One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Monday, October 15, 2018

Halloween Erotica II, More Candy Porn

 



Dear Sillies,
   One is never enough, right? Here's Halloween Erotica, II for ya.
   And a repetition of my annual announcement: When shopping for Halloween candy, please follow one and only one rule: AVOID ALL THINGS HERSHEY. They haven't changed their evil ways. Hershey supports child enslavement in the West Indies - where it gets its chocolate. But there are plenty of healthier options (raisins, granola bars, or closing the door and shutting the lights).

   Please be well. Be safe. Be naughty. Be nice.
   I love ya.

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Halloween Erotica, The Original Candy Porn

Dear Sillies,
   My annual announcement: When shopping for Halloween candy, please follow one and only one rule: AVOID HERSHEY'S. They haven't changed their evil ways. Hershey's supports child enslavement in the West Indies - where it gets its chocolate.
   Unfortunately, all the sub-par standard candy (M&M's, Milky Way, etc.) is owned by them too. But there are plenty of healthier options (raisins, granola bars, or closing the door and shutting the lights).
   On a sweeter note,  years ago, I began to write a playful Halloween poem. But my warped brain and lustful sweet tooth penetrated inappropriate terrain. So began my poetic erotica series. Accidentally. Don't blame me. Blame the dark and milky ones that I can't get enough of. Wink.
    Enjoy.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Courage, A Poetic Repost

Hi, Dear Sillies,
   Certain events brought me back to this one. I'm sorry I haven't generated new poetry lately. It comes and goes and has been gone for a while (except when I wrote The Trumpeter).
   Happy October, dear ones.
   Be good to yourselves.

Extending the dance, 

When you’ve long lost your groove
Swimming to shore too frail to move.

Stepping towards light, when darkness abounds
Permitting a laugh amid no other sounds.

Confronting a beast no one should endure
It strikes with no warning, no reprieve and no cure.
 

Snuggling with hope, when the pain you can’t bear
Unveiling your heart in the face of despair.

Conveying a smile, when you’d much rather cry

Speaking the truth though it’s safer to lie.

Taking a stance, when integrity’s lost
Forcing what’s right in spite of the cost.
 


Holding to faith in your value and worth
Maintaining a grace that softens the earth.
 


Passing with ease
As you air your last breath

A hero whose soul
Transcends life
and death.
Photo by me, 9/17, Greek Perspective

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Trumpeter's New Clothes - a video SHTICK

My Dearest of Dear Sillies,
How are you? Smiling, I hope.

                                                                        
   I'm very fortunate to have a generous, talented group of local friends, in addition to you. Bill Mash, in particular, put this video shtick together, asking nothing in return. It's ridiculously funny, with ear-catching sound effects. 
   To spare you time - and given the average attention span these days is approximately 2.5 seconds - I suggest you listen to it at 58 seconds through 1:41 (43 seconds total, IF I'm doing the math correctly. That's iffy.). My favorite part, though, is the end bit, from 8:06 minutes to 9:18 minutes. (72 seconds and just as iffy).
   This is my book in its entirety, along with a lot of meshugenah.* I'm narrating it, and I laugh every time I hear the Trumpeter King's (a local friend, Jason Allen's) voice in this. Bride Gnat and Bride Knit are played by one phenomenal actress-comic, Annie Fisher. Anyway, I hope you enjoy for 42 seconds or so.

Meshugenah - from the Urban Dictionary
A yiddish word that jews use meaning crazy.
That bitch is meshugenah
by harry shvang August 24, 2006

Take care of yourselves.
Til next time. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Wherein I Hugged an Emu

Hi, Dear Sillies,
May you be safe and well.
Last weekend, I traveled to wine country (Geyserville in Sonoma County) for a friend's birthday gathering.We celebrated at Isis Oasis retreat center and animal sanctuary.
There, I took photos and cozied up to an emu.
The California grapevine. How could I resist plucking and eating one? or two? I couldn't. Ssh.

I don't know this emu's* name. It's approximately 5 foot 8 inches tall -when neck is outstretched- and weighs 140 pounds. That woman? She basically birthed this emu - I didn't get (or want) the explicit details. But when he was a wee wee one in an egg, the egg needed to be incubated for a stretch of time. She took care of that. It's kinda her baby. [Note that I have all sorts of questions. Did she sit on the egg? With panties on? Did she breast-feed once it was born?...] They did appear to be very, very close.*Emus originate in Africa and are the world's second largest bird. First is the ostrich, but you knew that.
Who'd have thought a white peacock would be so beautiful?

                                                                                               silkie


Funny how outgoing all the creatures were. This parrot was ready to pose for (very) close-ups.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Happy Jewish New Year! 5779

Dear Sillies,
It's a New Year for the Jewish people, 5779. Oy vey, we're old.
Happy New Year everyone! We can all use a new start, right?
Let's see how celebrities pay tribute to this milestone...
Click on image, if you dare.



















Love,
Bernie and Robyn

Sunday, September 2, 2018

TeachErotica: Learning Can Be Fun!

Dears,
It's back to school time, and I'm a strong proponent of higher education. Learning is good. Learning by doing, even better. Gentle yet decisive individualized hands on guidance? As good as it gets! Enjoy. Wink.
 
Take good care of yourselves, dear sillies.
You are loved, by me and many others.
PS Sorry that Martha needed to show-off her new and improved Dad bod, and I apparently needed to re-post this. Forgive me.

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Reasons for Celibacy, #29-33

Hi, Dear Sillies,
   First, I want to point you to Joanne's blog - in case you're not one of her groupies. I'm being selfish. Joanne gave Trumpeter a wonderful spotlight. She's also just an all-out awesome blogger, author, woman, and e-friend. You should follow her blog and buy my book. If you haven't already. 
   Now, it's time to present more reasons for celibacy. As usual, these are lifted from internet dating ads and mixed with my italicized snark.
   Be well, my friends, and laugh.

   Love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #29: Argue like an italian. Well, okay. Your Mama's cannoli is the ugliest I've ever seen! What man would want a piece of that?

REASON #30: Me likey the noir. Me no likey your noir.

REASON #31: Looking for a woman who gots my back I gots to guess you gots one of those hairy backs. I gots no interest.

REASON #32: I shall endevour to be as neutral and accurate as possible while maintaining a     "Positive Spin" in a P.T. Barnum kinda way. That sentence was extremely painful, in a freak show PT Barnum kind of way. Lived in a Norman Rockwell painting for several years with no parental supervision. I suppose if I lived in a painting, I’d make sure my parents weren’t watching me either. I am searching for the woman of my dreams. ( Note the use of the singular subject of the sentence.) (Once again, please note the use of the singular noun.) Sweetheart, I suggest you get used to the singular thing.

REASON #33: Need someone to fetch me beers! I have a suggestion, love bug. It goes like this: Go to the nearest kennel, ask for an empty cage, and stay in it. 

Monday, August 20, 2018

On Me, Men, and Meshugenah

Hi, Dear Sillies,

How are you? Please say, and say honestly, that you're doing fine.

Life is meshugenah. This means "crazy" in a fun, Yiddish sort of way.

A lot of excitement has ensued in the aftermath of my breakup with Dude Three last Fall. No worries if you don't remember the story. I'll catch ya up. And because I don't have a real photo of them, I borrowed this resemblance from google images.
Here's the cast of characters:

Dude Three - latest boyfriend. Our relationship lasted approximately 7 weeks. I know. It's almost a new record for me.  But when he proved himself an angry, mentally unstable man, I called quits.

Skank - A neighbor and a friend, initially. Note that I don't judge women who sleep around. I envy them. But this one gets the nickname Skank because she made moves on Dude Three while pretending nothing was going on, when I spoke with her about the breakup. She then announced her new love for him on FB with a photo of them holding hands. Next, weeks later, he moved in with her. Down the street from me. Note 2: We're all in our fifties. Note 3: This story falls under the genre of nonfiction.   

Me - sexually repressed, not-wanting-to-settle-but-routinely-and-naively-settling me. Yet I typically come back to the realization that my life is much better alone. With batteries.

   Months had passed since I learned of their coupledom. I grew tired of, but used to, seeing Dude Three's car every day and night. None of us spoke, though we saw each other regularly.
   Skank would continue to park her car next to mine, in a space that isn't hers. (It's another neighbor, Geezer's. More on him later.)  But I remained mature and well behaved. You all helped me with that. ("Be tall, Robyn." You advised. I thus stood as erect as my 4 foot 8 inch stature allowed.)  Oh, besides the one time I shouted "Skank!" as she walked by my front window. (Damn Tourette's.)
   One morning earlier this summer, I stepped out to put a few items in my car. Skank was by the mailboxes, a yard or so away. She'd purposely been parking extra close to my car, making it difficult to open my car door. I decided enough time had passed, I'd be mature.
   "Would you please not park so close to my car?" I asked, in a polite and calm tone.
   Things got ugly fast.
   Skank dashed to the carport to show me that she'd not crossed an imaginary halfway mark. "Look! This is halfway! See this line! I'm not over the line! Geezer lets me park here! I'm not in your sp--"
   I opened my car door to demonstrate my lack of space. "I can't even open this without hitting--''. My door hit her car, proving my argument.

   Skank's eyes widened. She grabbed her front door handle, opened and then slammed the door viciously against my car. Then again!
   Shocked and angered, my adrenaline soared.
   Skank had left a visible long vertical streak of paint on my car...to be continued. 

Hint: It gets worse.  

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Latest in Chocolate: Chocolate Frosted Flakes

Hi, Dear Sillies,
How are you?
I'm always thinking about you.
This time, my thoughts took me to...
Frosted Flakes Chocolate Breakfast Cereal - 10.2oz - Kellogg's - image 1 of 9

Admittedly, I didn't eat these for breakfast. I only sampled a scoopful at Costco. That's all it took. Didn't want to spend money on Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. The are not GGGGRREEAT! Don't do it, friends. I love the original. I love chocolate. (Duh.) But this combination is just wrong. I don't know what they use for chocolate flavoring but I don't think it's...chocolate. It hard to detect any real chocolate. Whatever it is, it drowns out the formerly loved cereal for me. I give Kellogg's Chocolate Frosted Flakes a 1 on a 1-10 scale (10 being GGGRRREEAT!). Why'd ya go and ruin a good thing, Kellogg's? Take 'em off the shelves. That'd be great.

Have you tried these? Given them to your kids? Dogs or cats? Let me know what you think.

Be well, and take care of your great selves, my dears.
I love ya. 

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

A Beer for the Chocolate or Life by the Shower

Dear Sillies,
Joanne Faries already won our Giveaway Game, when she guessed that those Tornado Shelter signs are in fact in Denver Colorado's Airport.  I went to Denver for a needed getaway, and to visit with friends. One of those friends is someone we all know, love, and miss a lot.

When I first saw their blog, I figured they were obnoxious frat guy types --so cute, couple-y, and confident. Years later, one of them is now a busy Daddy to a one year old. The other has become a very dear friend.

This was our first in-person meeting.
Yeah, I got to meet Bryan Pedas of A Beer for the Shower fame! We had a yummy Vietnamese meal, plus great discourse about our respective lives and creative endeavors. Bryan had to take the blog down, when blogger made for all sorts of complications with his responding to readers. Don't worry, though. He's working on an animated film. I've been honored to be privy to the process, and I'm beyond impressed. It's like nothing I've ever seen. He's amazing, as we know. Very thoughtful and as nice as can be too. The same could be said for Brandon. I think. We just don't know if he actually exists, but I'm told he does. Oh and the cat on Bryan's shirt? He's been asked if that's an actual photo. As in: Is that truly an astronaut cat? Naturally, he responded to the effect of "Yes, it is. Only monkeys get credit for going into outer space, but this cat has been to the moon and back."

There you go. Making the cross from virtual to real life. A Beer for the Chocolate, Life by the Shower, or something. Our connections run deep and keep us going. Tis a wonderful world, this blog land.

Take care of yourselves, my friends.
Love you.



Tuesday, July 31, 2018

The Fires, Kindness, and etc.

Dear Caring Sillies,
I find myself going silent in times like this. As you likely know, massive portions of Northern CA have been destroyed and the destruction continues. The fires are 75 miles north of me, and I'm perfectly safe. Yet safety feels like an incredible luxury right now. Whenever my thoughts stray to the fires, they land at the sentiment that all I can do is be kind and generous to those in need.

Kindness. It's nothing and it's everything. (I'm re-posting an ole and revised poem).

NOTHING AND EVERYTHING
We grapple to find answers
When there are none to be found
Since trauma and destruction
Never stem from somewhere sound
We want to make wrong right somehow
But can't undo the pain
Of spirits crushed by tragedy
Mere words seem so inane
We can offer loving kindness
To those who fight to live
It's everything.
It's nothing.
It's all we have to give.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Onto fun and cheer ~ the astute and witty Joanne at Word Splash, WON my Giveaway Guessing Game. And she WON so QUICKLY! I didn't think anyone would guess that the blizzard and tornado warnings were in Denver Colorado. But they were. Congratulations, smart lady! 

Two more snapshots:
Wherein I found my zen (from a little chocolate shop in Idaho Springs, CO)
Castlewood Canyon - on the search for waterfalls, which I never found (thus, the half smile).
More to come ~ the highlight, visit with a special person...
On an altogether different, tacky and self-promotional note: The Trumpeter's New Clothes is FREE as an ebook today (7/31) through Saturday (8/4) HERE. 

Please be safe, be well, and treat yourselves kindly.
Love.

Friday, July 27, 2018

Where in the World Did I Go? Giveaway Game

Hi, My Dear Sillies,
    I went away last week. Where'd I go? That's for you to figure out. The first to guess this secret locale will win a copy of The Trumpeter's New Clothes, plus a little treat. If the winner already has my book, surely they know someone who'd enjoy a tiny orange-ish gift.
   Now, come with me!
   A bit haggard, we've landed at the airport.
   Hint 1: We're in a different time-zone than California's.

Hint 2:
Hint 3:
Our flight home is delayed by 11.5 hours due to harsh weather conditions. This affords us the time to begin and finish (reading) a new book; exchange words with United employees, meet nice people, and connect with a former colleague who happens to be booked on the same flight. If you're still with me, we're also going to attempt to sleep on the airport floor. Don't worry, they give out flimsy airport blankets for our convenience. We get free bottled water too, so we're fine. Keep faith. We'll arrive home a day after planned.
   Yet it was entirely worth the adventure because...to be continued soon. 

Take care of yourselves and have a safe, relaxing weekend, Sillies.
    

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

One Rainbow Tribe, One Little Break

My Dearest and Silliest of Friends,
   I'll be taking a little break for approximately one week. Take care of yourselves, and know I'll be thinking about you.
   In the meantime, I leave you with one of my most recent poems. You can find this scroll in The Trumpeter's New Clothes. (Now in e-book for only $2.99!) My exceptional illustrator, Steve Ferchaud, created this illustration using real parchment paper. The message conveys my thoughts about humankind - its threats and its treasures.
PS In case you missed it, the book is here. Wink.
One rainbow tribe!
Love you.

Monday, July 9, 2018

Comment Collage - Starring YOU!

My Beloved Sillies,
It always gives me hearty laughter to pull your comments together.
I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.
Take care of yourselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@


Birgit said Since Georgie had wooden teeth, I bet other parts were made of wood. He may have invented the term woody.
Debra She Who Seeks said Teef and hung like a hamster? Oooooo baby!
Alex J. Cavanaugh said That's why no man will ever give my wife a massage.
Joanne said Oh heavens to Betsy...wave that flag proudly. Kneel when necessary.  
L. Diane Wolfe said Betsy was a saucy girl. The Silver Fox said So, does that mean I might get laid on Flag Day?
Jono said She is so strong and kind and turns me into a noodle.  
Elizabeth Seckman said Does that make me a virgin? L. Diane Wolfe said He might have a job and teeth but I bet he still shops at Walmart.
Alex J. Cavanaugh said And of course Martha has to horn her way in...Anthony J. Langford said I need a good old gust to come through and hoist that baby!
Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said I do loves me a smart sexy woman who can write about topics that make me stand up and salute her genius.                       Debra She Who Seeks said So THAT'S what Bernie's doing these days! Geo said Robyn, you helped cheer up an old man on a difficult day.
Pat Hatt said It would just be rude to poke an eye out after being invited in.
mail4rosey test... just testing to see if this posts. Janie Junebug said Don't you mean John Handoncock?Love, Janie Connie said Whew! It was already hot here, and now it's even hotter!
Elephant's Child said Swoon. Sandy said Read an article a few days ago the a Veteran posted, he says the most patriotic people he sees, are those kneeling. Hurrah for him I say.
Birgit said I'm sorry but I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke.
LD Masterson said And don't let it get rained on unless it's properly lit. (Oddly enough, that's actual flag etiquette. Sort of.)
Connie said You crack me up, Robyn.
Elephant's Child said Patriotic duty suggests that if the flag is erect during the hours of darkness it should be properly illuminated.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Saluting John Hancock



Sorry, Friends. 

Rest assured, though, the image could be worse. I tried to enhance it to its original size, and - wow! - that was way too big!
Wherever you live, whatever your politics, may you appreciate all that inspires you to drop to your knees.
Love ya.


Monday, June 25, 2018

Reasons #24-28 for Celibacy, Winner Has Job AND Teeth!

Dear Sillies, 
   Let's get back to some dating ad nonsense, shall we? Please enjoy this slew of reasons for my celibate existence these and most days. 
  Be well. Keep a smile, hope, and a stash of chocolate. 
  I love ya. ~~~(@

REASON #24: I have been single since me and my ex wife got divorced. Um, dude, why did you divorce your ex wife? In CA, you need not repeat the dreaded process. Sorry I didn’t tell you that years ago.

REASON #25: 3ft7 384lbs all hairy with warts covering the hump on my back, cross-eyed, drooling, no teef, pimpled faced, peg legged and club footed, hung like a hamster, living in a van down by the river. I'm dead sexxay. Okay okay, not really, but I figured this would at least get a chuckle or two, and if not, then you might not get my cents, since, sense yeah, that's it, sense of humor. Just ask me anything you want to know, I am an open book when it comes to myself, no need to hide anything. I beg to differ.
REASON #26: I'm a single dad with a 7 year old daughter. Absolute angle and the love of my life. Poor girl. Is she obtuse, acute, or perpendicular?
REASON #27: Have job and teeth. Winner! {Note: See competition.} Have number? Free tonight?
 
REASON #28: Hay: I am all that I am because I am not afraid to try (now that’s deep) . (Deep is a relative term. You’re relatively challenged. Aren’t you, babe?) ok now that the bs is a flying lets get real.I believe that the cup is three quarters full. Full of what, sweetie?

Monday, June 18, 2018

SUMMEROTICA

Dear Sillies,
Summer shall make its grand entrance this week.
That said, please do whatever it takes to stay cool AND hot.
I love ya.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Betsy Ross, Sex Goddess


Dear Sillies,
If you have one, yank it out and wave it proudly!
{Incidentally, Thursday is Flag Day.}
Take care of yourselves, my friends.


Monday, June 4, 2018

The Trumpeter's New Clothes! Warning: Not for those who lean Orange

FOR YOU, my Dear Sillies ~
buy my book HERE


"I'm the most top best," he blurted.
"I never get hurted!"


Another gloat-show had been botched.
Nobody cared.
No-one watched.
                                      
                              An uplifting, hopeful finale ~ a more beautiful world.

E-book is underway. Sorry I don't have link yet.
Paperback is HERE.


A collage of your comments during our Sneak Peek game:

Birgit These 2 ladies are the cheerleaders for games and hope their handkerchief will be picked by Sir Cops a feel.
Geo. "Who are these women?" They are victims of the upsidedown icecream cone fashion fad.
"What do they want?" To be restored to their former seniority over frozen confections.

The Silver Fox These ladies may have been the first groupies in history. As for the third woman? Well... Everybody's a critic! Pat Hatt 
A bad voice got the 2nd one in a snit.
Debra She Who Seeks That instrument is the trumpet sticking out of Donald Trump's ass. Elephant's Child What do the women want? The same thing that women have ALWAYS wanted. And the woman with her hands over her ears is not listening to those who say that she can't/shouldn't have it.
Anthony J. Langford I'll say it's a wedding that the 2nd lady didnt want to happen..kind of like Harry's ex. Joanne The instrument is a flugelhorn (very Dr. Seussian) and the porcu-bear had to save the damsel from drowning in a chocolate fountain.
Sherry Ellis The instrument is a shlongophone. My father-in-law plays one.

Connie I don't know what the missing word is, but I've been giving all these clues some thought. Is your book based on the story of The Emperor's New Clothes, and is it starring Donald Trump? DING! DING! DING! CONNIE WINS FREE AUTOGRAPHED BOOK!!

   As I not-so-subtlety revealed in the last post, the creature is in fact a porcupine. The women are Rushing Brides, and the instrument is a trumpet. (Yeah, Debra!). From QUEENS arose a King. The rest, you can find out on your own.
   This Orange babe, my contribution to the resistance, and my fuel to energize us in creating a more beautiful world, is thanks to two grand men: illustrator Steve Ferchaud, and my all-around lifesaver, Bryan Pedas. I’m also indebted to bloggy buddies, Debra, Janie, Sue-Elephant’s Child, and Connie; and to my good friend, Lara – all of whom put their obligations aside to purchase my book, write reviews, post about this, and support me through the finish line (and now, new starting gate).


Love, Love, Love!
One rainbow tribe. (You'll see these words in Trumpeter.) 
PS Book link is HERE too!