Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Impatient Monologue: Insecure Writer's Support Group

Because writers might on occasion contend with insecurities, Alex J. Cavanaugh  founded an Insecure Writer's Support Group for bloggers. We’re posting monthly, exposing our insecurities and/or offering support. This is our fourth "meeting." Please visit Alex's blog to learn what others are grappling with. You may find you're not alone and may also glean precious words of wisdom. My post, on the other hand, is a rather strange monologue that I hope you'll forgive. 
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I’m sweating grenades here, as I stare at my watch. My blood pressure’s soaring and the walls are closing in on me. How is it that this stale and stuffy group therapy room gets smaller every month, and where the *bleep* are the brownies?

I knew I’d need a crutch in addition to chocolate, so I invited a guest.  Alex, I hope you don’t mind. He doesn’t fit in with my insecurities. In fact, he’s the opposite.  But I desperately need him. Looking at my watch:  He’s already 10 seconds late. That’s it. He’s dissing me.  I can’t wait any longer! I start pacing, pulling out my hair, tossing off my shoes and socks and chomping my toe nails. You did bring the chocolate, right? Okay, I'll try to wait. I’ll give him 6 seconds, but only because they say he’s really, really good. And I’ve realized just how much I crave him lately. See, I’m working on something very big and extremely long. I’m stretching my skills, pushing my comfort zones, and I need him to get me to the climax of my efforts, or even just into some juicy foreword. Instead, I keep defaulting to my less helpful but highly satisfying patterns of soliciting instant gratification. I do little jobs, receive praise, and it's good for me. You know? After years of doing it that way, it’s a pretty organic process.  

On the other hand, this guy I invited never looked attractive. I haven’t felt inclined to take him in, much less keep him around for any real length of time. All my *bleepin* insecurities get in the way of that.  “I Don’t Know What The Hell I’m Doing,” in particular, loathes the dude and won’t even be in the same room with him. Yet “I Don’t Know...” has always been there. We're pretty tight. I'd be lost without him. So it’s been hard, really hard to switch gears.

Then again, I’m unsure what it’d feel like to actually have him. Blushing:  I’m a virgin to him. But this group is all about getting things out in the open, right? So you don’t mind if I have him in this room, do you? It’s purely experimental and could be interesting to watch. I promise we won’t make that much noise.  And did I mention how much I need him? Now where is Patience? I can’t stand waiting for him!

33 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Is he the muse, inspiration, the villain with the great climax ...better still the agent or best publisher...
    Don't worry he will turn up, must have taken a detour or is intimidated by a classy lady with flaming hair...call him over :)

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  3. He always escaped me, too! Good luck with him.

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  4. Very interesting post for our group meeting this time. I can feel all those emotions just pouring from my computer screen. And how well I know them. I get this way when I'm trying to write a really big scene and nothing is happening, but then I read someone else and their writing is awesome!! Then I return to my work and feel anxious, like whatever is going to come out from keyboard is just going to suck. Do I ever need the chocolate, then, along with a tequila chaser. Hope this make some reasonable semblance of coherency.

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  5. I agree with Melissa and I love her comment because she said it so very well.

    Great post...

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  6. It sounds as if Alex could put a lot of shrinks out of business!

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  7. This was very creative, and not "strange" at all! I especially loved your surprise ending! Please send "Patience" over here stat!

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  8. You're such an excellent writer Robyn. Great post as usual, I love it.

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  9. Magnet on my fridge:

    Lord grant me patience
    And I want it NOW!


    Hope he shows up!

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  10. Rek, you're sweet. I'm not sure who he's spending time with nowadays but I'm jealous.

    MsA, thanks.

    Melissa, I appreciate it. You said it very well, better than I. In fact I need a chaser with my chocolate.

    MJ, I agree about Mel. She's beautifully and humorously articulate. Thanks for coming by. It's great to "meet" you.

    GB, if Alex can't, no one can.

    Empty, whenever I'm done with him. But I have to find him first. Still waiting!

    Yeamie, you're so nice. Thanks much, my friend.

    Beth, please send that magnet over NOW.

    xoRobyn

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  11. haha patience is a virtue, sometimes it just does not want to ensue..haha

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  12. another beautifully written post, dear robyn!

    the best of luck with him.

    xoxo

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  13. Loved the ending! Patience is indeed hard to find, but satisfying once you do. Good luck!

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  14. Patience? Nope, can't say I've evr met him. He's a fantasy character, right?

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  15. chomping on toenails? EEEKKK! blech.

    Patience escapes me every time.

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  16. Oh, that was clever! Little slow on the uptake - didn't catch he was Patience until I read it.

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  17. Sorry, me again...it was meant to be "with the muse, etc"...changed the entire slant, glad you got it though....that's what happens when u haven't had a good night's sleep. :)

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  18. From a fellow impatient writer, I feel your pain!!

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  19. Yes, patience is elusive! But chocolate as bait will usually do the trick!

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  20. Honey, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. With my daughter moving across the country at the end of the month, things have been a little crazy. Hope you are doing well. xoxox

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  21. Another great story. You truly have a talent for the art.

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  22. Nice to meet you Robyn.


    I just had a whole chocolate bar with a mouthful of small and flufy marshmallows. Perfect combination!

    I agree with Gorilla Bananas
    "It sounds as if Alex could put a lot of shrinks out of business!"

    Love is all you need to get by-


    All the best to you over the holiday season!

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  23. Ah, yes, Patience... late for everything ;)

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  24. Thanks for the wonderful humor. Man did I need that this afternoon. My Christmas wreath fell off the door two minutes after I hung it. My kitchen sink plugged up and I have guests tonight! Eeek! I'm late with all kinds of deadlines. So . . . really loved your post.

    Thanks for checking in at the Write Game. I look forward to connecting with you on this Insecure tour!

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  25. Good one Robyn! You are so funny! I've had some of my best times, worst times and funniest times in group therapy...

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  26. An interesting mystery . .

    .......dhole

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  27. So creative. I love the way you have write about all your, um, neuroses? lol.
    I am very proud of you for working on something that challenges you. I need to do that. Really, I do.
    Have a great weekend, my friend!!

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  28. Great post! Patience is a strange fellow sometimes. I liked the ending.

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  29. Wow, I never see you as that insecure woman you describe. You seem so confident and self assured....

    The men don't stand a chance, you are just tooooo fabulous!

    Lisa

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  30. Ah the joys of writing.. lol

    I was hoping you were talking about something else when you said..

    "I’m working on something very big and extremely long."

    ;)

    Keep it up girl (to keep with the analogy).. reward yourself everyday with having written.. you'll get there.. acknowledge that other voice.. just don't let it (him/her) take over..

    xo

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  31. Ahh yes. This fits me 100%. I usually can't keep a hold of him. I wish you luck!!

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  32. PHENOMENAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    J

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