Tuesday, June 21, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #109-115: Dress Socks, Quotation Marks and Utter Weirdness

Taken directly from current on-line dating ads, my reasons for celibacy continue to 115. The ads are bolded and my comments, italicized. I hope you enjoy because somebody’s got to.
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REASON #109: Hmmm.... I wear a lot of black. A LOT. But not because I'm weird, it's just my favorite color and it just so happens to go with everything. Ain’t that a coincidence so remarkable it’s an amazing way to start your ad!? I also wear dress socks, no matter what. Weird? Maybe. Fun? Yes. Weird? Yes. A LOT. Fun? Dress socks? Not my idea of a good time but go wild (by yourself)! Knock those socks off!

REASON #110: I'm seeking a female that is comfortable in her own skin...someone that has experienced life, enjoyed the good times and learned from the not so good times...someone that earns her own keep and isn't looking for a relationship to pay her obligations...someone that is trusting and appreciative...I guess I'm seeking a genuine, honest perwson. Um, I haven’t seen one of those around. Did you try Walmart?  

REASON #111:  I am a BANANA!!! That’s your headline? Alright, you fed me the line, so let’s see you split.

REASON #112: I am somewhat of an artist, in that I make custome furniture,rustic and western style, and I also remodel homes. It keeps me busy, and trav3elling. It also makes it difficult to form a good relationship. You'll have to be patient, but trust me, it will be worth it.Some might see me as arrogant or "coc ky". Which syllable gets the emphasis in “coc ky”?Note: that’s a rhetorical “quest shun”!  I prefer to describe myself as "exuding confidence". I prefer to call you “coc ky”! But then it's my opinion that often, we support or highlight the good in us, I don't think we would get very far by broadcasting our downfalls all we can do, is hope they are tollerable, You charge a toll for your downfalls? You must be one rich coc ky “bas tard” with emphasis on the second syllable.

REASON #113: Here, because I'm not all there :) You’re not all here either, darlin’.

REASON #114: I am a full time father 50% of the time. You weren’t a statistics major, were you?... I am very open minded, do not like conflict, drama or superficiality. I am not into status simbles. Like the kind Moroccan belly dancers use? I like simple things and quality time. I suppose I can scale down to a basic tambourine like Tracy on the Partridge family. I am very family oriented. I would like to meet someone who too is laid back, sincere, open minded, and funny. I am not on a "mission" to get "re-married" right away.

REASON #115: I know at my age and those I meet at or near my age, there will be some drama. But I do not want "drama". Tell me, how exactly does drama differ from “drama”? And why did #114 put quotation marks around “mission” and “re-married”? Were you in the same English “class”?

30 comments:

  1. Reason #110..."...comfortable in her own skin."
    Who wrote that? Hannibal Lecter?
    Hello, Clarice......

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  2. #115 has a touch of mystery about him. Those "dramas" he doesn't want must be a special kind of drama. Perhaps the kind where his knees knock together like Shaggy in Scooby Do.

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  3. You had the best remarks for #112! You're so punny.

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  4. Al, LOL. Probably.

    GB, that's the kind of explanation I needed. Thanks.

    Shan, that one's my favorite too. He gave me the most "fod der".

    xoRobyn

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  5. Those are always great! Especially the statistics major.

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  6. For some reason, your updated posts are not transferring to my blog roll. Sorry.

    I am a full time father too. When I feel like it. Which is often to never. More towards never. Except when I need to impress women.

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  7. That banana one has got me really interested. What kind of a guy/geek/character would introduce themselves like that? Aren't you just the teeny weeniest bit curious... no I can see that wouldn't be a good move.

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  8. Now I feel lucky to be married. lol. Banana split - lol. :)

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  9. So, that first guy is telling us he wears black dress socks with his flip-flops? Hubba hubba!

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  10. What can I say...the banana guy was probably a pervert, warning you in advance.
    #113 reminds of the invisible man...
    #mr coc ky has an on going love affair with empty spaces.
    absolutely funny ones...sorry my creative juices can't come up with any smart ass comments.

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  11. "A full time father, 50% of the time." Hmmm, I might have used that one once...

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  12. chuckle ... full time father 50% of the time, lol. Euwww - do yo really like Phil Collins?

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  13. Holy splat - I'm splittin' my sides at emphasis on the "tard"!!!!!!

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  14. Oh my gosh, this is so funny. I think #112 is my favorite. Also the full-time father 50% of the time. Thanks for the laughs! :D

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  15. I don't know how is missed this post. I look forward to these. K...I was going to write something but got distracted by Gorilla's comment. I got a visual. Hilarious!

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  16. Oh my goodness this is hilarious!!! Who is a full time dad 50% of the time? Silly. Thanks for making me crack up!

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  17. Alex, thanks. He might need some math tutoring, huh?

    Cheeseboy, sorry. I don't know how to fix the feed problem. I'm hoping it'll magically resolve itself.I'm glad you are sometimes a full-time dad, if only to impress the ladies.

    Rosalind, lol. Yeah, I read the full ad to try to understand the banana thing. It didn't help. Seems he's just really weird.

    Sheila, and that you should.

    Thanks Marlene, I somehow knew you'd like that one (cuz I do too).

    Margaret and Rek, thank YOU for the laughs.

    David, yeah, I do. But just because of one song (Another Day in Paradise).

    Pat, is that the new math?

    Marnie, Gorilla's always good for those visuals.

    Julie and Tamara, my pleasure.

    Thanks, all. Keep smiling.
    xoRobyn

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  18. Based on the number of spelling mistakes alone, I would be very nervous about meeting all of these
    guys. I liked your response to the Banana, and for the record most men would prefer a drama free relationship. Good luck finding that! Julie

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  19. Okay, you got the weirdo factor down! Those ads even make the optimistic person in me cringe....

    I usually like a good banana...

    Girl, get away from those ads...

    There are adorable men out there, I promise...I found one and so can YOU!

    Love ya sweet sista!

    Lisa

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  20. i'm laughing at al penwasser's comment. haha!

    and robyn you always crack me up!those are great! hilarious!

    hugs,
    have a great weekend!
    betty

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  21. Gah!! These are making me want to be celibate too. Lol.

    Hilarious post! I love it.

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  22. haha I love your smart comments to these extremely quirky ads. Quest-shun, English "class," you are hilarious! http://thearcenciel.blogspot.com/

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  23. Who are these people, and just why are they writing to you?? If you are looking for a room-mate, move out to Tucson into our spare room. We can have loads of fun with no strings attached!
    xoxo

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  24. EmptyNest/Julie, yeah, I don't blame a guy for looking for low drama. I do blame him for seeking no drama or, worse yet, no "drama".

    Lisa, thanks sista. I think I need to take a trip to your paradise.

    Betty, Al is hilarious. Thanks. Hugs to you.

    Jennifer, lol. Your b/f would kill me.

    Dahl, thanks for the visit and comment.

    Judie, that WOULD be so much fun. How far are you from the Jewish doctor (the one who's in jail for murder)?

    xoRobyn

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  25. Robyn, this was all kinds of hilarious and awesome! I love how you word played it, and you are so clever!

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  26. Hey, Robyn... I changed from public to private and back again and now your current posts are showing on my dashboard!

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  27. Thanks so much, Sandra!

    MsA, that's really good to know. Thanks for your help.

    xoRobyn

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  28. " I suppose I can scale down to a basic tambourine like Tracy on the Partridge family"

    This was HILARIOUS!!!!!!! all I keep seeing in my head is that kid hitting the tamborine NEVER NEVER EVER on the BEAT!
    great post Blessings, Joanne

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  29. Oh how I have missed these. :) Your response to number 111 was classic!!

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  30. haha ahaha
    The last two were hilarious. Youre comebacks are gold. Don't these guys read over what they've written? And the scariest thing is that theyve married before... AND bred! Jesus!

    :)

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