Sunday, December 18, 2011

Top 10 Stupidest Personal Ads of 2011


As 2011 begins to end, the entire cast and crew of Life by Chocolate wishes to pay tribute to this year's TOP 10 STUPIDEST ATTEMPTS AT CYBER-LOVE. By unanimous vote, in reverse order, found on popular internet dating sites and unaltered by any of our staff members, here are this year's winners.
*****
 
10) I am a BANANA!!! 

That’s your headline? Alright, you fed me the line, so let’s see you split.

9) Hmmm.... I wear a lot of black. A LOT. But not because I'm weird, it's just my favorite color and it just so happens to go with everything I also wear dress socks, no matter what. Weird? Maybe. Fun? Yes.

8) I am ntelligent, attractive, available, romantic ,artistic.

7) Timing is everything almost, but with out it one is sure to let out surprising noises occasionally…Fog Horn Leg Horn is my friend but the Chicken Hawk is my hero. I feed my cat raw chicken legs and fish…I love bomb sniffing dogs and don’t believe in airport searches. Have I hypnotized you yet? Email me as soon as you finish reading (snap).

Sure thing. Excuse me while I go start reading War and Peace (Snap).

6) Im at a lost for words at the momonet.... 

5)  I hope to learn to read someday. I listen to whale sounds instead of music, you should hear them on drums! I like chocolate on my pants and someone to get it off.  

That’s one form of chocolate I’m not tempted by.

4) I see my self politically as a nonpartisan, until both of the the party start listing to what us the common man & women have say. In the United State Constitution! it say this country was found for the people & bye the people, and when two party that are running this country start listening to us the people will thing get better…Long may the flag that represents our frredom wave.

Run, Forrest! Run for office!

3) i am 50 yrs old but my profile says i am 39 yrs old.I made a mistake and its hard to make another account so i will just retain this account.

That’s a rather suspicious mistake, ‘ole man. If it’s weighing on your conscience, try the “Edit profile” function.

2) I am looking for a wonderfull woman to move into my room with me in my folks basement if all goes well she (you ) will take care of me and spend all your money on me rather then bills or anything else. after a while I will let my true colors shine through and let you use my crack pipe and take a sip off my 40 (room temp) momma don't let me put it in the ice chest / fridge. I know that gotcha going. just so you know I have my own place sort of it's me and my kids I would like to meet a nice girl that can also be a lady who can fit on the back of my motorcycle ....no it,s not a hog ITS A HONDA sabre vroom vroom.

I’d prefer smoking crack in the basement with your momma.

1)  I  am a full time father 50% of the time.

Math isn’t your strong suit, is it?

34 comments:

  1. Wouldn't some women find No.2 quite intriguing in a weird, vroom-vroom kind of way? Not a nice girl like you, obviously!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some of these are actually pretty hilarious such as the number one choice, I don't think most of these guys will be getting dates any time soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A lot of guys out there are doomed to remain single.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha these are soo bad it's funny. But you know, I shutter to think about the people who actually respond to these ads. They have to be pretty scary too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I remember some of those! Your celibacy series is the best, Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It a scary world out there in cyber dating land. Gald I fond meh a good ole gal alrady! Merry Christmas Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yup, those are pretty stupid. :P

    Thank you for coming by my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Damn girl, those are so frigging funny! I can't believe they are real. Goes to show ya, people are STUPID...(some people)

    Hope you are doing well...

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  9. All “winners.” But worse than these guys? On-line dating scammers who prey on vulnerable women. A friend of mine (yes, a friend, not me!) just wasted a month of her life before she caught on. Her tale of woe and your posts = beware!

    ReplyDelete
  10. MsA, oh no, I wish it weren't so.

    GB, if "intriguing" means freakin' weird, sure.

    Yeamie, LOL. Even though there are some strange women out there too, I tend to agree with you.

    Stephen, they really are. And they don't understand why.

    PatHatt, that's true. I wish I had the scoop on actual responses.

    Thanks Alex! I appreciate it.

    Merry Christmas, Chuck!

    TheGoldenEagle, my pleasure. Thanks for returning the visit.

    Lisa, yes they are. Love ya, hon.

    Beth, well, I'm glad she did catch on. Some people waste more than that. I heard about a newsreporter who traveled to the former Soviet Union to meet his bride-to-be. It was a hoax. Scary indeed.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  11. Now that was a sweet post. What you go through for love is admirable. You hold out for the right one because I know he's out there.

    ReplyDelete
  12. haha.
    Great post!! :)

    Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Number 10- I think he may be a Tosh.0 fan.
    Number 6- What's with the moment according to Monet thing?
    Numbers 5,4, & 2- I am pretty sure you just made up.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I personally would have loved to see the married man with the threesome request here...but was it 2010 or 2011....I remember most of these....
    many a laugh at their expense...what about the guy who had a Ecstasy dream waxing eloquent about wine and some women with flowers?

    ReplyDelete
  15. hahaha!!

    pretty hilarious!
    thanks for the good laugh.

    wishing a great week ahead!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  16. oh my, what a lovely lot that there is to choose from!

    ReplyDelete
  17. OMG, these are hilarious! You gotta wonder what goes on in their minds.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Rek, I should've consulted you first. Great memory. The polly guy didn't make the final cut. I don't know, I guess I couldn't stomach viewing his ad again. And the one who thinks he's a talented romance writer - his ad is longer than War and Peace. I just couldn't bring him back either. You're awesome, though. Thanks.

    CQG, so glad to have on board. Thanks! Yeah, I tend to wonder how many brain cells have been destroyed by illegal substances, but they had to be at least somewhat weird at birth. Right?

    Terra, yes, quite lovely. =)

    Betty, so glad. A wonderful week to you too.

    Ruth, I just love your "moment according to Monet." He must be into Impressionistic art.

    Margo, anytime. Thanks.

    Cal, I don't know about that but you're always good for a dose of sweetness.

    Be well, all, and have a good week.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't know if I've EVER been happier to be married. Thank you, my Robyn, thank you.
    Have a great week, my dear. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Lol!! Oh, hilarious. I'm glad you have good sense, Robyn. Truly.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I personally think he's kidding himself.
    That's not CHOCOLATE on his pants.
    Someone may want to take a whiff.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Chocolate on the pants, bananas, crack pipe! Yikes!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh my goodness - - - say it ISN'T so!!

    If I were single, I'd get RIGHT ON THAT BASEMENT WITH MOMMA thing.





    NOT.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Haaaaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    Love ya!

    J

    ReplyDelete
  25. Even though I wear BALCK dress socks 50% of the time while eating a Banana. I still find the time to listen to whale sounds while smearing chocolate on my crotch. And it is for this reason i am nonpartisan and at a loss for words. But have no fear I can always smoke some crack as it makes me feel like im 39 again.

    OK im done i hope this didn't make me sound ntelligent.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You forgot the overused:

    “I’m not looking for just sex.” (Yeah right, and I’m not looking for what is just in your wallet.)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Whoa, this makes me appreciate the hubs despite his ability to infuriate me in just seconds. I'm thinking if I'm ever single again, I'm investing in a pet.

    ReplyDelete
  28. LOL LOL!! I laughed harder with each one I read. I'm wondering what is fun about wearing dress socks. It does sound like a party, no doubt. I also never would have believed that someone would actually write "Fog Horn Leg Horn is my friend" on a profile LOL.

    Happy holidays to you, Robyn! :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dawn and Julie, give the ole man (your hubs, that is) a big hug for me. Actually, I'm thinking he owes me a big hug - assuming he'll be getting something extra special for Xmas this year. Cheers!

    BabySis, thank you. It's not easy.

    Al, EWWW. I'll just move onto the next commenter.

    Johanna, yes, it's quite the assorted nut mix.

    Keetha, LOL. He's the pick of the litter. Er, his momma is.

    John, love you bunches. xoxo

    Jerzey, your comment is award worthy. Very creative. Kudos to you. PS Um, you were trying for humor not honesty, right?

    Lost, very good. At my age, though, men who "aren't just looking for sex" have some, um, challenges in the bedroom. So my friends tell me. Wink.

    Julie, you have me laughing out loud now. I wonder if Fog Horn ever wears dress socks. Oy, the weirdness.

    Keep laughing, my friends.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  30. Guys like taht make me fill very sarmt!

    ReplyDelete
  31. That's brilliant.. lol.. the sad thing is many of these guys have bred.. or perhaps, looking to breed.. with whale sounds.. Foghorn, and chocolate.. ewwwww..

    I'm traumatized.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. What if you put all of these "men" in a room together and monitored their brain waves as part of a reality TV show? You would be the perfect host dressed in a lab coat interviewing them outside their cage! Sorry I missed this earlier! Julie

    ReplyDelete