Hello, I'm Martha Stewart, and I like a man who's well endowed. So this --
Martha raises her index and middle fingers then curls them over, making air quotation marks--
"Member" Maximizer can really come in handy. I found it on craigslist and made a bunch of them. I then added my name carefully near the head of each Maximizer using a black Sharpie. This
Martha Stewart Member Maximizer is lubricant friendly, enhances girth, makes for extra firmness, and adds an entire inch in length. And it fits snuggly around the testicles. Now, if I can just find somebody with a penis. Any volunteers?
I suspect that most males would need something of the sort in Martha's vicinity. Her mere presence would act as a minimizer (and an invisiblizer) on them.
ReplyDeleteLOL. I like the word "invisiblizer." It's fitting.
DeleteOMG - How do you even think of these things. Martha, you are a bit naughty today.
ReplyDeleteJust today, Rhonda? She's really going full throttle this month.
DeleteDoes it act as a curling iron too? I prefer to multi-task whenever possible.
ReplyDeleteJulie
You can use it that way. I advise washing it first, Julie.
DeleteYep, it'll disappear.... being sucked into an, erm, 'black hole' will do that.
ReplyDeleteEspecially with all the cobwebs in there, Jac.
DeleteMartha has a one track mind.
ReplyDeleteShe needs a 12-step program, and a lot more help than that.
DeleteThis will be Martha's best seller as she's obviously speaking from experience here. All males would have serious shrinkage upon the sight of her..
ReplyDeleteTrue. It might fall off.
DeleteI thought it was a curling iron at first. Things don't come into proper focus until my second cup of coffee.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like one. Read what I wrote to Julie, though. (Don't curl your hair with it until you wash it).
DeleteThanks, Good Martha.
Damn that thing looks like it'd hurt!
ReplyDeleteI think she's into BDSM, JoJo.
DeleteIsn't that a hairbrush?
ReplyDeleteIt's a hairbrush-curling iron-member maximizer, Mitchell.
DeleteI'm not volunteering!
ReplyDeleteShe's disappointed, Alex.
DeleteOh boy. I can't imagine anyone volunteering for that!
ReplyDeleteSo far, no takers, Robin.
DeletePleasure nubs? *fanning self* oooooo, mercy!
ReplyDeleteHaha. Who doesn't want to be penetrated by pleasure nubs?
DeleteUmmm...remind me to keep Aaron FAR away from her.
ReplyDeleteAaron's too smart to need to be told that, BabySis. No worries.
DeleteI don't think she could even get Christian Gray to try that contraption!
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing. Great point, Theresa. He'd run scared.
DeleteCareful what you ask for, Martha... careful what you ask for. ;)
ReplyDeleteRight. She doesn't know she's better off being unable to find a volunteer.
DeleteFrankly, I'm uncomfortable with ANYthing wrapped around my testicles.
ReplyDeleteA boy can't be too careful, you know.
Sounds as though you've experienced various things wrapped around your testicles, Al? Do tell.
DeleteI will hand that off to some other poor sap. Does it prevent the clap?
ReplyDeleteIt prevents the clap and crabs, Pat.
DeleteThat looks like torture for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that it was advertised in an everyday sales magazine, Diane. Yet it belongs in Fifty Shades.
Deletegood lord - did it keep her going when in the slammer?
ReplyDeleteNo, but N's post did.
Deleteoh dear. Doubt anyone wishes to be a member of that club
ReplyDeleteIt gives "membership" a whole new meaning.
DeleteI've little doubt that Martha has her own balls and can strap this device to them.
ReplyDeleteBravo for another priceless comment, Stephen!
DeleteIf Martha has the beginnings of dementia she might use this in her hair and walk around with it all rpoud and cocky (oops did I just write that:))
ReplyDeleteShe'd paint it bright pink first, Birgit. Smiles.
DeleteFinally, Martha is actually spending time on something useful ;)
ReplyDeleteYou can find me here:
ClarabelleRant
It is more handy - shall we say? - than her marinated turnip.
DeleteNot even with that around it...
ReplyDeleteYou're funny, CW. Thank you.
DeleteMartha, Martha, Martha. Doesn't this sort of thing violate your parole?
ReplyDeleteNot if it's electronically monitored, LD.
DeleteYou don't think the naughty prison guard (yes, I read N and M backwards) used one of these, do you? Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteActually, that's probably where she got the idea, Bookworm. Big Bertha used one too, though I'm not sure how.
ReplyDeleteThat gizmo looks kind of dangerous!
ReplyDeleteHell that's expensive. I'll give 7.5 " for 1.1 million. As long as she provides the bag (for her head). Oh and a gag. Incase she wants to narrate.
ReplyDelete