Usher: Free me! Let my people go!
Robyn: Wh-wait? Usher, you celebrate Passover? That's hot!
Usher: I don't know what you're talking about, ma'am. I jus was tryin' to get my suitcase back from Trump Towers.
Robyn: Oh, sorry, dude. I didn't think you'd mind doing the Ushdoo. And Trump asked for one of those "Brown people" so he looks like he's not racist. And you're a cute one.
Usher,
nodding: I know.
Trump: Look, Usher, I told you 11 years ago I'd take care of it. Didn't I? I'm kinda busy, in case you didn't notice. I'm a very busy man. I'm a very smart man too. And I'm rich. I have billions of dollars. I'm very, very rich. I like Blacks and coloreds and some of the Mexicans are my servants. The others, though, they ruin our country. The Mexican Muslims are terrorists. Let's make America hate again! I mean, let's make America great again! And why'd you leave your suitcase at the reception area of a hotel with $100,000 of stuff in it? Are you mentally impotent? I'm very smart. And rich. I'm really rich...
On-line article dated 04/18/2005 AT 09:00 AM EDT
ROBBED: Usher claims a suitcase
of his containing $100,000 worth of belongings was taken Friday from New
York's Trump International Hotel by someone posing as a member of his
posse, reports the New York Post, which also quotes
Donald Trump as promising to make good on the loss. "I told him we'll get it solved,"
The Apprentice
host said. Trump adds, referring to the missing article: "I'm trying to
figure out why somebody would leave a bag at the front desk."
Martha: Did someone say "escort"? Oh, that was "Usher." Never mind. But look at me, folks. Ignore those two. I can't stand it when other people get attention.
"I'm Martha Stewart, and let's face it, everyone wants a piece of me. So I created the
Umbrella Hair Collector.
It fits snuggly around my neck for around-the-clock usage. It's
waterproof, so there's no need to remove it before showering. The soft
neutral gray adds a splash of color to otherwise drab white outfits. I
shed, oh, about half a dozen times per day. By the end of one week, the
Umbrella Hair Collector has enough of my hair to provide the entire city
of New Haven with at least one follicle per person. Each follicle,
strand, or half of a split-end costs a mere $6.99. What's more, it's a
piece of me, Martha Stewart. What could be better? Well...
Martha blushes...besides, you know. Yeah, a well-endowed blow-up doll in my apple orchard with an egg-beater. *F*ck yeah!*"
In Poe's "Fall of the House Of Usher" the story closes with the house splitting in half and falling in a lake. Your excellent sequel shows the upper fraction of Usher submerging in the hair of Trump. Obviously, this is a misfortune of 2 centuries' incubation. I'd stand back. There should be traffic cones.
ReplyDeleteGeo, there's a whole awesome series here. We need to send this to Hollywood!
DeleteIf Trump had even half the style and swagger of Usher maybe he would be more likeable.
ReplyDeleteI know. Usher is a class act.
DeleteI wonder if Trump ever did make good on that promise...
ReplyDeleteI wonder too, Alex. From the looks of things, it hasn't been a priority.
DeleteWith Usher on his head, the Donald gets to play like the Voice as Prez. Swivel chair in the Oval.
ReplyDeleteHa. I like it, Joanne. Only nobody will want to be on that team now.
DeleteMaybe that's how he keeps money rolling in, pretending to be part of a posse and then swipes the riches, or he just swipes anyway.
ReplyDeleteOh, I didn't think of that, Pat. It's a good strategy - leave a suitcase with $100,000 of stuff in it unattended at Trump Towers and become more stinkin' rich. Repeat.
DeleteWith an egg beater? Is that legal?
ReplyDeleteHa. Only in the blue states, Diane.
DeleteYou've got Trump's speech patterns and cadence down to a, well, down to a T!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Deb. He's really rich. He's a billionaire. He has billions. And he's smart. ;)
DeleteAnd he has yuge hands.
DeleteI KNEW Usher wasn't Jewish.
ReplyDeleteHe don't look it.
Plus, Al, he can dance.
DeleteDid you know Trump has medium-sized hands? That's an important piece of information that can and should be used when posting about him. Sorry I wasn't here in time. Sorry I haven't been here for A toT, too, but there's just so many hours in this month.
ReplyDeleteCan I get a Ushdoo on Amazon?
While Usher is cute, even he can't draw attention away from Trump's scowling face.
ReplyDeleteLet me get this straight--Trump is rich? Who knew?
ReplyDeleteI think that hair umbrella thing would look good on Trump. I think he's overdue for a haircut.
ReplyDeleteHas he filed a law suit against you yet, Robyn? You're probably on the list :)
ReplyDeleteProbably, Martha. Good thing it's a long list. Come to think of it, I did get served yesterday. Then again, that was at a local eatery.
DeleteWhy does Usher have that much I. A suitcase and then leave it at the front desk like I leave my suitcase full of clothes that I bought at Giant Tiger?? Trump would never use Martha's hair collector since all he does when hE gets home, is stand at the mirror say "Off" and that piece just walks off his head and onto the nightstand.
ReplyDeleteNow that is a scary combination!
ReplyDelete