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Friday, April 24, 2015

Martha Stewart's Vaginal Vacuum: A-Z Challenge

I'm Martha Stewart, and I like to clean up inside. You never know when you might have visitors. For that reason, I designed the Vaginal Vacuum. It's lightweight, easy to operate, and it bends with my intricate cobwebs, jolting speed bumps, and glaring road-blocks. Vacuum any time you like, day or night. You can purchase Martha Stewart's Vaginal Vac for  only $899. Batteries not included. Remember, a clean beaver always finds more wood. Tootles!



Posted by Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com
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47 comments:

  1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 24, 2015 at 10:54 PM

    I remember this from your sneak preview, and it's even more victorious in it's entirety! Your last line is priceless, Robyn!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:12 AM

      Thanks, Julie. I really did happen upon that magazine page with the beaver and quote, as I was pulling together this post. It was beshert. Smiles.

      Delete
  2. The CrankyApril 24, 2015 at 10:57 PM

    Just the thing for musty, dusty love tunnels!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:13 AM

      And she forgot to mention the sack. It needs to be dumped in a trash bin, only once a month or so.

      Delete
  3. Dixie@dcreliefApril 24, 2015 at 11:43 PM

    You've done it now. This is too funny. I am scarred for life! I have absolutely no comeback. Oh wait! Is shipping free today?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:14 AM

      Haha. For you, Dixie, she'll toss in free shipping, but only if you forward the cash within the next hour.

      Delete
    2. Dixie@dcreliefApril 25, 2015 at 3:35 PM

      There's always a frikking catch!

      FYI((See Hollywood Spy's Chocolate Trailer today))

      Delete
  4. mail4roseyApril 25, 2015 at 4:07 AM

    $900? Someone should tell her about soap, it'd save her a fortune.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:15 AM

      Oh but soap doesn't create the vibratory factor of the vag vac, Rosey.

      Delete
  5. Alex J. CavanaughApril 25, 2015 at 5:45 AM

    I have a comeback but even I can't say it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:15 AM

      Oh, Alex. Please! Please! Remember, you're amongst silly obscene friends (or at least a silly, obscene blog admin) here.

      Delete
    2. Al PenwasserApril 26, 2015 at 7:10 AM

      Please, oh please...

      Delete
  6. JoJoApril 25, 2015 at 6:20 AM

    o.O Did you just? Beacause I can't even.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:17 AM

      O.o It wasn't me, JoJo. It's Martha Stewart. She needs serious help.

      Delete
  7. Pat HattApril 25, 2015 at 6:45 AM

    That is one tunnel of love from which you'll never return whole.

    ReplyDelete
  8. stephen HayesApril 25, 2015 at 7:07 AM

    That last line is a hoot: A clean beaver always finds more wood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:18 AM

      It's priceless, right, Stephen. I kid you not, I happened upon it in a mag when I was working on the last few letters of this A-Z post.

      Delete
  9. Debra She Who SeeksApril 25, 2015 at 7:49 AM

    And that bitch Gwyneth Paltrow simply steam cleans hers!

    ReplyDelete
  10. RuthApril 25, 2015 at 10:36 AM

    But, remember that wood does not like chewed on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:48 PM

      Martha doesn't get it, Ruth. She thinks as long as she vacuums, the wood will come pouring in.

      Delete
  11. JonoApril 25, 2015 at 10:50 AM

    If she turns it up to 'High' it just might suck the soul out of her. Oops! Too late!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:49 PM

      I don't even think she was born with a soul. Roadblocks and speed-bumps, yes, but no soul, Jono.

      Delete
  12. ConnieApril 25, 2015 at 11:49 AM

    That Martha, she's the Queen of Clean!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Moving with MitchellApril 25, 2015 at 12:04 PM

    Blech blech blech!

    "...a clean beaver always finds more wood"??? Dare I ask for an explanation?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:59 PM

      Um, see, Mitchell, it's like this, some beavers are dirty and some are clean. And when there's dirt in the way, it's harder to see the long manly logs floating in the water. Get it?

      Delete
  14. BirgitApril 25, 2015 at 12:23 PM

    Does that vacuum clean up crabs? Martha probably has those critters for sure that is why her nickname is sandpaper sally. I may never look at vacuums the same way again

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:56 PM

      You make me cry with laughter, you're that funny! Thanks, Birgit.

      Delete
  15. CWMartinApril 25, 2015 at 1:56 PM

    "Glaring road block..." Natural or artificial?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 10:59 PM

      Good question, CW. I'd have to go with artificial, cuz nothing about her is natural.

      Delete
  16. klahanieApril 25, 2015 at 4:45 PM

    Greetings human,

    A Vaginal Vacuum? That just sucks. Martha, I don't even know who you are. I'm getting the impression that's a good thing!

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 25, 2015 at 11:01 PM

      "That just sucks." How do you do it, Penny? You have the perfect one liners for everything.
      Thank you, and thank your dear human because he is a dear.

      Delete
  17. JoanneApril 25, 2015 at 7:33 PM

    Oh the cobwebs.....oh my. Best to clean up before Sunday's day of rest...or is it?

    ReplyDelete
  18. UnknownApril 25, 2015 at 8:58 PM

    "A clean beaver always finds more wood." I will never forget that now Martha, thank you!!!

    You can find me here:
    ClarabelleRant

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 26, 2015 at 12:26 AM

    She's a wise woman, in her own mind.

    OOPS, I just posted my W. But then I remembered tomorrow's Sunday and we get time off for good behavior. I forgot about that, probably because I haven't been well behaved. So I took it back after 10 people saw it. Sorry. Happy Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dawn@Lighten Up!April 26, 2015 at 6:27 AM

    Um, thanks, Martha, but I think I'll pass on this one.
    Incarceration wasn't kind to you, was it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 26, 2015 at 6:53 PM

      Oh but she loved it there, Dawn. That's where she hooked up with Big Bertha and a Naughty Prison Guard. (See N for the dirt.)

      =) Thanks for dropping by.

      Delete
  21. Al PenwasserApril 26, 2015 at 7:11 AM

    Maybe now they'll actually find Jimmy Hoffa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 26, 2015 at 6:54 PM

      Bwahahaha. This was your best Martha Stewart post comment, Al. Thank you.

      Delete
  22. Jeremy [Retro]April 26, 2015 at 7:55 AM

    Well there you go, line in the sand drawn and then crossed. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 26, 2015 at 6:55 PM

    And that doesn't even include the vacuum job, Jeremy.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Theresa MahoneyApril 26, 2015 at 7:58 PM

    I may need one to clean up the puke I'm going to spew thinking about Martha using one of these.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Baby SisterApril 27, 2015 at 10:01 PM

    How you come up with these things I will never know. Poor Martha, she must have such a miserable life!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Plowing Through Life (Martha)May 2, 2015 at 4:28 PM

    "a clean beaver always finds more wood" BAHAHAHA! Best line I've run across all week :)

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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