These Things I Know About the BDFH

1) BDFH (blind date from hell) is a redundant term.
2) I won’t have one ever again. I swear.
3) The next one I have will look like this. I swear. (Note: You’d swear too if you had to date this guy.)

4) He might offer to pick up the tab if I order tap water.
5) I like a slice of lemon with my water and will therefore bring a quarter.
6) While he boasts about his doting mother, I will fantasize about more pleasant activities (e.g., getting a root canal or styling Justin Bieber’s hair).
7) If and only if he looks like this, he will try to kiss me.
8) If and only if he looks like this and tries to kiss me, I will barf on his face.
9) Then, he will look the same.
10) I do the BDFH thing for entertainment purposes only.
11) Your entertainment, not mine.