And I Wrote This Book.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Martha Stewart's Wafer-thin Windex Wipes for Wild Nights: A-Z'ing

I'm Martha Stewart, and I like to keep things neat and tidy. So I've created Martha Stewart's Wafer-thin Windex Wipes for Wild Nights. Use them prematurely, during, or immediately after an unsightly mess ensues from a rough and wild night of passionate sex (alone, in the company of a well-endowed blow-up doll, or with a paid escort). Gently dab the wipe onto the stain or penile head, and - viola! - the wet mess dries up immediately, and you're ready for your next house-guest. These wipes are conveniently wafer-thin, soft and delicate. You might think they're like other cleaning inventions. But these ones include a Martha Stewart label, and they're on sale at Macy's or Nymph I am for $300 per box.  Clean up your act and make the purchase. You'll be glad you did. Tootles!

34 comments:

  1. It's quieter than a wet-vac... I am thinking and it won't wake up those partners unless you want them out... Martha may want to clean house in a different way on a larger scale.

    Jeremy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's her goal, Jeremy - cleaning "house" on a verge large scale.

      Delete
  2. Martha's always so prepared.
    have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well at least she cleans up her own messes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah, she's just trying to sell a product, Pat. She has her servants clean it up.

      Delete
  4. You have the mind of an entrepreneur, haha :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A sick and troubled one at that. But if the dollars come in, who cares the reason? Right?!

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Yeah, her name on the box has to be worth a good...$03.

      Delete
  6. Now Mint-Flavored!
    I really don't know where I'm going with this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're going into Girl Scout Cookie terrain, Al. You sick bastard. J/K. ;-)

      Delete
  7. Too bad she can't use them to clean up her act...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too bad she doesn't stuff her mouth with them, too, so she can't talk any more.

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Yes, but they're also toxic and full of GMOs (and crabs). Oh my, sorry. I just wanted to be fully honest with you.

      Delete
  9. Can I use it on my other head, or do I have to buy a separate product for that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can use it on either head, one by one, or both heads at once. The best part? They're gluten free.

      Delete
  10. Sadly, this doesn't eliminate the wet spot in the middle of the bed. No one wants to sleep in the wet spot. And a wafer thin towelette isn't going to fix it. If I'm paying 300 hundred bucks I want something for that darn wet spot. Come on, Martha... I know you've got the solution. Give it up already!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Robin, thing is, Martha always has the wet spot in the middle of the mattress. She thinks it belongs there, so she didn't factor that into this equation.

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Oh Jeff, sorry that it took this post by Martha Stewart to explain why your wife has her own bedroom.

      Delete
  12. Are wafers thinner than napkins? And I like dirty Martha so much, you have made me such a fan, I am printing out your pictures and making a collage. Is that weird? Weirder than your month-long sojourn into sexy-Martha?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Pickelope Von Pickleope, wafers are thinner than napkins. Both wafers and napkins are thinner than tampons, though.

      Yes, it's weird, Pickleope Von Pickleope. Weird minds think alike. It's equal to this month-long sojourn. Hint: See Z. No, not yet. Wait until Thursday.

      Delete
  13. $300 sounds like a bargain if it's going to save my expensive sheets from icky stains.

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  14. I think my main concern is, how to salvage my favorite topping, during the clean stage. Do you know what I mean?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean the nuts, Dixie? The cherry? *slapping forehead* What is wrong with me?! I'm sick. I tell you. Sick, sick, sick.

      Delete
  15. I think I'll "invent" my own way to clean up messes rather than buy anything from her, let alone at $300. Crazy lady.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Do these have a money back guarantee? I feel sorry for the person in charge of returns.

    Julie

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  17. Only the finest, softest, organic materials - and did someone say chocolate flavored? No, no one did. Darn. Martha, you missed an opportunity. That would have been worth another $200 per box! Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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  18. Poor Windex... The company is probably humiliated by this!

    ReplyDelete
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