Thursday, December 31, 2015

Life by Chocolate's Year in Review, Starring YOU!! Part II.



My following rose to 707 in the spring, but it plummeted to 680 overnight a few weeks ago. At this rate, if Martha Stewart keeps invading my blog, I’ll have 16 followers by 2082. That b*tch! For now, let’s continue to enjoy the silliness that enriched Life by Chocolate in 2015. 

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said My boys like to make reverse prank phone calls when telemarketers call. They answer and say, "Dominoes pizza would you like to try our 2 for 20 deal"? Those pesky folks don't know what to say.
Gorilla Bananas  said There's no need for any writer to feel insecure about a book written by J-Lo. Some books are used as sex toys rather than read. I bet the cover is harder and smoother than Jennifer's butt.
Geo said Dang, saluted St. Pat before rubbing the charm again. Could I just number these instructions?
Empty Nest Insider said Poor Jan Brady. Did she get her braces off yet?
Pickleope Von Pickleope said Poor Stagehand Macaulay Culkin. He can't even make it to stage manager? Who does a guy have to trick with tar and a flamethrower and concussive paint buckets suspended above stairs by a rope in order to move up in the world and get some respect!?!

In July, A Beer for the Shower's beloved Peggy Sue helped spotlight one of my greatest achievements, publishing  my first full-length novel. And she's a good one (both the mentally challenged goat with an orthopedic shoe and Woman on the Verge of Paradise). Peggy and I posed for look-alike photos during a drunken chocofest.
Anthony J. Langford  said 'I absolutely did not have chocolate relations with that woman.' 'The stains prove otherwise Mr President.’


Book Dedication:
To the Readers of my blog, Life by Chocolate,
You have been unfaltering in your loyalty, caring,
encouragement, hilarity, and playfulness.
And so, my dear sillies,
This one's for you.
Lovingly.
                                       The author does not recommend this book for: 1) Children
2) The Narrow-minded or
3) Martha Stewart
She's 4 feet, 8 inches of heartfelt ferocity, and nothing can stop this post-pubescent spitfire from claiming her fairytale--not jarring tragedy, not penile incompetence, not even the explosive demise of a new marriage. Not until Robyn finds her happily ever after...alone.
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I've noticed many authors begging for honest reviews. That's weird. I'm begging for reviews - honest or dishonest, I don't care. So if you haven't already read and reviewed Woman on the Verge, and you'd like to, kindly send me an email. Rawknrobyn@aol.com.  I'll forward the book in paperbook or ebook, in exchange for any 'ole review whenever you're able. Thank you!...Okay, on with the show...

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Giggles continued through to year's end, along with life's challenges. But we always manage to return to laughter at Life by Chocolate.

L. Diane Wolfe Are you reveling in the fact your Almond Joy has nuts? Al Penwasser said The very first thing I noticed was the hotdogs. And I felt so lacking.
Robin said think of it as "tuition." You, my friend, received one more learning experience...and they always cost. The upside: you're smarter. So, that's something. Connie said Acting like a mule's tuchas is definitely a deal breaker. Baby Sister said I've dated myself before, sometimes that's the best you can get! JoJo said It feels so wrong to think of Santa as a sexual being! Pat Hatt lol Santa will sure have a merry christmas. Mrs. Claus may catch fleas though being out with Vixen.

Jono set afire my laptop AND computer screen with this one:
You heat up the coldest winter night
With your chimney smokin' hot.
I'll bet your cookie tastes of chocolate
Now to give you all I've got.

Last but not really, and not least, my favorite comment of 2015 is...  Jeremy Hawkins asked What is going on here...I am feeling a little wrong? It might just be me... 

It's not just you, Jeremy!

Thank you, my sillies. And I'm sorry about all the obscene images. For obvious reasons, I couldn't push her off the stage.

Be safe, warm, and loved as we enter 2016. 
Always keep a smile and a stash of chocolate. 
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Life by Chocolate's Year in Review, Starring YOU!! Part I.


We’ve come full circus, my dears. I now present: Life by Chocolate's Year in Review for 2015, part one. It all began with the Trumpster...How scary is that?

Jacquelineand said I'd call him a dickhead but that would be an insult to penises (or would that be penii?) everywhere.
A Beer For The Shower said I just want to let it be known that scientists discovered a breed of caterpillar that looks like Donald Trump's hair. So yes, his hair's real. And it's literally alive. BnB linked us to this image: http://images.natureworldnews.com/data/images/full/1626/donald-trump-caterpillar.jpg?w=600

Naturally, Trump preceded more Reasons for Celibacy.

Elizabeth Seckman said I can't get past this: PALISTINIAN HOOKER FROM THE GAAZA STRIP CLUB AFTER THE FACT...the nurturer in me wants to know just how many times has this happened to this guy?
Bouncin Barb said One word...DUMBASSES
Dixie@dcrelief said REASON #334: there is no spoon...My goodness, Robyn, you have no idea how many times I've heard this, and wanted to shout: You little boy-men, how can you beat ya meat, if you can't find a spoon to eat your pudding??!!

Theresa Mahoney said I'd go out with him once for shits and giggles. Who knows, he could be fun in the bedroom too. Doesn't sound like he'd say no to a little role play action. Theresa was referring to this guy:  “I’m banned for life after firing a plastic arrow into the owner’s eye’s on Halloween, while dressed as Cupid.”

Elephant's Child said Alone is less lonely, and infinitely more hygenic it seems. And definitely more literate.
CWMartin said "Whole ass one thing..."This guy should be a motivational speaker at my job!
  
Martie invaded my blog in April, and she won’t f*n leave.  
 
Michael D'Agostino said Great rack for a mature woman

Alex J. Cavanaugh said Sorry Martha, not even if you were the last *bleeping* woman on earth…

Al Penwasser said Immature men enjoy a *bleep* now and then, too. 
Stephen Hayes said There should be a law against people who tootle.

Debra She Who Seeks said And that bitch Gwyneth Paltrow simply steam cleans hers!

Joanne said We'll all be struck by lightning one of these days.

To be continued...