And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Friday Follow and Random Randomness

friday-follow


Dear friends,

As I was perusing craigslist (sorry for using the "c" word in mixed company), I noted a listing of the best of its random ads. In my estimation, the following two are the best of the best. Or would they be the worst? I suppose, if you are dyslexic and/or standing on your head, they would still be randomly random.

I swear with every ounce of my little honest being that I did not make any of this up. Enjoy the read, and happy Friday!

SEEKING BODYGUARD NAMED BETTY
I am a Paul Simon fan in my mid thirties. As my name is Al, for the past 20 years I've been searching for a friend named Betty with whom I could sing the Paul Simon song "You Can Call Me Al." Imagine how much fun we could have singing along with the lyrics and pointing at each other when our names are mentioned! We could sing it together on road trips with the windows down, at home with our stereos cracked loud, we can smile at each other knowingly when it's played in gas stations and grocery stores and text each other when we're apart and it comes on the radio. I'm especially looking forward to acting out our own version of the classic Paul Simon Chevy Chase music video. We can post it on Youtube! Just to be clear, I'm not really looking for a bodyguard (that's a lyric from the song haha!) just a friend named Betty. If you want we could maybe sing other Paul Simon songs at some point but I'd really rather we stick with our namesakes You Can Call Me Al. Of course I want proof your name is really Betty so when we meet I'll need to see a state issued photo ID with that name. I'll also accept Elizabeth, Roberta (<--Dang! I was so close to scoring this gig!) or Beatrix. Please write back soon I can't wait to hang out Sincerely -Your long lost pal!!! BossyBetty or BettyM., please do keep us posted on this one. I can't wait to see the vlog! Note: This blogger neither endorses nor condemns this opportunity. She just thinks it's freakin funny and randomly random.

BEAT IT WITH A REAL JO-BRO -
I'm a serious bro looking for a equally/more serious bro with fancy footwork. The idea is to tie our wrists together ala the "Beat It" video and then each JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness. I would have done this way sooner but have little faith in humanity. Requirements: -access to an abandoned warehouse (Dang, I was soo close again - minus the warehouse and sex change) -old enough/built kinda awesome -maintains good eye contact -general intensity -cool moves -shades -leather jackets ( I had to give the one in the pic back - long story, I can tell you when we finish) -Bedazzler -basic knowledge of knife/sword/bat fight etiquette (I can teach you what I know if you are pretty serious about art like me) -can lift 80 lbs -bachelor's in something or equivalent experience -not a narc Whereas dudes/J-ing O are both undeniably awesome, I'm a straight bro. As in not gay. I just really love MJ and being open minded about new JO scenarios. We will basically play "Beat It" over and over again while we JO and dance, occasionally parrying/thrusting. Winner finishes the most times, but points will be awarded for finishing first/accuracy. If you're the heter-bro I'm looking for, then we can JO furiously/competitively and then just hang or whatever. I've got laser tag too. I'm pretty serious about this. As in completely serious. If you touch my junk with anything but your own I will BF you in the M. Nerds/gays need not apply. I'M NOT GAY. P.S. - And I've gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now. "They told him don't you ever come around here Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear So beat it, just beat it" Note: In case he did not emphasize this enough, this dude is - in fact - not gay. Note #2: This blogger can not wholeheartedly recommend that you (or any earthly being, including but not limited to fungi and parasites) offer to engage in parrying or thrusting with JoBro.

29 comments:

  1. So happy to be #1!

    Yeah right he's not gay. And Roberta?! Why Roberta?

    Unbelievable.

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  2. I am your newest follower!

    Beki
    mymodernguide.blogspot.com

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  3. "JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness."

    Wow. I think that's probably the best phrase that has ever been on Craigslist! But will he find what he's looking for? Ah, such suspense. Thanks for the laughs. With postings like these, I wonder how often the people are genuine weirdoes and how many are just being silly to try to get funny responses.

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  4. Now, I have to go and check out the craigs list ads!!

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  5. Hilarious, Robyn! The first ad made me feel a bit sad that Betty was only my middle name. Denied again! Thank goodness for my friend Jerry. The second ad set the bar to an all new high in utter creepiness! Seriously, Beat it? I think a better JO song to dance to would be Come Together...but that's just me.

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  6. Is it acceptable, without falling into a pit of Abercrombie and Fitch macho-ism, to refer to women as 'Bettys' if I have a 1940s haircut and I have a penchant for nice ties?

    Technolust

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  7. Happy Friday to you too.
    The stuff you see on CL... ;-)

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  8. Oh man...people...they are like a box of chocolates...laughing

    I am glad you didn't find mine about finding someone in a realistic bear costume that would be willing to chase me around and act like he was gonna eat me like corn so I can get over my greatest fear and go camping again.

    "Sex Furries" need not apply..I was very clear about that!!

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  9. ...wt_?
    I thought I had too much free time.

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  10. Oh my! I will never view that song or the name Betty the same way ever again. Oh I really wish they did some sort of follow up, you know when Al and Betty meet post a pic...I now have to see what the Betty who answered Al's ad looks like!!!

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  11. You have got to be kidding. Unbelievable. I now feel it is my public duty to notify anyone I know by the name of Betty (Elizabeth, Roberta, or Beatrix) to run screaming from that ad! :S

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  12. The second one is pretending to be gay to make himself more attractive to women.

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  13. Seriously?

    I'm going to write Al a letter.
    Betty used to be my nickname (something to do with a song by Tom Jones).
    Hmmm... but how am I going to prove my name is really Betty?
    I'll find a way.

    There's no way I'm going to miss out on all the fun.

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  14. OH! OH!! OH! I am so ON this!! Thank you for bringing this my attention! This is my big chance!

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  15. Stopping by from Friday-Follow to thank you for participating.
    Have a great weekend!
    http://harrietandfriends.com/2010/07/can-you-tap-a-500-word-text-in-6-seconds/

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  16. The world is like a fruit cake... its not complete without a few nuts.

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  17. These are great. Thanks for the laughs and have a great weekend.

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  18. Re- The first ad... It is something how people have a name, notice that this name comes up A LOT in a certain song, and then attach themselves to that song. I wonder if this guy has the Paul Simon song on his answering machine?:)

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  19. LOL. These are hilarious. I wonder what they were thinking. Will be looking forward to Al on Youtube... hehe
    Have a great day Robyn!

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  20. I have to confess, both these entries are from me on Craigslist. I never thought they would be found by you.

    Betty and I are happily married and we knife fight every friday night to beat it.

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  21. I reckon it would be interesting to see how they'd even conceive a remake of 'Cobra Woman'. However, I reckon that Angelina Jolie, or any other actress with a snarling pout, would do a good job.

    Thanks for following!

    Technolust

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  22. OMG! Are these serious? What the hell? I'm not sure which one disturbs me more... the latent homosexual (NOT GAY!)wanting to thrust with another dude.. or the Betty fetishist.. the world is a scary place...

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  23. CB, you are #1, naturally. Thanks. xo

    BH, thank you! Looking forward to following your blog too. :0)

    LH, it does make me wonder about the same things. xo

    Ninja, scary stuff, but you are a warrior.(-:

    ADSL, that's what I'm here for. xo

    Tgo, maybe Jerry can talk him into Come Together instead. I think he's pretty stuck on Beat It, though. Keep us posted. ;->

    Techno, I've gotta say "No." I'm honest like that. xo

    John, happy weekend. [-:

    TIS, you didn't get my response? I would've responded sooner if I knew it was yours. xo

    Marlene, yes.scary.stuff.out.there. ;-]

    IT, 'tis hard to believe. The world is such a scary place. xo

    Marnie, I know. I know. Love your new pic, bts. (0:

    SirT, you sum it up perfectly. xo

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  24. RoMag, yes. It's especially important to notify those Beatrix's. They're harder to find. xo

    GB, likely true. ;0}

    DDG, maybe BB can lend you her ID once she finishes the first round. Not that I want to start a competition, but think of all the new fans you could attract - both of you. We're anxiously awaiting these vlogs or top 10 singles. ?! xo

    Harriet, thanks for making the effort to stop by. Happy weekend. ;-b

    MMH, true. Plus, no one really likes the taste. They just pretend to. xo

    Sarah, you too. Enjoy! (-:

    Bert, thanks for dropping by. I used to like that song, until I saw this ad. xo

    Mr.S., thank you. You too. ;o}

    PTM, I suspected as much. xo

    Techno, sure thing. [o:

    Anthony, very true. I think the firs guy was joking but the second one who's definitely "not gay" seemed pretty darn serious. Scary. xo

    Happy weekend, all!
    Chocolate kisses,
    Robyn

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  25. Love a good random post....Have a few hours to blog hop....Love nights like this.......Hope you will stop by....new giveaway on my holiday blog...A BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA!
    http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com/

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  26. Hi I am your newest follower from Friday Follow!

    Hope you have a great week.

    Kari @ http://shining2save.blogspot.com

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