*Isn't he cute?
"Do you know who won the Superbowl?" I asked.
Perfect response. (And Yay, Seahawks! I mean, oops. So close.)
I sporadically add to our discourse the fact that Valentine's is coming up.
"When is Valentine's Day?" he asks, whenever I've slipped it into the conversation.
Seems I've some work to do. There's always work to do. [I still hate Valentine's but George need not know this.]
Alas, on with the show...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #318: Was up
What? It down now? ’Cuz was up, down,
unless still up, in which case it wasn’t up, it started up and stay up.
REASON #319: Honesty is it
really that hard????
Honestly,
sweetie, it’s usually not hard enough. I mean, not in my current situation,
mind you, it’s plenty hard. But typically it’s limp and flaccid and not hard at
all.
REASON #320: Past and present
are bondage. Life is only now.
Bondage? I think
you’re on the wrong site, babe. Try craigslist.
REASON #321: if you have
questions message me
I do have
questions:
Is there a finish
line to the book writing/editing/publishing process?
Can chocolate be
found on other planets?
Does Donald Trump’s
hair have its own time-zone?
REASON #322: I'm me that's all I can be don't try
and change me if u meet me like me now don't attempt to change me later or I'll
put my foot in it ass I prefer not to see you do that with
your foot, babe, so yeah, don’t ever change. Stay kool 4ever. Have a fun summer and K.I.T.
REASON #323: Any institutions or
individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or
projects.......YOU DO NOT........Have my permission to use any of my profiles
or pictures in form or forums both current and future. If you have or do, this
will be considered a Violation of my privacy. And legal action may be taken.
Um, oops. Cool, here’s a loophole, “in
form or forums both current and future.” I already did it. It’s in the past.
Phew!
REASON #324: i I love to have
fun.generous,kind,funny,sharp,greatful,and romantic.PLEASE IF U ARE A PERMISCUOUSE PERSON JUST BE
URSELF AND SAY SO.I MEEN
EVERYTHING COMES OUT IN THE WASH"even if u gotta use oxyclean"!Im not judgmental at
all.but I hate being lied to.I DONT WANNA THINK UR MISS CLEAVER AND HAPPEN TO
BE A PALISTINIAN HOOKER FROM THE GAAZA STRIP CLUB AFTER THE FACT.just come as u
are as u were as I want you to be.(like Nirvana)I'm a cool guy and very mature so I don't
usually date people under 45.just be urself because u can't always play someone
else.including ME.this isn't Hollywood and I'm not stupid.
I’m at a loss. I
meen, “Tide works just fine!”
Have a good week, and Happy February, my sillies!
If he doesn't know who won the Super Bowl and he doesn't know when Valentine's Day is, that's reason enough. Just saying...
ReplyDeleteFor most women, yeah, plenty of reason, MJ. But I actually thought the Seahawks won. That's how invested I was. And V-Day...we'll see if I get chocolate and how much. Smiles.
DeleteI can honestly say I've never been permiscuous... whatever that might be.
ReplyDeleteIt's early morning in my daily schedule since the Great Scot works nights. Can I eat chocolate anyway?
Of courses, Jacqueline. The earlier it is, the more you must eat.
DeleteAnd I wonder if permiscuous is a fruit or vegetable. A fruit, right? Definitely a fruit.
From my decidedly unOrstrayan perspective if I am not playing sport or related to one of the players I have no reason to watch it or care. Food on the other hand... Yay George, who has nailed priorities.
ReplyDeleteYes, I take that unOrstrayan stance too, of course.
DeleteOh, those last two are DOOZIES! Have fun initiating George into the ways of Valentine's Day . . . .
ReplyDeleteWill do, Debs. Thanks.
DeleteIs George his real name? That is actually my dad's name. The was up gave me flashbacks of Honeyman and one of his best friends saying that to each other over the phone.
ReplyDeleteNope, not his real name, Ruth. Sorry to trigger "Was up" flashbacks. Those are the worst, aren't they? Good for laughs, though.
DeleteI didn't watch a single moment of the Super Bowl and it was every bit as blissful as you could imagine. Ahhhh.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, George is definitely a keeper. Also, I think I fixed my dashboard's problem with not showing me your new posts. So tada, here we are. And on time.
Also, #321: what if I don't have questions? Should I just never message you, then? I hate conditional headlines. I meen it.
You guys are keepers too. Those beards for hire are lucky.
DeleteGlad you fixed the dashboard problems.
As far as #321, good point. That's his headline. Idiot. What if I'm just looking for someone to date and I like his picture but don't have questions. Dude missed out. These men's dating strategies never fail to boggle my mind.
That reminds me of a great quote from Demetri Martin.
DeleteI went into a clothing store one time and a lady came up to me and said "Hey. If you need anything, I'm Jill". I was like whoa... I've never met anyone with a conditional identity before. What if I don't need anything? "Then in that case, I'm Steve."
Kinda like when people ask "What was your name again?" I feel like saying "It was and still is, Robyn, you dumbass," minus "you dumbass."
Delete# 324. I don't see the relevance of comparing June Cleaver to someone wrapped in gauze-za strips? Ka-boom works wonders.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Good one, DC. Gauze-za strips. That makes a lot more sense that his writing.
DeleteI'll look out for Ka-boom. Thanks!
Please elaborate on permiscuous! I want to know what else I'm failing at.
ReplyDeleteAll I can tell you, Stephen, is that it means supple, tasty, and connected with a bush.
DeleteWow, didn't realize that grammar was SUCH a lost cause. I guess very mature meaning over 45 explains a lot about my life. If there was a dating site and no one had an attitude, would there be anyone to notice?
ReplyDeleteNo, there wouldn't, Chris. But these men would still be idiots.
DeleteIf he knows anything about you (or your blog) Valentine Day better bring one of those big heart shaped boxes.
ReplyDeleteLittle does he know how much pressure he's under...or maybe he does.
DeleteGeorge is perfection based on this batch of your celibacy reasons. They just crack me up and yet it's rather sad too. That last one with the misspellings, etc - I cringe. I truly cringe and I shall give my husband an extra big hug tonight when he walks through the door. Thanks, Robin for your humor. You made my Monday
ReplyDeleteI really was speechless by that last one, cringing too. Give hubby an extra hug for me, and I'll give George an extra hug for you. Smiles.
DeleteTry Craigslist - funny!
ReplyDeleteNot sure I'd know how to answer that last one.
And I hope George doesn't forget Valentine's Day.
Oh, I'll make sure he doesn't forget it, Alex. =)
DeleteI might be considered permiscuouse. But then again, perhaps not.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
WDW is one lucky man.
DeleteIt's been so long since I've had a shish kabob! I'm so glad people don't say "Was up" anymore. Or do they?
ReplyDeleteI never knew they said it in the first place. I thought they said and say "Whatz up?"
DeleteThe last guy had a relevant point in there somewhere. It gets lost in the terrible grammar (meaning, no grammar) and horrible spelling. Maybe he can Oxyclean that and try again.
ReplyDeleteYou're so kind to suggest there's relevance amidst the oxyclean permiscouse gaaza ramblings, Robin.
DeleteI don't think #322 can fit his foot up there, he already has his head firmly up his arse.
ReplyDeleteTouche, Pat. I'm laughing.
DeleteHappy to hear you and George are still doing well! Sad about the Seahawks though...that was a heartbreaker.
ReplyDeleteThank you, JoJo. I wanted the Seahawks to win too. Sorry.
DeleteI feel like I just lost 10 IQ points by reading reason #324!
ReplyDeleteGlad you and George are still getting on good ♥
Yet #324 claims to be mature and not stupid.
DeleteThanks, T. =)
"Does Donald Trump’s hair have its own time-zone?" BAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that is funny. And #322 might want to add some periods or commas in there. Run-on sentences give me a headache!
ReplyDeleteI think the sentence keeps running too, Martha. There's no period anywhere in sight. Sorry to induce headaches.
DeletePlease please please keep up with this. Your happiness aside, I love this feature and I so hope you get to 500. I like Valentine's Day. You don't have to buy anything to take the moment to stretch, write a note on a non-branded piece of paper and use that corporate-usurped day to vocalize or write out every feeling you have, even if you've been together for decades, how that person you love makes you feel right then. That's what Valentine's Day means to me.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I'm caught up on, "Past and present are bondage. Life is only now." Is the present not "now"?
You're showing your soft side - I like it.
DeleteGood point about the present, too. Yes, present = now. I didn't even consider that, but it makes even less sense.
Thanks for your cheer about this series. I appreciate it; you've given me motivation to carry on towards 500. It's never been about my happiness anyway.
Cheers.
I am so going to have to go back and start at reason 1, this was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nita. Great to see you again.
DeleteHoly cow, it does just keep getting worse out there, doesn't it.
ReplyDeleteYes, and I keep having fewer things to say in response. I'm speechless.
DeleteI'm sorry did you say something? I was too busy looking at George's soft and supple hand! The kebobs looked mighty tasty too! These were all great, Robyn! I hope #321 gets back to you, so we can find out if there's chocolate on other planets!
ReplyDeleteJulie
I bet there is - much lighter chocolate with fewer calories. Plenty of Mars and Milky Way bars out there too. Smiles.
DeleteI think I want to marry that last guy.
ReplyDeleteUh oh, looks like you and Mitchell need to duke it out. I'm not taking sides. I like you both.
DeleteI might have to fight Michael D'Agostino for that last guy. 'He sounz like a reel keaper!'
ReplyDeleteYou should probably screen him first for permiscouseity, Mitchell. I don't want you to catch anything.
Delete#323 - Good thing they're smart enough to warn people not to use their various posts and pictures. Those scam artist "contractors" stuck in the Middle East who need hundreds of thousands of dollars to escape never target those who warn people away. They always heed the threat and steal someone else's identity.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you and George are still going strong. Makes my heart so happy for you! Hugs!!!
I know, right? It's like Nirvana - very mature and after the fact.
DeleteThanks for making me smile. Loads of love back to you.
I was sooooooo crushed by the implication of the title I just couldn't read on. Oh. Celibacy. Even the word should be banned. (just saying)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing you haven't been a single woman who dabbled in on-line dating. Is that right, Mac?
DeleteWay to go for George even if he doesn't remember the chocolate.
ReplyDeleteYes. Who needs sports or chocolate? I mean, who needs sports?
DeleteOh my goodness. I think reading that last one gave me a headache! George has nice hands. :D Happy Valentine's Day, Robyn!!
ReplyDeleteIt made me wretch. Thanks, Daisy. Happy V-Day to you too.
DeleteI can't get past this: PALISTINIAN HOOKER FROM THE GAAZA STRIP CLUB AFTER THE FACT...the nurturer in me wants to know just how many times has this happened to this guy?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure George with do Valentine's Day just fine...if you call his office and ask his staff to remind him of the date.
Haha, you're such a caring social worker, Elizabeth. How many times can a person face PTSD? Yeah, the "after the fact" really underscores his challenges, doesn't it?
DeleteGood suggestion to call his office. Thx. =)
Reason #323 actually brought me close to tears. How any woman can read those words and do anything but melt is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteRight?! How's it possible he's still single?
DeleteThank the lord that he doesn't care about superbowl:) I am not big on Valentine's either but I always make sure my hubby thinks otherwise as he thinks it's alot of bunk. I love to grind his gears(in more ways than one:)) The list especially the last one makes me wonder if he writes fan mail to the little mermaid
ReplyDeleteYou always make me laugh, Birgit. The little mermaid is far too intelligent for him, despite the fact that she's a cartoon and has no intelligence.
Delete"I'm not stupid."
ReplyDeleteAt least that was spelled right.
Good point, Jono. I'll give him that.
DeleteA foot in it ass? Is he calling someone "ass" or is his ass in his mouth?
ReplyDeleteSo you're going to make George jump through the hoops for Valentine's Day! Hah, women are all the same! (In some respects, at least!)
I was wondering the same, GB. If his ass isn't in his mouth, perhaps it should be.
DeleteNah, it's just that the pressure's already on George, because of my writing and chocoholism and all.
I always like how honest and timely and inspiring your posts are. :D
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, SL.
DeleteNot only don't I care about the super bowl, I didn't watch a single game all season. I hate Valentine's, but I hate Hallmark stores even more. If I was to buy a Valentine's day card for my wife, I'd be much more likely to buy it at the Dollar Store. I don't do that either, because luckily, my wife feels the same way. She says "Valentine's day is a colossal waste of money and is nothing short of a celebration of the needless death of millions of flowers." I love her!
ReplyDelete-----------------
Oh yeah, back the reasons for celibacy. Guys aren't getting any smarter, are they? You'd thing they would at least edit what they write in these places.
If I had known that #321 could have answered all of my lives questions I would have acted on that sooner!! I have so many!
ReplyDeletelife questions* Stupid typos
ReplyDeleteOmfg. Being single is being subjected to these people.
ReplyDeleteSide note: I like the bondage guy.