And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Martha Stewart's Hefty Heffer Hideaway: A-Z Challenge

Hello. I'm Martha Stewart. If you're --Martha clears her throat-- mature like me, you might have noticed that rolls of lard tend to readily accumulate around the mid-section, just above the nether regions. However, there's no need to worry. I've put them to good use, and so can you.
The Hefty Heffer Hideaway is quite helpful for transporting various items. Simply lift up rolls of fat, carefully, and one by one. Next,  place salad bowls, insider trade secrets, the Cuisinart, and handcuffs. It's a resourceful method for maximizing the Hefty Heffer Hideaway. As far as what you can fit between your legs, well --Martha blushes-- I'll let you figure that one out. Tootles.


46 comments:

  1. Just the same, you could hide infinitely more between your ears (because low cunning takes up very little room) than you could ever pack into your Hefty Heffer hideaway.

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  2. Now I'm thinking of a Stewie and Heffner pairing. Thank goodness they're past the breeding years; the excess of vapidity would produce a black hole of a baby...

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    1. That would be interesting, Jac. Despite this series, Martie seems asexual and frigid. She'd be Heff's biggest challenge. LOL.

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  3. Trust Martha to come up with a practical use for those annoying rolls.

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  4. Bette Midler once talked about tucking a Smith-Corona typewriter under her boobs. Ah, for the good old days!

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    1. That's funny. One question: what's a typewriter?

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  5. uhmmm, errrr... uhmmmm... lol

    Jeremy [Retro]
    AtoZ Challenge Co-Host [2015]

    There's no earthly way of knowing.
    Which direction we are going!

    HOLLYWOOD NUTS!
    Come Visit: You know you want to know if me or Hollywood... is Nuts?

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    1. No earthly way, Jeremy. None whatsoever. Except downhill fast.

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  6. Is today "L" for "lard"? I lose track so easily.

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    1. It's all the same when it comes to this Heffer.

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  7. And thus everyone has now had a look into the bottomless pit of despair

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    1. Yes, Pat, but we haven't seen bottom yet. We're only at H.

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  8. tough to top the comments already given. I like hiding insider trade secrets, and perhaps a donut to bribe cops

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    1. That's hilarious, Joanne. I like the donut idea. I have enough room for donuts in my Hideaway. Martha could fit the whole donut shop in hers.

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  9. Old Martha's got some heft. Those Cuisinarts are heavy

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    1. True. She has to be carried by forklift when she stores Cuisinarts in her Hideaway, Ruth.

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  10. I'll never again be able to think of Martha without being reminded of these posts.

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    1. Then my job is done. Wait, we're only on I. Never mind.

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  11. Oh crap. Now you've got me contemplation my rolls.

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    1. Where do you think I got this idea, LD? I've stored a salad bowl or two in mine.

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  12. LOVED this one! I'm still laughing from the picture to all of the practical uses of the Hefty Hideaway! This has been my favorite Martha tale thus far! H for Hysterical!!!

    Julie

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    1. Thanks, Julie. This is my favorite too. I haven't been able to stop laughing today.

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    1. Yeah, she's got more than one muffin top hanging over her nether regions, Diane.

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  14. Because storage is so important...

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    1. When you're sharing insider trade secrets and handcuffs, CW, it's a must.

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  15. She could also get that fat taken off and use the lard for a new pie recipe

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    1. Very good, Birgit. Great point. You have me laughing again and again.

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  16. So THAT'S where Gary Coleman got off to.

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    1. Oh Al, that's hysterical. It's so weird and twisted that only you and I can appreciate this Coleman banter.

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  17. Lo!!! Oh, that is hilarious. Way to use space, Martha.

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    1. She's nothing if not resourceful. Oh, and a heffer.

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  18. OMG. This reminds me of one of my sisters nasty boyfriends. We were driving down the toll road and my husband said "Oh. I need a nickle. Does anyone have one?" The boyfriend said "I do!" Then proceeded to pull one from his belly button. It was a total WTF moment.

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    1. Okay, that is gross. I hope your husband washed his hands thoroughly after taking that nickel. So funny and so WTF. Thanks, Theresa.

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  19. Oh my, silly women, that's not where handcuffs go.

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    1. Giggles. Yeah, she's not too bright. Is she?
      Great comment, Rhonda!

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  20. I'm never going to get over that image... and the suggested one *shudder*

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    1. It only gets scarier, Anthony. On behalf of Stewy, my apologies.

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