My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, June 18, 2018

SUMMEROTICA

Dear Sillies,
Summer shall make its grand entrance this week.
That said, please do whatever it takes to stay cool AND hot.
I love ya.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Betsy Ross, Sex Goddess


Dear Sillies,
If you have one, yank it out and wave it proudly!
{Incidentally, Thursday is Flag Day.}
Take care of yourselves, my friends.


Monday, June 4, 2018

The Trumpeter's New Clothes! Warning: Not for those who lean Orange

FOR YOU, my Dear Sillies ~
buy my book HERE


"I'm the most top best," he blurted.
"I never get hurted!"


Another gloat-show had been botched.
Nobody cared.
No-one watched.
                                      
                              An uplifting, hopeful finale ~ a more beautiful world.

E-book is underway. Sorry I don't have link yet.
Paperback is HERE.


A collage of your comments during our Sneak Peek game:

Birgit These 2 ladies are the cheerleaders for games and hope their handkerchief will be picked by Sir Cops a feel.
Geo. "Who are these women?" They are victims of the upsidedown icecream cone fashion fad.
"What do they want?" To be restored to their former seniority over frozen confections.

The Silver Fox These ladies may have been the first groupies in history. As for the third woman? Well... Everybody's a critic! Pat Hatt 
A bad voice got the 2nd one in a snit.
Debra She Who Seeks That instrument is the trumpet sticking out of Donald Trump's ass. Elephant's Child What do the women want? The same thing that women have ALWAYS wanted. And the woman with her hands over her ears is not listening to those who say that she can't/shouldn't have it.
Anthony J. Langford I'll say it's a wedding that the 2nd lady didnt want to happen..kind of like Harry's ex. Joanne The instrument is a flugelhorn (very Dr. Seussian) and the porcu-bear had to save the damsel from drowning in a chocolate fountain.
Sherry Ellis The instrument is a shlongophone. My father-in-law plays one.

Connie I don't know what the missing word is, but I've been giving all these clues some thought. Is your book based on the story of The Emperor's New Clothes, and is it starring Donald Trump? DING! DING! DING! CONNIE WINS FREE AUTOGRAPHED BOOK!!

   As I not-so-subtlety revealed in the last post, the creature is in fact a porcupine. The women are Rushing Brides, and the instrument is a trumpet. (Yeah, Debra!). From QUEENS arose a King. The rest, you can find out on your own.
   This Orange babe, my contribution to the resistance, and my fuel to energize us in creating a more beautiful world, is thanks to two grand men: illustrator Steve Ferchaud, and my all-around lifesaver, Bryan Pedas. I’m also indebted to bloggy buddies, Debra, Janie, Sue-Elephant’s Child, and Connie; and to my good friend, Lara – all of whom put their obligations aside to purchase my book, write reviews, post about this, and support me through the finish line (and now, new starting gate).


Love, Love, Love!
One rainbow tribe. (You'll see these words in Trumpeter.) 
PS Book link is HERE too!

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Memorial Day, Build More Forests!

My Dears,  
   I've re-re-recycled a Memorial Day post from years prior. Apologies, but sometimes I said it better then than I could now. Oftentimes, I don't know what to say about something so overwhelmingly tragic as war.
    And how can we possibly begin to adequately thank and pay tribute to our military? We can't.
    I did give it thought as a child, though.
                                        My favorite line in the above poem is: "I think more forests should be built."




Nephew Jeremy, age 16 mos.

May it be a meaningful, peaceful and safe Memorial Day.

With gratitude and blessings to all who have served and will serve our country, and to their loved ones, for all time.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Royal Tea and Sneak Peek

Hi, My Sillies,
Everybody's talking about it - the Royal Wedding. Her Royal Highness got the inside story and semi-scandalous pictures for us, Janie Junebug delivered interesting and hilarious fun facts, and here's my favorite photo from the entire event. It begs for captions, because the 96 year old King appears to be feeling rather amorous towards his 92 year old wife. Don't ya think?
"What do you say we partake in a scuffle brew biscuit-pussycat Yorkshire atop tonight, my sweet? The British are due to be coming! Yes?" *Wink. Gaze.*
       "You stay away from my chastity belt, dirty old man. That's saved for my beloved horse Sir Loin, dead you know."  Oh, that's gross. I'm sorry, but who knew she was so perverted? Certainly not I.

   I happened to be awake at the time of the wedding. Really. I didn't plan it. (I actually had a sudden worry related to my book, but that's been worked out.) Anyway, I caught glimpses of the beautiful bride and her fabulously charming husband. Then I went back to sleep.
   In dreamland, I had Royal Tea with the Duchess, Meghan Markle herself. She was very sweet and warm, folks. It's not an act! She smiled at me, though we didn't have time to talk. But I was in! I was the envy of all, because I got to meet her. But then I was lost in a shopping mall with ritzy stores, taking all sorts of elevators, escalators and stairs, to find my way out back to the hotel. Next thing in front of me was a state map of...Washington. Hm. How'd I get there?
   At any rate, I awoke with a warm and cozy feeling. Thank you for the tea, Princess Meghan. It was an honor. You're as beautiful as you seem. You got a cute husband too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now for some final clues and Sneak Peeking, my soon-to-be latest. Rules in previous posts. Join the fun. It's not too late.

Hint #5: It's political satire.

What word is missing from the story's first line?  From _ _ _ _ _ _ arose a King.

    Hint #6, the back cover.  
What's the title?


Have fun. Play along.
Be well and take care of your silly selves.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Sneak Peek Guessing Game & Book Giveaway


Hi, My Dear Sillies.
   Here's another sneak peek of my nearly newborn babe. Expected date of Delivery: June 4th. Expected Size: 6 by 9 inches and very slender (poor thing. I won't be breastfeeding.). Sex: None. Well, perhaps implied, but it's family friendly and G-Rated. Colorful and poetic too.
   This shenanigan is thanks to friend and phenomenal artist, Steve Ferchaud.

   Hint 1: It's for mature children and immature adults. 

   Hint 2: There's a cannon in the tale.

   Hint 3:  It's an adaptation of one of my favorite children's books.
  
   The person with the most correct answers will win a free autographed copy. I'll refrain from stating whether you're right or wrong, until we get to the end.  It's okay if more than one of you are correct. But the first who's right gets an extra-credit point. [Apologies to the very few people who can't play along, because you already know the particulars.] I might be inclined to award points based on creativity alone.

       What just happened?

                                                    What instrument is this part of?


Hint 4 and (FAKE) fun fact:
Remember this creature? Here's his (FAKE) quote on the back cover:
"Phew! It's over! I didn't get paid nearly enough for this gig."


Play! Be silly!
Happy Friday and weekend.
Love ya!

Monday, May 14, 2018

Sneak Peek & Parading as Annie Bidwell

Hi, My Dear Sillies!
   Here's another sneak peek of my soon-to-be-released book. This zany and fun project is thanks to friend and phenomenal artist, Steve Ferchaud.

   Hint 1: It's for mature children and immature adults. 

   Hint 2: There's a cannon in the tale.
  
   The person with the most correct answers will win a free autographed copy. I'll refrain from stating whether you're right or wrong, until we get to the end.  It's okay if more than one of you are correct. But the first who's right, gets an extra-credit point. [Apologies to the very few people who can't play along, because you already know the particulars.]

Questions:
Who are these women?
What do they want?

Why is this woman posed this way?
Have at it! Be silly, and be good to yourselves.

MORE FUN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently portrayed Annie Bidwell, Chico's Founding Mother, in our Pioneer Day Parade. 
Here I am in front of the 1921 Model T. - my ride for the parade! It was exhilarating!  

 Isn't she a beauty? Fun facts about this babe: The driver's door doesn't open. It was designed that way - to save on costs. In 1921, the less wealthy drove this; it cost $350. It's a very smooth ride. I sat on top of the back seat, along with Mr. Bidwell. We were like the Queen and King of the parade.



Monday, May 7, 2018

May Pole Dance Erotica

Hi, Dear Sillies,
May May be good to you, and may you do the May Pole dance at least once this month.
Enjoy.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Sneak Peek Series: Creature Feature

Dearest Silliest of Sillies,
   I was working on something. And while working on that something I hopped onto a twisted road to work on another something. This zany detour is thanks to friend and phenomenal artist, Steve Ferchaud.

   Hint 1: It's for mature children and immature adults. 
   Release date is TBD and soon-ish. 
   For now, please play along with this Sneak Peek Series Game. 

The person with the most correct answers will get a free autographed copy. I'll refrain from stating whether you're right or wrong, until we get to the end.  It's okay if more than one of you are correct. But the first who's right, gets an extra-credit point. [Apologies to the very few people who can't play along, because you already know the particulars.]


Question (1) What creature is this?

Question (2) Where is this creature?
and/or What is this creature doing?
















Artwork by Steve Ferchaud, with his permission to post but no permission to copy, steal, replicate and/or blah blah blah. Thanks. =)


Have an uplifting week, dears, as April spins into May.
Be good to yourselves.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Desperately Seeking

My Dear Sillies,
   Rest assured, you need not invest any effort into finding your soulmate. They will find you!
   This fine gentleman, Welton Carthen, found...not me (I never have such luck), but my and our dear friend, Alex J. Cavanaugh. Yeah, he follows Alex. We can't fault his taste. He wants the best.
   Thanks for sharing him with me, Alex. Not that way. Sheesh, people. Alex and Mrs. Ninja are doing just fine. As for Welton and I, well, things were getting serious until I was distracted by a young Russian beauty.
@welton_carthen I am a single man and not married I am looking for a good woman to spend the rest of my life with ,let talk So has to get to know more about each other

Desperate Russian Girls Looking for Dates To: You

You're looking for me, sweetie? Because I was kinda getting serious with Welton. I see that you wrote to ME, though. YES!! And you're only 29, honey. And you live only 12 km from "the city." Really, Marina? You're 12 km from Chico? That's amazing! Wait, you're 176cm in height? Oooh, I'm afraid I, uh, I'm intimidated. But surely, someone like you is desperate. The struggle is real, isn't it? May this free advertising help! Don't worry. It'll happen some day, babe. That's what they keep telling me. Not everyone is focused on looks. Some people like thick, black eyebrows too. *blowing her a kiss.*

Monday, April 16, 2018

Martha Stewart Returns to Speak on Irrelevance

Robyn: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Start spreadin' the newwwws! a (semi) manly bare-chested Martha blasts onto our stage, flailing and kicking dramatically, as she belts out  I'm leavin' today! I want to-- Robyn: Martha! Stop! Shush! Martha, determined to finish, skips to her grand finale: New York! New-eww-ewww, YORK!!! She extends her arms to her sides and bows repeatedly for the (non existing) audience. Robyn: You've totally lost it, lady! We had a beautiful break from you---  Martha: Oh what a beautiful mooorrrning! Oh what a beautiful--- STOP! Robyn screams. QUIET! Martha stops, insulted. Well, someone hasn't gotten any in a long, long time. And I know long. I used to date Anthony Hopkins,* you know. (*True story - they lasted one year.) Robyn: Talk about scary.  For him. Look, here's the thing, woman. You're completely irrelevant. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is paying attention to you anymore. You mean nothing. How are you dealing with this vast amount of irrelevance, Martie? Martha: It's simple really. Martha smiles. Now, I've never had irregulations myself. But the best measure is to pluck a handful of nice, juicy prunes from your fresh spring garden. Oh how I miss the prison's garden! -Sigh- Slice them babies up into bite-sized pieces, and add them to my specialty salad - with a fistful of robust pine nuts and a squirt of light vinaigrette. Grope the salad with both hands to squeeze out the flowing liquid and -- Martha unleashes an excited exhale, then wipes a bead of sweat from her brow -- Oh where is my carrot? Robyn: Leave! Now! Crazy b*tch!   Robyn then turns to the camera and addresses the home viewers. I'm very sorry for these zany antics, my friends.  
Please have a safe and pleasant week. 
Keep a smile and stay silly!
You are relevant.   

 
 

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Reasons for Celibacy, #18-23

My Dears,
   Sorry I've been gone for a bit. Lots going on - mostly good, the rest manageable. The good stuff, I'll report to you when time is right and fairly soon.
   How are you doing?
   Laughter is always needed. I hope to provide. That said, I now present reasons 18-23 for a celibate existence. These are, as usual, lifted directly from on-line ads and embellished by my snark.
   Keep a smile and some good chocolate handy.
   Love ya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


REASON 18: I like to go to the movies rock concerts. You mean, like the Flintstones? Do you drive with your bare feet on the road too? I like the little things in lif  Is lif the medication you’re taking?  I suggest an increased dosage. It might help you focus enough to find spellcheck.

REASON #19: I like big butts. I cannot lie. The other brothers try and deny but when a pretty female walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in my face, you know what happens. If this made you laugh then I am the guy for you, because that is exactly what I love doing. Making people laugh. You’ve got some work ahead of you, sweetheart.

REASON #20: Me Man You Woman Headline need help, Tarzan.

REASON #21: We love Zeppelin, and great food, and real literature. My wife wants a threesome. That sounds great to me! Can't wait to try. Let's talk about it. She is looking for a very specific sort of girl. We hope you are it. I’m appalled. You mention Zeppelin and “real literature” in the same sentence! What kind of gal do you think I am?

REASON #22: Intelligent, articulate, chivalrous, romantic, very passionate, open minded, dominant but never domineering and sensual. Great kisser (I practice a lot when I am alone!). Hint: I wouldn’t publicize this… I only want to have to carry you part of the time! I don’t want your hands on me any of the time!

REASON #23: Looking For a Friend First I want to meet a women that wants to make a commitment to spend the rest of are life's together. Sounds like (you’re) an oxymoron. 

For fun, I entered a Peep Diorama contest. I didn't win, but I'm quite certain Gumby had a great time. (Hint: See lower left side of photo.)
                                                                Flo's Peep Show