Hello, I'm Martha Stewart.
(Note: She has an after-sex glow.) Here's a photo from last night of me and my
fake furry friend. It's no secret that I love dogs. They love me too...in all the right ways. I sleep with my dogs, and I truly enjoy their warm, rugged hairs brushing up against my supple skin. Sometimes, too, they lick and nibble my nether regions. It feels quite nice. One drawback, however, is that the live ones sh*t and piss all over my bed-sheets. With the fake furry friend, you don't have to deal with that sh*t or piss. Plus, he has a fake tongue and fake teeth, so you can position him as you please and he'll stay there all night long. *Pleasurable sigh.* I'm not selling this product, and the story of how I conceived of him involves bestiality, so it's a story for another time. I'm going back to bed. Goodbye.
Not convinced furry friend is fake. Looks too enthusiastic. Good heavens! She siphoned your city's electricity to induce lycanthropy in a Boy Scout! A pattern emerges.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Geo. I hope I'm not seen as a co-conspirator. She's the sick one!
DeleteEeeeuw. I don't think there is enough hot water and bleach in the world to take that image away from me.
ReplyDeleteSo true, EC. On Martha's behalf, I'm sorry. She's a grotesque pervert - little did I know. Well, I knew she has a fetish for dogs. She really does brag about sleeping with her dogs and she has hosted a number of doggy fashion shows. Truly.
DeleteShe's a dirty old bird isn't she...corrupting poor innocent fake dogs.
ReplyDeleteYes, she is. As JustKeepinIt says below, it's the only way she's gonna get some action.
DeleteI think a fake furry friend is the only way Martha is gonna get any action 'cause a real live dog is perceptive enough to not even want to sleep with that b*tch!
ReplyDeleteYet, and I should've included links, Martha Stewart really does boast about sleeping with her canines. Poor dogs!
DeleteEwwwww.... These images will stay with me all day. Oh, the trauma...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Good Martha. Sue Martha Stewart's Enterprise. She started all this.
DeleteThat is so creepy.
ReplyDeleteTo put it nicely, Diane.
DeleteOMG - You don't like Martha very much do you. This was so funny I had to read it to hubby.
ReplyDeleteI hate that b*tch. Not the fake furry friend - he gets a sympathy card from me. Thanks, Rhonda. I hope I didn't make (I mean, Martha didn't make) you and your hubs sick.
DeleteI hope her fake furry friend bites her ass.
ReplyDeleteAlex, you're hilarious! Thank you. I hope so too.
DeleteThat is one happy looking puppy.
ReplyDeleteGeo pointed that out too. It is glowing, isn't it?
DeleteI'm pleased to report that my live dog does no peeing or pooing in the bed, lies as still as a fake friend all night and sleeps until I have woken... she is perfection as far as pets go, and is also my assistance dog. She also keeps me warm if it's cold. Now that is one thing a mere pompom of fake fur cannot do unless you put it on your head...
ReplyDeleteMartha wants to borrow your dog for a month or so, Liz.
DeleteThanks for visiting!
Well there is a call for those who like bestiality to be given equal rights, maybe she is speared heading it, even with her fake dog.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be surprised, Pat. She really is very vocal about her love of dogs.
DeleteWhat is going on here... I am feeling a little wrong? It might just be me...
ReplyDeleteNot just you, Jeremy. It's Martha.
DeleteBut...does he take batteries?
ReplyDeleteOh...good...grief...I just grossed myself out.
He doesn't even need batteries, Al. He's naturally rechargeable. All the grossing out is Martha's fault.
DeleteOh, so he's one of those dogs that recharges when he humps your leg?
DeleteEwwww.....made myself sick again.
Oh my, my tummy hurts from laughing. Yeah, one of those dogs, Al. Woof.
DeleteOh boy - the poor dog-even the fake one. Let's hope the dog doesn't get PTSD
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Birgit. It will need to go to a fake furry friend Psychiatrist.
DeleteBirgit - Don't you mean PTSD and an STD? At least you had the decency to censor the title of your 'F' post. Robyn! Hahhaha!
DeleteJulie
Poor Martha. She's such an easy target.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, it seems to turn her on to be targeted, Stephen. Look at her gushing.
Deletequite a F- bleeping post. Your creativity is crazy - in a twisted - makes me laugh nervously on this one. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteIt is really wrong and twisted. Martha's a sick b*tch!
DeleteErm........ o.O
ReplyDeleteYep. O.o!!!!??#$%^&oy vey.
DeleteI really don't know how to comment on this one..
ReplyDeleteIt's okay, Ruth. Martha prefers quiet acceptance.
DeleteWoof.
DeleteLadies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry that Martha was so crude and disgusting today. I've told her to keep her bestiality fetishes to herself for the remainder of the Challenge. She agreed, but she simultaneously flipped me off, so I can't make any guarantees and it's too late to find a new host. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteDon't take this wrong, but I think I need to take a shower after reading this....
ReplyDeleteJust read your apology (above)... accepted. Please don't do it again;)
I understand, Robin. It won't happen again, not if I can help it. (~;
DeleteWow, that post limboed under the bar with ease, lol!
ReplyDeleteYou mean, like, it was lubricated? Oh my, sorry. Sheesh. Martha is really making me a disgusting perve.
DeleteOh god. I have to admit my mother has Martha moments. She doesn't much like animals (i.e., dogs, cats, etc.). And she really doesn't like touching them. When I reminded her that she likes the feel of stuffed animals and fur coats, she spat back, "Well, you don't feel them breathe!"
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing you don't like Martha based on this series. :) I feel bad for the dogs...both real and fake.
ReplyDeleteThat Martha has a lot of secrets!
ReplyDelete