Hello, I'm Martha Stewart. A woman has needs, so I thought I'd try the J Lo look. I designed her dress, wore it, and then hung out (in more ways than one) with Meryl Streep to complain about how unfairly paid women are. It was a splendid time. Now, I'm going in search of a good *bleep.* Oh, I partnered with Walmart to promote the
J Lo Look-Alike Line. You can buy one of these dresses for $1 million.Ta ta! Or should I say "Ta tas!"?
Martha attempts a smile, we think.
More cheese-grater images.
ReplyDeleteI think I may have thrown up a little in my mouth as well.
Taste she doesn't have. Style (in any positive way) she doesn't have. Sheer unadulterated gall? By the bucket load. And perhaps that is what is leaking...
You're a phenomenal commenter, EC. Love it. Thank you.
DeleteShe leaks when she runs? The only thing I can think of is a lactating breast. All other thoughts get censored by my brain.
ReplyDeleteShe has those too, GB.
DeleteWalmart seems the perfect choice for the new line.
ReplyDeleteShe's reaching out to the masses this way, or so she believes.
DeleteHow many pairs of Spanx did it take to squeeze Matha's belly and butt into JLo's dress?
ReplyDeleteOy vey, she also needed one of the Kartashwaste bags...It wasn't a pretty sight, I'm sure. I stayed away from the dressing room, as far away as possible.
DeleteOne million at WalMart? That excludes 99.9999999999% of the clientele.
ReplyDeleteGood point, Alex. She's too bad at math to realize this.
DeleteA post referencing Jennifer Lopez and no mention of posteriors? That's either colossal restraint or horrific oversight. I'm going with restraint.
ReplyDeleteYou're always good for giving me the benefit of the doubt, Pickleope Von Pickleope. I appreciate it.
DeleteOnly one million dollars? She's certainly trying to reach out to all of us commoners, isn't she? :)
ReplyDeleteWow she's really rocking the J Lo look. lol Of course that's not for everyone....
ReplyDeleteLeakage? Probably what passed for her brains...
ReplyDeleteHaha. Oh my, thank you, Jac!
DeleteI am thinking I am in love with this version on MS, do you think we could have coffee someday? We can meet at the WALMART cafe and I can get her 50 cent hot dog with all the fixin'...
ReplyDeleteI think that can be arranged, Jeremy. She really likes wieners.
DeleteHmmm even if the price was low, she'd be hard pressed to sell any to the half naked people of Walmart
ReplyDeleteTa tas to you too!
ReplyDeleteJust Jenny from the Block vs. Martha from the Cell Block. Her Wal-Mart line could feature stripes.
ReplyDeleteGood one Joanne - you made me laugh as I was about to write my comment to Robyn.
DeleteYou cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteAs long as there's room in the caboose, I guess that's cool.
ReplyDeleteAt Walmart? If you had a million dollars would you shop at Walmart?
ReplyDeleteMartha, stop trying to imitate J Lo. She's becoming little more than two over exposed breasts.
ReplyDeleteOh poor Ma-Stew-those sequins must be crying and trying to run away. She could try selling that dress in Canada at Target...oops maybe not:)
ReplyDelete"Martha attempts a smile, we think." Did her face break?
ReplyDeleteI think so, but it's hard to tell. It looks about the same. She did start to leak a little too.
DeleteSo J Lo will be sporting navy blazers this year, possibly with back cut-outs? Gee, this will be exciting. I don't like J Lo either.
ReplyDeleteThe perfect look for the People of Wal-Mart. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteMy eyes! My eyes!
ReplyDeleteI smell scandal here. I thought Martha was a Kmart partner through and through. Mmmm Hmmm. Martha stepping out on her first sugar daddy?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Martha had a nice time whining with Meryl! I didn't like the dress on J Lo, but it's kinda growing on me on Martha! Wait a minute, now I made it sound like a fungus.
ReplyDeleteJulie
If I actually listened to her I wouldn't be able to afford anything!! Thank heavens I have some common sense.
ReplyDeleteWow, youve been busy with all of these posts. Very clever!
ReplyDelete