One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Acting as Annie Bidwell: Dude Three and How Can I Miss You If You Won't Ever Leave?



Dear Sillies,
  May this find you well and taking good care of yourselves.   
  Through no fault of my own, except that I chose another loser, Dude Three’s presence in my life poses an ongoing challenge. I know, right? I ended that relationship four months ago!
   Please stick with me, as we embark upon a seemingly unrelated, related story about my hometown.
   Chico, CA was founded by heroic trailblazer and statesman John Bidwell. John courted and married Annie Kennedy (not related to the famed Kennedy family) - Civil War era. This remarkable duo graced and saved countless lives –including those of Native Indians, on whose land we reside—brought trees from across the world onto our formerly desolate region, and much more.
     Annie and I were similar in a few ways: We were both the second of four children, both June babies passionate about social justice, and we abstain(ed) from drinking. Most strikingly, Annie was exactly my height – 4’8”. (John was at least 6’ tall. I have yet to meet anyone my exact height.)
     Annie Kennedy Bidwell (6/30/1839-3/9/1918)
  
   Let’s start to connect the dots: Approximately 6 weeks after the breakup, a neighbor, we’ll call her . . . let's see, "Skanky," messaged me. “We need someone short to play Annie Bidwell in the Christmas show. Are you up for it?”
   This involved welcoming guests into Bidwell Mansion (where the couple resided) and performing a skit with Skanky.  Skanky and I were friends, and she'd been in the skit for several years. Their usual Annie was out of the country.
   In short (pun intended), I couldn't turn it down. 
   Here’s me as Annie Bidwell.
It was a big, little honor and loads of fun. 
Little (no pun intended this time) did I know what was going on behind the scenes…to be continued.
 

Monday, February 19, 2018

Now, It's All We Know and Have

Dears,
While times like these make words so hard to come by, they compel me to offer hope and inspiration. I don't have a new poem for you, but I'm bringing back Now. 
Now: It's all we have, and it holds the world.
Please take care, and keep a smile.
Love to you.
Now
We don’t know why.

We don’t know how.

All we know is what is now.

In now there’s hope, and breath, and life.

In now there’s poise to meet the strife.

In now resides all that we need

to face the tides ’til storms recede.

A glass half empty’s just as full.

The heart lifts more than sorrow’s toll.


We don’t know why.

We don’t know how.

All we know

is what is 
now.  
By me, 2011, and painting by me, 1981 (age 15)

Friday, February 16, 2018

Valentine's Hate, Fairytale Damning Contest WINNER!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Pets and Posers,

For the furr-st time in Life by Chocolate's history, the winner of our contest is not a human being. She's a feline being. But not an ordinary feline, mind you. She's royalty. That's right. The winner of our anti-Valentine's Day Fairytale Be Damned contest is . . .Her Royal Highness!

As Her Majesty endures relentless cat calls and photo shoots on the cat walk between cat naps, I shall ask her humanoid, Debra, to humbly accept the award in her honor.


Her Majesty's winning entry:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Toms pretend to be Super Cat
But are really Pepe le Pew.

On behalf of the acatamy, thank you all for your fantastic entries. Connie, Alex, Rosey, Silver Fox, and Pat were popular human contenders, but this feline categorically captured the win. She'll receive a sweet package pending her dietary friskiness. (Is she allergic to gluten? Lactose intolerant? Vegan? Our investigative team is on it.)

Let's learn more about our feline-us victor who catapulted to #1.
Gender FEMALE
Industry Consulting
Occupation Fabulous Feline, Occasional Guest Blogger, Internet Troll
Location The Afterlife, Over the Rainbow Bridge
Introduction To know, know, know me is to love, love, love me. And I do, yes I do. So should you.
Interests Myself 










Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Anti-Valentine's Day Contest Entries! VOTE NOW!

Dear Silly Hearts,
   To follow, you'll find 10 fabulous entries for Life by Chocolate's Anti-Valentine's Contest. The theme is "Damn be the fairytale!" Please vote for one and only one that's your favorite. I know, it's tough. Who knew there are so many great poets in my clan? You really impress! 
   Submit your vote (in the comments) by midnight EST on 2/14.
   Winner will be announced shortly thereafter, when flowers and chocolate prices return to normal.
   Thank you!
   Love and sweetness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mail4rosey
A fairytale life for about thirty years,
then an unrestful husband left me in arrears.
It took two full calendars to find stable ground
but happiness being single is sincerely what I've found.

-Make your own fairytale 

A Heron's View
The APPLE and the KNIFE

Question not
fresh russet fruit
For I, this blade
Would pierce
Your tender skin

Letting your juices
run to air
or even lie wet
upon the ground.

Profanities may assail
from the family tree
But what cares I
For am I
not a blade, sharp
well honed?

And you
A fruit
well spun
lying in the shade
for collection?

Come leap dear
We need no Vicar!

© 1982 MRL .


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Toms pretend to be Super Cat
But are really Pepe le Pew.


The Silver Fox
Too many gals or fellas
Have dreamed of Cinderella,
Or maybe it's Snow White
That's gotten them uptight.

But "Happ'ly ever after"
To me, just leads to laughter.
I'll shout it from my pulpit
That "love always" is bullshit.
There's far too many "good sports"
Who wound up in divorce courts.

Forego your geniality!
You need to face reality!
Let Sail The Fairytale.
Love be a sweet song
Often misinterpreted
For love of the Ding Dong.

Many cum
Few get to stay
Still we like to gamble
At risk of The Betray.

 It's mostly a charade
 To sell flowers and shit 
  Even the buyers
  Just wanna get jiggy wit it.

It's a pathetic game
To percolate shame.
Feel the stigma attached
To being left on the shelf
I one 'upped' them fuckers
And made love to my own self.

Who wants a princess with pumpkin seeds between her toes and mice for friends anyway?

Connie 
No longer will I sit and pine.
You won't hear me cry or whine 
for a paper heart with a sappy line.
I don't need a Valentine!

All offers from you 
I will decline,
because I don't need you
to say, "Will you be mine?"
I don't need a man to be defined.
I don't need the two of us to be combined.
I am complete by design.
Get lost now. Go away, you swine.

Instead, I'll treat MYSELF! I'll dine!
I'll pour MYSELF a glass of wine.

Don't worry about me. 
My life's just fine.
Being single is quite divine!
I'll be my own love--I'll be MINE!
I'll be my own Valentine!

Love myself? Well its cheaper, I get what I want, and there is no one to kick out in the morning. 
Don't have to tell me twice.

Hakuna Matata under the sea and drown valentine notions with a bippity boppity bee.


It was the year I decided to tell Martha the truth about my feelings for her, but I was still afraid of her reaction. “What better time than Valentine’s Day,” I thought. The winter had been cold and she had been giving me looks that were intended to draw me to her and bend me to her will. She would pucker her lips at me when she thought no one else was looking and sensuously suck on a lollipop when she knew I would notice. She wanted what they all want from me, but Martha was never subtle about it. She thought she could woo me with her homemaker skills and her “sexy” ways. Finally the day had arrived and I was psyched up. There she was! “Martha, you depraved succubus, stay the hell away from me!” Maybe now I would have some peace. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Janie Junebug
My nails are painted a bloody red.
Send me chocolate on the worst fucking day of the year
or you'll wish you were dead.
Love, Little Red Riding Snood


Thursday, February 8, 2018

Valentine's Hate Contest! Chocolate Review Too!

Enter by 2/13!
Submit an Anti-Valentine's Day entry based on the theme: Damn Be the Fairytale.
Post it in the comments section or forward to me at Rawknrobyn@aol.com.
My followers will vote on one, and the winner will receive a generously sweet package. Feel free to enter more than once.

Second, I sampled Hostess' Chocolate Raspberry Ding Dongs. (Yeah, we know I have a thing for ding dongs. Wink).

I was initially disappointed at the false advertising. Where's the pink? It looks white inside, like the originals. (See the real ding dong in the bottom left.) But it does taste sweet, and satisfying to some extent. They're just okay. Having been eating a bit healthier these days, though, I detected that not-too-appetizing taste of factory made items that had likely been stored in a warehouse overseas before journeying to my local grocery store. Thus, Hostess' limited edition Chocolate Raspberry Cupcakes/Ding Dongs get a 3 on the Robyn  (1-10) scale of chocolate goodness.

Be well, my Dears. Get those entries in!


Monday, February 5, 2018

Annual Anti-Valentine's Day Contest! Sweet Winnings!

Dear Silly Hearts,

   It's time. Yep, time to express hatred for the lovey dovey, sappy, crappy day that's celebrated on 2/14. To be fair, I don't hate love. I love many people, including you, my loyals.
   But when my then husband declared a divorce in 2008, I realized that the fairytale (Cinderella) notion of love is extremely unrealistic and does a lot more harm than good. 
   Over the years, I've learned to love myself. It's ongoing work - and the most important work of all. Love yourselves, my friends! I wrote my memoir, Woman on the Verge of Paradise, to underscore this message.
   Thus, the theme of my Annual Anti-Valentine's Day Contest is this: Damn be the Fairytale! That's it. You can use words or images, photos, haiku, anything. Enter here or send your entry to me at Rawknrobyn@aol.com. No rules, just work the theme and have fun.  If you'd like to enter more than once, you're welcome too.
   You, dear followers, will vote for only one entry. You'll be the judge and jury. I'll award the winner with a very nice, sweet, chocolatey package.
Ready? Go! I'll accept entries until Feb 13th, 12 midnight EST.  HAVE FUN. Love ya.---