Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Drawer to Drawer Revelations, Part I (for mature audiences only)

Oops, the call for mature audiences only might have sent some folks away. Sorry. I probably blew it. I'm just shooting for more comments than when I initially posted this in 6/09. Back then, I ALMOST got 1 comment. It was truly exhiliarating. Then, I opted to work on another piece instead of commenting on my own post. Oh well. Happy reading (and - hint,hint: commenting)!

The flimsy azure blue carton container is aged at the corners; crumbled from having been squished into the drawer beneath the under-wires of various shades and designs; the cotton panties, some flowered, some plain; and funky leopard spotted attempts, perhaps, at sexy lingerie.

The box resided beneath a reliable, battery operated, slick and thin, friend - the friend to the woman who dared make the purchase. She slipped it into the basket beneath a more pristine item, body lotion. That’s it, a large container of lavender body lotion. She didn’t need it, but she had to take at least one other item to the cashier. As far as innocent yet appealing, commonplace yet feminine possessions go, lavender body lotion tops the charts. A quick take to the left and to the right, and there was definitely no one around in close proximity. She checked out as quickly as possible, gripping the bag tightly, strolling ever so gracefully and nervously to her car.

Back to the box: in spite of its age, the bold, white font informs all that’s relevant: Distributed by Church & Dwight; Inc. Princeton, New Jersey, 08542. Made in USA. America’s #1 Choice, Trusted for over 80 years. This begs the question: was it produced 90 years ago but simply not trusted? Wherein lay the root of such trust issues? Be it the consumer or the product? As a clinician, I can’t help but push further: Was therapy sought for these trust issues? Sorry. Back to the matter at hand: what’s in her drawers. As I was saying, or attempting to articulate with prime elegance, a woman’s dresser drawers convey her wants and needs, pleasures and repulsions. Her drawers reveal it all.

Take the married woman. She got rid of her friend before shacking up with the dude, I mean the loving, doting husband. God, she misses her friend. Deep within her drawers can be found dust-laced lingerie from the honeymoon, untouched since. Atop this are worn white cotton panties, knee high blue striped sports socks, and a copy of Dr. Phil’s Finding the Love You Want, Fixing the One You Have.

Next: the single woman. She’s grateful the cartons’ expiration dates are so far into the future. She buys them with hope and promise, courage and confidence. You never know, she fathoms with a smile. She’s prepared. As far as the garments, she’s got so many cute and sexy options. She will have use for each and every one. The next date will be attractive, virile, and worthy. She persists with pep and optimism, at times slipping silently into exhaustion and despair - date after date, year after year.

Suppose, I don’t know, just for fun, the two women duke it out. - To be continued..

23 comments:

  1. How long do I have to wait for part two? I have an idea where this is going.... :)

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  2. I'll post the rest tomorrow eve, babygirl. Thanks for reading and commenting! Woohoo!
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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  3. Yeah, I have an idea of where this is going too!
    It makes me wonder if these things really happen in real life!

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  4. I'm going to have check out Dr. Phil’s Finding the Love You Want, Fixing the One You Have to see where this is going.

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  5. Wow, unused lingerie and battery operated friends... I'm down for part two.

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  6. Oh no, I'm afraid I've got you all worked up for nothing. I think I need to re-write the ending, else you'll be disappointed!
    xoRobyn

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  7. I fully support a woman's right to stimulate her cha-cha with a gadget. If every girl were given one on her 16th birthday it would take the shame out of it.

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  8. Very interesting. Can't wait to see if there is a plot twist.

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  9. I detect some sexual innuendos here. Sounds kinda dirty but with a hint of clean. I am on the edge of my seat on how the story will unfold next. I'm guessing she used to play miniature softball and her tiny bat is in her drawer.

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  10. The contents of one’s drawers reveals one’s hopes, dreams and fantasies – and a whole lot of reality!
    Looking forward to the next installment…

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  11. this reminds me of something..but I cant quite put my finger on it...you've piqued my interest..Wooo hooo..!

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  12. Aaack. It ended too soon!! You know I'll be back for part two!

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  13. I have a huge debt to Victoria's Secret and a ridiculous collection of sexy underwear. They go unworn, for the most part, as I favor the few baggy cotton ones I own and wear them almost exclusively.

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  14. still wondering what's in that box. and time to clean out my drawer i guess.

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  15. Ok, you have my interest. Can't wait for part 2!

    Lydia

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  16. I was going to ask when part 2 was going to be posted, but I just that it's coming up tomorrow!!:P

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  17. Where's part two? I thought you said today? I'm waiting to hear more about lingerie and vibration!

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  18. It's coming! It's coming! (No sexual innuendo intended by that.) Give me a couple of hours to get home and post it.
    xoRobyn

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  19. The single girl's thoughts about whether the next "virile" guys is worthy of her "unmentionables" reminds me of Seinfeld's Elaine and whether or not the next guy will be "sponge worthy".

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  20. True, CalGirl. I loved that episode!
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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