Sometimes I like to sex it up with Martha Stewart's
Racy Red Raunchy Regale that Reveals a third hand protrusion from the right breast (which is actually my left breast, but "right" starts with
r, and it's on the right side from your vantage point). I like to spend a quiet afternoon dressed as so-- twerking, thrusting, and gyrating while tossing a nice fresh garden salad and manipulating a hand-held egg-beater. This regale costume comes with the third hand protrusion for no extra fee. It's really quite a bargain at $6969. Ta ta and tootles!
The "third hand protrusion" is a must for any outfit. Cousin It must really be strapped for cash. Actually, Martha probably straps him on when her Maximizer Member is at the mikvah.
ReplyDeleteJulie
Heehee, how do you think of these things, Julie? That'd be a steamy, non-kosher mikvah.
Deleteoops...I made a huge mistake when I referred to her third hand as Cousin It on The Addams Family. Cousin It was that furry creature, while the hand was known as "Thing." I couldn't go to sleep until I righted this wrong.
DeleteJulie
Only $6969? A steal.
ReplyDeleteLiterally, too. She stole it from Miley.
DeleteTwo R words come to mind. Rancid, and retch.
ReplyDeleteOh, and ridiculously priced. (Ok, I can't count.)
Regardless, you're right on the money, as always, EC.
DeleteNot sure she'll find anyone to give her a hand, third or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteShe's hoping for a different body part, Pat.
Delete$6969? Hahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteGlad you caught that. I was kinda obvious, I thought, but you're the only one who commented. Smiles.
DeleteMartha does all that and twerking too! What a marvel.
ReplyDeleteShe's a handy woman, Ruth.
DeleteThat third hand is really freaky.
ReplyDeleteI know. It looks so real too. LOL.
DeleteWhere else has that third hand been?
ReplyDeleteIt's been trying to reach for her nether regions, but it only gets to her belly button.
DeleteIt's sad how long it took me to find the right hand protrusion.
ReplyDeleteThat's a pretty steep price tag, and I'd have more than a hand protruding, so I will pass on this little number.
That's funny. But it is a natural protrusion, almost as if her survival depends upon it.
DeleteI wonder if Martha would be willing to include a FREE hand-held egg-beater? If so, I'm in.
ReplyDeleteSorry, DC. She's really attached to her egg-beaters.
DeleteI was betting on the use of the word raunchy, but that is almost redundant for this whole Martha theme. Funny!
ReplyDeleteGood call, Joanne. Good call.
DeleteIf Arnold thinks it's great, well then, who am I to argue?
ReplyDeleteTrue, Jono. And he'll be baaack.
DeleteArnie approves of this woman? What did she let him do to her?
ReplyDeleteJust a little groping of the hand, GB. But he'll be back.
DeleteShe's self-grouping.
ReplyDeleteThat she is, Alex, three handedly.
DeleteI bet that hand came in handy in High School. "Have you been down her top?" "Yeah, and believe me..."
ReplyDelete"Dude, I felt her up and handcuffed her at the same time."
DeleteThe last thing anyone wants to see is twerking from her. Or maybe not-she might throw out a hip and that would be funny:) Now is that price in old fashioned Italian Lira??
ReplyDeleteIt might be, Birgit. All I can tell you is that Martha really wanted to say 69.
DeleteDo you have lay-a-way or a payment plan?
ReplyDeleteYes, Martha is really into lay-aways, Stephen. She told me to ask you where and when.
DeleteMartha and Miley could be cousins (or they swap wardrobes).
ReplyDeleteIt would be an upgrade if Miley started to wear clothes, even if it's Martie's.
ReplyDeleteI'm all in with you on that one. :)
DeleteOh yeah, that's so cheap!! I'd totally get that. Or not...
ReplyDelete