And I Wrote This Book.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Martha Stewart, Delightful Daring Dominatrix: A - Z Challenge

Hello, I'm - well, you know. I'm slightly perplexed. Nobody jumped on, at, above, or under my curvacious cluster of curves yesterday. So I had the work reversed; my chest is restored to normal. Still, a --Martha clears her throat-- mature woman needs a good *bleep*. I decided that with all the BDSM hooplah lately, I'll take control and get on top of things. So I pulled together my dogs' bow-tie, blanket, and the straps from the zipline I had built for them in the New Haven guest house garden. These simple, everyday materials make a Delightful Daring Dominatrix outfit. I'll sell it to you for just $1,145. First, I'm going in search of prey. Wish me luck. *Wink.*

53 comments:

  1. Normal? Martha?
    And I suspect that Dire Dominatrix is closer to the mark than delightful.
    Can we club together to pay whatever it costs to have her held in Durance Vile?

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    1. We'll start taking up a collection here, EC. Great idea.

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  2. I don't think Martha has those abs.

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    1. Amazing what a little photo-shopping can do, Rhonda.

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  3. I'll chip in EC, if only to clear that visual from my brain. I just threw up in my mouth a litttle.

    EW!

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    1. Oh no, sorry, Jac. At least you didn't have your Easter meal yet. Right?

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  4. That looks like something the cat would bury in the litterbox, she needs more than luck

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    1. You mean, a personality, morals and a clue? I agree.

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  5. Well, there is a visual I didn't want to wake up to.
    And I just seen her on the Beiber roast and somehow this all makes sense now.
    Too funny,

    Bushman
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @jwb81074

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    1. Martha is trying to boost her image all around. She's not too bright, though. It's being deflated. And to end her roast by telling Bieber, "Call me"? How sick is that?! Sorry for the unsightly sight, Jeff, but I appreciate the visit.

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  6. One thing you can say for Martha...she'll never be a typical 'little old lady'.

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    1. Strange this, though, Delores, she still lacks personality.

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  7. Pretty safe bet that outfit wouldn't turn on either my wife or me.

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  8. A dominatrix? I just can't picture her that way!

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    1. Spoiler alert: Maybe that's why she's not successful with this outfit either, Martha.

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  9. Dominatrix was probably her second career choice on her college interviews.

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    1. Actually, it was her first. But they told her she didn't have what it takes so she decided to toss salads and beat eggs.

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  10. Oh oh the pool boy, Gunther, better watch out. I have a feeling Martha has a whole closet full of whips and chains

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    1. Haha, she's got several dungeons, Birgit. Run, Gunther, Run!

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  11. Hahahahahahahaha! Love this :D

    Thanks for the visit over at Quiet Laughter earlier--lovely to meet you, too!

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  12. Any more work done and things are just going to start falling off ala Michael Jackson's nose.

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    1. They already have, Ruth. You don't see what it looks like with her pants off.

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  13. Replies
    1. It's a sauce we're all allergic too, JoJo. Smiles.

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  14. Just as I've always suspected: Martha has tiny breasts. Happy Easter.

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    1. Yeah, she's been stuffing her bra since puberty, and that was circa 1730.

      Happy Easter, Stephen.

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  15. Mysteriously her 'D' cups done vanished. A divine Dominatrix, indeed! Go easy on the gefilte fish, Robyn!

    Julie

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    1. All six of those D cups vanished, Julie.
      Mmm, gefilte fish. Do you like it, Julie? Most either love or hate it. I love it and hope to get more tonight.

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  16. Yikes. Not sure if I should have read this in daylight

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    1. He skin is blindingly pasty. Sorry, Joanne. Plus, she forgot to shave for the photo.

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  17. It's not the same without the boob-arm!

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    1. True, DC. When he fake boob went, the arm went too. It may reappear at some point.

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  18. I'm thinking that outfit probably gets pretty drafty.

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    1. Good point, Rosey. She's bound to get a chest cold. Then again, she doesn't exactly have a chest.

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  19. Anyone who features chocolate and Martha Stewart parodies is OK by me!

    http://shrinkrapped.com/

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    1. Why thank you, CuteAsAButton. Adorable name. I'll pay a visit asap.

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  20. Replies
    1. Lots of grins around here at Martie's expense. I love it. Thanks, Sandra.

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  21. This is hysterical! I had to go back and read all your previous posts. Followed, because this has to be the queen of creative A to Z topics. So to speak, of course. Alana - ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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    1. Woohoo! Thank you, bookworm. Alana? That's my middle name! I love it, and always wished it was my first name. Really appreciate the follow.

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  22. Excuse me, I think I just caught a glimpse of a boob-arm fingering its way down the road. Must hide now.

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    1. Could there be a more creepy visual? Stick around and you'll find out. *Insert evil laughter.*

      Smiles. Happy Easter, Geo.

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  23. Yep, I'm on board, you are absolutely making me a Martha fan.

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    1. Well, I've got the rest of the alphabet to change that, Pickleope Von Pickleope.

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  24. Poor Martha. She's just not sexy with or without boobs.

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  25. I'm not one bit surprised at this revelation of Martha's kinky side although I suspect Alan Cuming will be appalled when he sees whose head you stuck on his body.

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  26. The poor men in her life!! I feel so bad for them.

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  27. Oh. My. Gawd! I have been trying sooo hard to get over here just for these posts! LOL. I have been all over the place this past week, but you just made my night.

    I can't wait to see the rest of Ms. Martha's posts. Hope you enjoyed your weekend. Ahem...looks like you did. :) Eva

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  28. Well, we all know that Martha, if nothing else, is clever! :D

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