Hey, I'm Marty Stewart. A mature woman needs hormonal balance, and that's why I've created
Testosterone Marthrax. One magical tablet provides 300% of the daily dose of testosterone recommended by Arnold Schwarzenegger. *Belch* Excuse me.
Martha grabs her crotch and continues. This amazing pill adds chest hair, a sportly unibrow, obsessive compulsive remote control fetishism, and the urge to boink anything that moves or stands still.
Martha raises her arms in a victory "v". Yo! Catch ya later.
..."a sportly unibrow..."
ReplyDeleteSomewhere in a distant forest a sloth is puking.
It must be great because Arnie's thumb is looking very stiff. I don't know where it's been but there's no fire without smoke, right?
ReplyDelete"Remote control fetishism, and a sportly unibrow?!" Oh my, you'd think I'd been taking Testosterone Marthrax for years!
ReplyDeleteJulie
If Arnold endorses it, it must be good, right? :) And I just caught a glimpse of your GFC on the side, can't believe I wasn't already following. Follower #700, woot!
ReplyDeleteWoot! Woot! Woot! Thank you, Rosey! *Belch* Excuse me. *Grabs crotch.* *Rawkn Robyn dance ensues.*
DeleteHey, I resemble that remote control fetish!
ReplyDeleteBut there's that nagging risk of prostate cancer. Gotta be better than a uni-brow, though.
ReplyDeleteBTW, Gary Coleman returns to Penwasser Place today.
Oh no, is W going to be for waxing that unibrow and chest hair? Sure hope so 'cause I wanna hear Martha scream!
ReplyDeleteUnibrow. Exactly what's needed. Throw in a male Speedo and you're all set.
ReplyDeleteOh my, what's next? The Beer Belly Waltz? Or Martha becomes a (plumber's) crack addict?
ReplyDelete"Plumber's crack addict" - SO GOOD! How do you come up with these things?
DeleteShe'd have to want to boink anything that moves because only .0001 percent of the population would want to boink her back
ReplyDeleteOh Marty, Marty, Marty. What big biceps you have!
ReplyDeleteMarty Stewart- sometimes I think it is too early for me to read blogs. I thought that's weird, where's your thing about Martha, Marty Stewart is a country singer. But, Marty Stuart is the country singer and this is about Martha aka Marty. I may need to go lay down.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what this stuff would do to her voice. She already had a low tone. What are you thoughts? Any grunting noises in her future?
Grunting, belching, pig-hog-boar noises...and it only gets worse, Ruth.
Deleteinteresting twist to Martha World. I had no idea what you'd do for T - now I wish I hadn't found out.
ReplyDeleteI can't blame you, Joanne. Martha took that T in an unexpectedly disturbing erection. I mean, direction.
DeleteThe thought of a "boinking" Martha is almost more than I can handle.
ReplyDeleteLOL! It sounds like quite the pill.
ReplyDeleteUntethered Realms
Oh oh-I am the OCD for the remote control. Do you think Martha slipped one of these into my drink? Martha is a man in drag...oh oh maybe it's Bruce Jenner!
ReplyDeleteThey are lookalikes now, aren't they?
DeleteThe thing every woman needs... facial hair everywhere. I feel like smacking Marty.
ReplyDeleteI'm only 65. Is Testosterone Marthrax on Medicare Plan D? Will it help me finish puberty?
ReplyDeleteHow hairy do you want to be before finishing puberty, Geo? If your doctor is willing to present a case of medical necessity, it can be done.
DeleteUm, no thank you. :) A pill I wish not to take.
ReplyDeleteGood grief. I'll pass. I tend to my unladylike enough. ;o
ReplyDeletethe saga continues and she becomes less and less attractive... she washed up as a sex-goddess, she'd be better off as an insider-trader
ReplyDeleteOh, that's one pill I need to avoid. I just spent all morning plucking my unibrow. Don't need to add more work than necessary, you know!
ReplyDeleteNot for me, thanks. It looks good on Martha though!
ReplyDeleteUmmm yeah. So glad hubby doesn't need that. Cause, no thank you.
ReplyDelete