And I Wrote This Book.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Martha Stewart's Pretty Pastel Panties for Penile Preparation (and Perhaps Penetration): A-Z Challenge

I'm trying something a bit daring for the weekend. It's Martha Stewart's Pretty Pastel Panties and Bra for Penile Preparation (and perhaps penetration). Pastels are perfect for pleasant spring days, or a good *bleep*. You too can "prepare the penis" --if you know what I mean-- *wink* by wearing  the pretty pastel panties and bra by Martha Stewart for just $582 per perfect pair. Find it at Macy's, Walmart, or Nymph I Am. Have a pleasureable weekend. Tootles!


44 comments:

  1. I don't get the fancy panties thing....I just cannot stand wedgies. I'll take my white cotton grannie panties with full coverage and no riding up any day. lol

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    1. I second that. I'm a big fan of granny panties, JoJo. They keep you warm and covered up, and they're comfortable. They don't even serve as birth control, because once they are off, they are off.

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  2. "Prepare the penis"? I'm sorry. I DON'T know what you mean. Can you please explain?

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    1. It's all about presentation, Mitchell. It's like marinating a tender, hearty piece of steak meat. Well, it's similar but different. Steaks don't rise, but spicing things up is key. For a more detailed answer, Mitchell, Martha's working on a Powerpoint presentation.

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  3. Hahaha! This is the best title EVER! Sadly, I prefer something a tad more practical. I think Jojo has the right idea!

    Julie

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    1. I do too. Martha's so clueless, though. She thinks pastel panties will get her some action. She should just stick with granny pants.

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  4. $582 for butt floss? Pretentious person. More normal souls can only say what a Putrid load of Puke she is Purveying...

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  5. You know, Robyn... at first I questioned how Martha could twist her head around like that. But considering how long she's had it up her azz... I withdrawn my supposed question.

    Send me two sets please: Passion Penetrating Purple, and Passion Penetrating Pink. Cheque's in the mail.

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    1. You won't regret it, DC. Plus, you'll notice a broader scanning range when twisting your head. Thank you.

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  6. Not my cup of tea, of course, but more power to all you straight gals out there!

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    1. Thanks Deb. Must be nice to not have to worry about penile preparation. Clits are more cooperative than penises, generally.

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  7. When I saw the title, I was a little afraid to come and read the post. I think I was right to be scared.

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    1. Yes, you should've trusted your instincts, Ruth.

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  8. By "preparing the penis" do you mean activating the launch code?

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    1. That's one analogy, Stephen. Martie likens it to preheating the oven, letting it simmer, and storing it in tupperware overnight.

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  9. Looks like she's been hanging around headshrinkers! :)

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    1. Thank goodness her ego got smaller in the process.

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  10. what Stephen said.
    Although I don't need a lot of prep work.

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    1. Alex, you're ready for take-off when your wife is on the same planet as the launch pad. Lucky lady.

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  11. What? There is preparation? Damn, I'm out of the loop

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    1. No worries, Pat. Get some marinade and tupperware, and you'll be caught up.

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  12. The last thing I like wearing is ass floss. They are so uncomfortable. I think the only way she will get a good time is if you put a bag over her body-her head just won't do

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    1. I don't understand why any woman would prefer ass floss to anything. Why not just go nude?

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  13. I wouldn't take anything from her, even if it didn't cost me a dime.

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  14. As regards penile penetration, the bra is irrelevant and the panties are unhelpful. Did this woman receive sex education?

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    1. She teaches it, GB. But she has no life experience, except that her parents had sex when she was conceived.

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  15. Almost sounds like a cooking recipe. :D

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    1. You should see what she does with asparagus, Rosey. Or better not to know.

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  16. That picture is going to give me nightmares!

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  17. Me too, Sherry. Sorry. Stare at a photo of Antonio Banderas. Maybe???

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  18. I used to hate wearing thongs but not as much as I hated pantie lines…so, I made the switch. Although Martha's rear looks much better than mine. That is her rear, right?

    Hope you're doing well my friend!!

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  19. I'm late on comments but this P is a doozy.

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  20. This reminds me....
    I once stuffed my pants with a potato in order to impress the ladies (or dudes...I won't judge), but I couldn't figure out why everyone was laughing instead. Then, I realized...the potato is supposed to go in the front.
    Probably shouldn't have used a baked potato, either. That would have been more comfortable.

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    1. And the sour cream really sent the ladies or gentlemen (I won't judge either) run faster than a freight train - away from you, that is.

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  21. 582 DOLLARS FOR UNDERWEAR?? It had better come with a "Get laid or twice your money back" guarantee!

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    1. So long as it's not a "Get laid by Martha Stewart" guarantee.

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  22. It was too disturbing. I have no comment ;)

    You can find me here:
    ClarabelleRant

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  23. I think Martha has a case of Beetlejuice head here. Or her head is finally shrinking to the size of her brain.

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