And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Down with Hallmark, Up with Hallbark!


I'm sorry I didn't get it together to do an anti-Valentine's contest this year. I just...didn't. Instead, I'm posting an oldie. The photo prompt is thanks to Jenny Matlock, Saturday Centus guru. Within 50 words, we were to create a Hallmark-ish Valentine's greeting. Mine follows. Ultimately, I aimed --and still aim-- to bring Hallmark down, one lowly mutt at a time, and replace it with a line of Hallbark cards. So far, years later, I still have only one "poetic" greeting:
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A Hallbark Creation

I’m a sad lowly mutt from Pom Beaitch

With a fetish for dressing in kitsch

They say “Dawg, your singing is pitch!”

Yo, I ain’t no looker, and I ain’t rich

But I really want you for my...

Valentine.

56 comments:

  1. Okay - I wanted play too ~

    Yeah, I'm a pug.
    With a cute mug.
    Smiles in place.
    You see my face?
    I love you flea-girl.
    You is my whole world.
    And when it gets dark,
    You'll feel my Hallbark!

    arf-it, arf-it good...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Applause!! I love it.
      It can't be beat.
      For you, my pug poet
      An extra doggie treat.

      Thanks for playing, DC. You're awfully clever. =)

      Delete
  2. Oh my gosh! hahahaha He's cute. I want one!! My hubby will say nuh uh, but ha! Look at him. Okay... I'm done now. Your Hallbark card is adorable. :)

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    Replies
    1. He's so lovingly pathetic looking, isn't he? I want one too.

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  3. Awwwww!!!!!! I know a lot of people who would be really into Hallbark cards. We all love our doggies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True. I should perhaps focus my creative energies in this direction.

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  4. I'm glad you didn't do an anti-Valentine's post as I just did a pro-Valentine's Day post. And I don't want to be at odds with you, I like you. Regardless, I can get on board for Hallbark.

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    Replies
    1. I like you too, Pickleope Von Pickleope, even if you like the most vomit-inducing day of the year.

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  5. How about some Hallmeow cards, as well? That would do it for me :)

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    Replies
    1. Good idea, Martha. They'd probably sell even better.

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  6. lol the evil eye sure comes from that poor guy. That or he is ready to gift to all and is going to leave a gift in the hall. Hint, it isn't chocolate.

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    Replies
    1. Oh no, a bone that he's slobbered all over? That's just evil. Thanks for the warning, Pat.

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  7. Well, you may have written only one Hallbark rhyme, but it's a classic! Enjoy your Valentines Day this year, Robyn!

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  8. Hallbark Cards would skyrocket in sales! LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It might pay a lot better than this book writing gig, right, Roland?

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  9. Winston Churchill never looked so good

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    Replies
    1. Winston? Oh, that's who he resembles. Good eye, Birgit. LOL.

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  10. I'm officially wooed. Or is it woofed? Either way, he's so dreamy!

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    Replies
    1. Us co-dependents go for the disheveled types, don't we, Elsie? I'll send him your way when I'm done. Oh, that sounds incredibly disturbing. Never mind. He's all mine. Sorry, my friend.

      Delete
  11. I love these. Another Hallbark from the dog:

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I can lick my own balls
    So I don't need you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was a truly laugh out loud greeting. Love it. Thank you, BnB.

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  12. There once was an old dog named Mitch
    Who said to an attractive young bitch,
    "If I stick my nose
    where the sun never goes
    Would you please scratch where I itch?"

    -Hallbark

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A V-day limerick, even! Jono, you're golden. This is hilarious! Thank you.

      Delete
  13. I love you when you bark,
    when you play fetch at the park
    I love you curled in my lap...
    But get off my leg with that crap!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The love just ended. Didn't it?
      Sorry about your pants, CW. Oh, I hope you were wearing long pants. Eww.

      Great poem. Thank you!

      Delete
  14. Hey Robin!

    This should be the last time I use this old Windows X-Pire Groan Edition
    It put me into submission
    Soon you will see
    More of me
    Penny loves that dawg
    Should do a blog
    Thanks for the prose
    It's great you knows.

    Hugs n'stuff
    And an extra ruff
    From Gary
    And Penny! :) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't get enuf
      Of your extra ruff!
      So glad we'll see more of you
      And your precious dog too
      So welcome back soon
      For you, Gary, I swoon. ;)

      Delete
  15. Your Hallbark was the best, Robyn! These poems and limericks really make you want to jump right in!

    Get me out of this strait jacket,
    This V-Day's quite a racket.
    I can't run and play,
    What will the other mutts say?
    They'd simply gang up to attack it.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor, mutt. He's trapped in a losing costume; it won't end well for him. I Love this! I didn't even run a contest, but I'm getting such fantastic poetic Valentine's contributions. Thanks for playing, Julie.

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  16. that's so sweet, robyn!

    just dropping by to wish you a very happy val's day!
    lots of love and hugs~
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  17. It's a Hallmark generated holiday and Mrs. Penwasser just doesn't dig it, so not much going on tomorrow.
    On the other hand, I'm probably a lock for maritals.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well that's good, because we know Bones won't be getting any action. Because, well, he doesn't have a penis.

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  18. Now, all you have to do is have a rapper deliver the lines, lol!

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

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  19. The poetry is funny and that picture. Oh, the most adorable I've seen today.

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  20. That picture still cracks me up. Very funny!

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  21. For a second I was like "When did I send her that photo of me in my Wonderwoman outfit?"

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  22. I had a pug that loved to play dress up. Waaah! I miss him now. That cutie up there could be my Valentine any day!

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  23. Haha! Love the photo and your verse. :)

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