Martha Stewart's X-Rated Fantasy Kit: A-Z Challenge

I'm Martha Stewart, and I like to fantasize as much as the next over-sexed old *bleep* who hasn't gotten laid since the invention of the egg-beater. So I created Martha Stewart's X-Rated Fantasy Kit. This rather handy kit comes with  a dark and sultry mannequin with removable clothing and anatomically correct genitalia; a lit candle; and two voyeurs, because - really - who doesn't enjoy the thrill of exhibitionism? And now, if you'll excuse me...Martha shoves the mannequin onto the floor and pounces atop it/him. Jack Black jumps in to join the fun. Queen Elizabeth holds her "I'm so over Commoners" glare for several hours. We won't  go into any more detail. Let your fantasies take over from here.

Martha Stewart's Pretty Pastel Panties for Penile Preparation (and Perhaps Penetration): A-Z Challenge

I'm trying something a bit daring for the weekend. It's Martha Stewart's Pretty Pastel Panties and Bra for Penile Preparation (and perhaps penetration). Pastels are perfect for pleasant spring days, or a good *bleep*. You too can "prepare the penis" --if you know what I mean-- *wink* by wearing  the pretty pastel panties and bra by Martha Stewart for just $582 per perfect pair. Find it at Macy's, Walmart, or Nymph I Am. Have a pleasureable weekend. Tootles!