I'm not quite ready for June. Are you? I guess we didn't get a vote.
Anyway, lately, this passage from my to-be-released-this-summer book, Woman on the Verge of Paradise, has been running through my head. My computers (new laptop and old desktop) have gone to war against me, and they're winning. So please excuse my limited presence in blogland over the next few weeks.
In the meantime, here's a bit from one of my final chapters, Rebooting. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you CAN'T relate.
Computer problems induce in me feelings of utter incompetence and stupidity. I also tend to liken these glitches with my existence, if only for the sake of silliness. For example:
- Problems with the hard drive mean I’ll never find a man who can have an erection.
- Software issues = same as above.
- Problems with memory = Alzheimer’s inevitability.
- Viruses= I’ll get STDs without having had sex.
- Browser snafus = Vision problems. I’ll go blind. Too much masturbation.
- Rebooting issues = Full-proof strategies that work for everyone else in the world won’t help me, because I’m incredibly incompetent and unlucky in every way. I’ll never connect with anything or anyone worthy for any length of time before losing everything and everyone worthy of any of my time. To make matters worse, I can’t even successfully give-up and shut-down.
Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate.