And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Marty Stewart on Testosterone: A-Z Challenge

Hey, I'm Marty Stewart. A mature woman needs hormonal balance, and that's why I've created Testosterone Marthrax. One magical tablet provides 300% of the daily dose of testosterone recommended by Arnold Schwarzenegger. *Belch* Excuse me. Martha grabs her crotch and continues. This amazing pill adds chest hair, a sportly unibrow, obsessive compulsive remote control fetishism, and the urge to boink anything that moves or stands still. Martha raises her arms in a victory "v". Yo! Catch ya later.

30 comments:

  1. ..."a sportly unibrow..."

    Somewhere in a distant forest a sloth is puking.

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  2. It must be great because Arnie's thumb is looking very stiff. I don't know where it's been but there's no fire without smoke, right?

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  3. "Remote control fetishism, and a sportly unibrow?!" Oh my, you'd think I'd been taking Testosterone Marthrax for years!

    Julie

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  4. If Arnold endorses it, it must be good, right? :) And I just caught a glimpse of your GFC on the side, can't believe I wasn't already following. Follower #700, woot!

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    1. Woot! Woot! Woot! Thank you, Rosey! *Belch* Excuse me. *Grabs crotch.* *Rawkn Robyn dance ensues.*

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  5. Hey, I resemble that remote control fetish!

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  6. But there's that nagging risk of prostate cancer. Gotta be better than a uni-brow, though.
    BTW, Gary Coleman returns to Penwasser Place today.

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  7. Oh no, is W going to be for waxing that unibrow and chest hair? Sure hope so 'cause I wanna hear Martha scream!

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  8. Unibrow. Exactly what's needed. Throw in a male Speedo and you're all set.

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  9. Oh my, what's next? The Beer Belly Waltz? Or Martha becomes a (plumber's) crack addict?

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    Replies
    1. "Plumber's crack addict" - SO GOOD! How do you come up with these things?

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  10. She'd have to want to boink anything that moves because only .0001 percent of the population would want to boink her back

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  11. Oh Marty, Marty, Marty. What big biceps you have!

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  12. Marty Stewart- sometimes I think it is too early for me to read blogs. I thought that's weird, where's your thing about Martha, Marty Stewart is a country singer. But, Marty Stuart is the country singer and this is about Martha aka Marty. I may need to go lay down.
    I wonder what this stuff would do to her voice. She already had a low tone. What are you thoughts? Any grunting noises in her future?

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    1. Grunting, belching, pig-hog-boar noises...and it only gets worse, Ruth.

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  13. interesting twist to Martha World. I had no idea what you'd do for T - now I wish I hadn't found out.

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    1. I can't blame you, Joanne. Martha took that T in an unexpectedly disturbing erection. I mean, direction.

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  14. The thought of a "boinking" Martha is almost more than I can handle.

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  15. Oh oh-I am the OCD for the remote control. Do you think Martha slipped one of these into my drink? Martha is a man in drag...oh oh maybe it's Bruce Jenner!

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  16. The thing every woman needs... facial hair everywhere. I feel like smacking Marty.

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  17. I'm only 65. Is Testosterone Marthrax on Medicare Plan D? Will it help me finish puberty?

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    Replies
    1. How hairy do you want to be before finishing puberty, Geo? If your doctor is willing to present a case of medical necessity, it can be done.

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  18. Um, no thank you. :) A pill I wish not to take.

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  19. Good grief. I'll pass. I tend to my unladylike enough. ;o

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  20. the saga continues and she becomes less and less attractive... she washed up as a sex-goddess, she'd be better off as an insider-trader

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  21. Oh, that's one pill I need to avoid. I just spent all morning plucking my unibrow. Don't need to add more work than necessary, you know!

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  22. Not for me, thanks. It looks good on Martha though!

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  23. Ummm yeah. So glad hubby doesn't need that. Cause, no thank you.

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