I'm Martha Stewart, and I like to keep things neat and tidy. So I've created Martha Stewart's
Wafer-thin Windex Wipes for Wild Nights. Use them prematurely, during, or immediately after an unsightly mess ensues from a rough and wild night of passionate sex (alone, in the company of a well-endowed blow-up doll, or with a paid escort). Gently dab the wipe onto the stain or penile head, and - viola! - the wet mess dries up immediately, and you're ready for your next house-guest. These wipes are conveniently wafer-thin, soft and delicate. You might think they're like other cleaning inventions. But these ones include a Martha Stewart label, and they're on sale at Macy's or Nymph I am for $300 per box. Clean up your act and make the purchase. You'll be glad you did. Tootles!
It's quieter than a wet-vac... I am thinking and it won't wake up those partners unless you want them out... Martha may want to clean house in a different way on a larger scale.
ReplyDeleteJeremy
That's her goal, Jeremy - cleaning "house" on a verge large scale.
DeleteMartha's always so prepared.
ReplyDeletehave a great week!
You too, Rosey.
DeleteWell at least she cleans up her own messes
ReplyDeleteNah, she's just trying to sell a product, Pat. She has her servants clean it up.
DeleteYou have the mind of an entrepreneur, haha :)
ReplyDeleteA sick and troubled one at that. But if the dollars come in, who cares the reason? Right?!
Delete$300 a box. Such a deal!
ReplyDeleteYeah, her name on the box has to be worth a good...$03.
DeleteNow Mint-Flavored!
ReplyDeleteI really don't know where I'm going with this.
I think you're going into Girl Scout Cookie terrain, Al. You sick bastard. J/K. ;-)
DeleteToo bad she can't use them to clean up her act...
ReplyDeleteToo bad she doesn't stuff her mouth with them, too, so she can't talk any more.
DeleteAre they FDA approved?
ReplyDeleteYes, but they're also toxic and full of GMOs (and crabs). Oh my, sorry. I just wanted to be fully honest with you.
DeleteCan I use it on my other head, or do I have to buy a separate product for that?
ReplyDeleteYou can use it on either head, one by one, or both heads at once. The best part? They're gluten free.
DeleteSadly, this doesn't eliminate the wet spot in the middle of the bed. No one wants to sleep in the wet spot. And a wafer thin towelette isn't going to fix it. If I'm paying 300 hundred bucks I want something for that darn wet spot. Come on, Martha... I know you've got the solution. Give it up already!
ReplyDeleteHaha. Robin, thing is, Martha always has the wet spot in the middle of the mattress. She thinks it belongs there, so she didn't factor that into this equation.
DeleteYou're supposed to clean that up?
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...
Bushman
2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
@jwb81074
Oh Jeff, sorry that it took this post by Martha Stewart to explain why your wife has her own bedroom.
DeleteAre wafers thinner than napkins? And I like dirty Martha so much, you have made me such a fan, I am printing out your pictures and making a collage. Is that weird? Weirder than your month-long sojourn into sexy-Martha?
ReplyDeleteYes, Pickelope Von Pickleope, wafers are thinner than napkins. Both wafers and napkins are thinner than tampons, though.
DeleteYes, it's weird, Pickleope Von Pickleope. Weird minds think alike. It's equal to this month-long sojourn. Hint: See Z. No, not yet. Wait until Thursday.
$300 sounds like a bargain if it's going to save my expensive sheets from icky stains.
ReplyDeleteYou really can't beat it...if you don't try.
DeleteI think my main concern is, how to salvage my favorite topping, during the clean stage. Do you know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteYou mean the nuts, Dixie? The cherry? *slapping forehead* What is wrong with me?! I'm sick. I tell you. Sick, sick, sick.
DeleteI think I'll "invent" my own way to clean up messes rather than buy anything from her, let alone at $300. Crazy lady.
ReplyDeleteDo these have a money back guarantee? I feel sorry for the person in charge of returns.
ReplyDeleteJulie
Only the finest, softest, organic materials - and did someone say chocolate flavored? No, no one did. Darn. Martha, you missed an opportunity. That would have been worth another $200 per box! Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletePoor Windex... The company is probably humiliated by this!
ReplyDelete