And I Wrote This Book.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Valentine's Erotica! and Love for Melissa

For so many reasons, I hate Valentine's Day. Even though I currently have a sweet beau, my V-Day venom broils over. For one, the world would be much better off if self-worth was the standard, versus dependence on some prince/princess to bring happiness, status, red roses, and crappy non-fair trade chocolate packaged in huge heart-shaped containers making it appear as though you'll be set through menopause--when, upon opening it, you need a microscope to decipher a few lousy shards of cocoa...I'll quit now. 

Buy your chocolate before prices sky-rocket, or wait for the after-V. Day sales.

I love you, my dear sillies, and I hope you liked this poem.

Much love to my sister-bloggy friend, Melissa Bradley. Her heart's huge; her sassy wit, remarkable; and Melissa writes the hottest erotica I've ever read. Please send healing thoughts her way. If it's your practice, prayers are requested. She's dealing with beastly news. We love you, Melly. We're cheering you on. You got this!

Take care of you, every one of you.

81 comments:

  1. Oh my! I hope Cupid ate his Wheaties! :)

    Prayers here for your friend, Melissa, Robyn.

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    1. Yes, I expect he'll have plenty of growth to show.

      Thanks, Daisy.

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  2. Another holiday classic! Have a wonderful Valentines Day with you know who.

    Best wishes to Melissa for a swift and full recovery.

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  3. I loved it. :-)

    I learned to score big for chocolate in the after the holiday sales. I've got all sorts of chocolate. :-D

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

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    1. You're smart, Sia. The chocolate sales are outrageously good - 50% off, 75% off - course it's mostly the cheap crap, but still.

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  4. But, hot fudge gets so messy. Not that I would know anything about that.

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    1. Actually, I wouldn't either (not yet), Ruth, but I do imagine it's worth the mess.

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    2. I'm thinkin' old bed sheets, and/or dark brown sheets...whatever. It'd be worth it. =)

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  5. Great poem!!!! I have no expectations for VDay either. I don't want a box of candy. And anyway I've always preferred the sweet/sour or cinnamon candies over chocolate, and those boxes of candy always have some hidden allergy trigger inside (usually nuts) and I have to bite every piece to find one that I can eat without having to go to the hospital.

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    1. Haha, I have to bite every piece to find the best flavor. Or so I claim. You'd think with all the nut allergies and law suits, they'd have a guide as to what's what - like they do in higher quality chocolate boxes.

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  6. Valentines Day is for the kiddies and I have two sweet little Valentines that will be visiting on Valentines Day.

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    1. Okay, that's a sweet plan and reason to celebrate. Happy Valentine's Day to you, Delores. Get lots of hugs and kisses.

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  7. And we really miss Melissa.
    Why can't there be love and hot sex every day of the year? I mean, really?

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    1. We do really miss her blog posts.

      Exactly, Alex. It's not asking that much. =)

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  8. Fabulous poem. Valentine's Day is just a holiday manufactured by merchants to sell crap.

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    1. And that's why it does so well in this country. People like buying crap.

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  9. I'll take the hot fudge lovin's over shitty, overpriced boxed heart candy any day. I think that's why hubs has stayed with me for 18 years ;)

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    1. That's one lucky hubs. =)

      PS Eighteen years? Wow, Theresa. You look so young now. You must've been middle-school (or high school) sweethearts.

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  10. Awesome poem, I love it! :) Valentine's Day isn't celebrated much here in Germany - maybe some flowers but that's really it ;) Sending prayers to your friend Melissa!
    I hope you are doing well, Robyn!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Beate. I'm looking forward to seeing more wedding photos!

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  11. Great, that poem was so hot it melted all my of chocolate. Now it's everywhere. Who's going to (erotically) clean this mess up?

    Oh, and best wishes, prayers, and all-around happy thoughts to Melissa. I'm a big fan of Melissas, don't you know.*

    *married one**
    **beard for hire

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    1. I don't know how much you're paying for the beard for hire, but I'd imagine you'd get that mess cleaned up (erotically) in no time, with the snap of your fingers.

      ***Glad you're a fan. She's awesome, and her writing...whoosh! Incredibly steamy!

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  12. Hugs and caring for Melissa.
    Valentines? Shmalentines.
    Every day is a good day to tell people we love them. And every day is a good day for hot fudge loving.

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  13. a Friday winner. I personally do like a funny card and deep down I like daisies or super cheap flowers, but that could be any day. You are so right. Cheers to you and all the best for your friend - good thoughts her way.

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    1. Funny cards are the best. Have you noticed that quality of cards and regressed over the years, Joanne? It's harder than ever to find a truly funny card, but there are still some out there.

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  14. I LOVE your poem! I'll read it to the Wooters man.

    Love,
    Janie

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  15. Damn, I need to go step out in the snow for a second after that lol

    And yep, the cat hates the stupid day as well. Nothing but foolish humans thinking one day can make all right, pffft to that. Do it every night.

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    1. "Do it every night"...(alone or with a friend). I like it, Pat. Think we have a new slogan for the world.

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  16. I'm going to have to get the Great Scot to read this hot luuuuv poem; preferably with chocolate already on hand...
    Valentine's, pffffffftttt. Shoot that chubby bugger zombie juice and send him over to Pat Hatt's to play!

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  17. I'm fully aware of the commercialism of it, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to celebrate love on that day :P

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    1. Oh Michael, you're such a good one, and so not jaded. I like it.

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  18. A fun post as always, Robyn. All holidays are becoming more and more commercialized as time goes on. But I ignore all that. I celebrate with the people I love in my own way. I bet you do the same.

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    1. Yes. I sent off valentine's cards to the little ones (niece and nephews) in my life. George and I will spend the day together, but we'd do that anyway. =)

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  19. Robyn, You continue to be my Valentine Year after year, and I'm so proud you take the 50.00 a year payment for that friendship!

    Love You Mean it!! LYMI....been a rong tine since I signed it that way....

    PS: So happy you have a beau!

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    1. John, you've been one of my very few sweeties all along, and I love you for it. Thank you.

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  20. I'm sorry your friend has bad news. I do pray, daily in fact (if I don't fall asleep doing it, ugh!!) and will absolutely include your friend.

    My husband and I don't exchange gifts. We used to... it seems so commercial now though (or maybe we're just becoming unromantic, ha!). We do give a little small treat to the kiddos. :)

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    1. Thank you for your prayers and sweet sentiment, Rosey.

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  21. Love this poem. Made me smile and cheer. Thanks so much my sister friend. And thank you so much everyone for the prayers and thoughts.

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    1. We're fighting with you, doll. Keep all of this love and force with you. You and Maxie are going to do more ass-kicking (and well, other things) for many more years.

      All my love, sister.xoxoxox

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  22. I think this is the most sizzling of all your erotica poems yet! There were too many great lines to mention! You should be in charge of The Fifty Shades greeting card collection, Robyn! Hope you and George have a very romantic Valentine's Day!

    On a more serious note, I'm sorry that Melissa isn't doing well. Sending lots of good thoughts, and prayers her way.

    Julie

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    1. Every time I write a new one, Julie, I think it's steamier than the one before. I'd love to run the Fifty Shades greeting card selection; it'd make me a millionaire. They're selling all kinds of "Fifty Shades" crap for all kinds of money.

      Thank you. It's appreciated, Julie.

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  23. You are so funny Robyn! I am not a fan of Valentine's day. In fact, I hate it. I'm very happy to report that my lovely wife feels the same way. Seriously, why waste money on cards and flowers, when you can use it to buy food!

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    1. That's what I'm saying, Pat. I knew I liked you. You and your wife both got good one. =)

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  24. Hallmark has to fund all those touchy feely movies.

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    1. Oh, those movies are the absolute worst, aren't they, Mac? Puke inducing.

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  25. Robyn - your poem is definitely something wild. Why not go for Cupid? He is the HEAD man after all.

    I was tickled, reading about your friend's dance with the wigs. Sending love and good thoughts her way, and to you.(smile)

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    1. Thanks, Dixie. You're a sweet lady. Melissa knows how to make the most of a horrid situation. If only life didn't keep pounding her. But our love and healing thoughts are going to help pull her through.

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  26. I got a semi/inspired reading this. I will eventually compose some cryptozoological erotica in your honour.

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    1. Did you need a semi/luke-warm shower, Fredulous? I'm honored. I hope you'll forward the cryptozoological erotica. I expect it will excite me. Wink.

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  27. Let's face it, the world would be better off without Hallmark! I hope your "beau" understands that he better be bringing heart boxes of fair trade chocolate...

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    1. I hope so too, Sage. I already told him "No cheap chocolate crap." I think that means I won't get any. (Chocolate, that is.)

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  28. I do not like the way that Valentine's Day is commercialized here in the states. My thoughts and prayers are going out to your friend Melissa.

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    1. Wasn't Valentines Day a "fake" holiday all jazzed up by Hallmark? I seem to recall reading something like that.

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    2. I'm sure you're right, Al. Some dude in Depends, a Hallmark CEO, no doubt, wanted to get laid and made up the holiday.

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  29. I read it again.
    I STILL need a shower.

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  30. Haha. How funny. I hope you have a good Valentine's Day, despite your dislike of the holiday. :) Prayers for your friend!!

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  31. Lol. I hope you have a fine time.

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  32. Replies
    1. *blushing* Thanks, Jono. Truth be told, that's not my body in the top cut-out.

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  33. Ha! I loved it!!! Happy Valentine's Day to you! By the way, I need to email you regarding my book of poems I'm working on. Can you shoot me an email?

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  34. I am not sure how I missed this but love the poem and I agree about this one day but every time I read V-day I think of 2 things-vagina and V.D. I guess it can go with Valentine's day:) Since you make me laugh and you have a wonderful spirit I nominated you for the Most Inspiring Blog Award. It will be up tomorrow morning:)

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  35. Hmmm, at a loss for words. Interesting poem.
    I thought of you last week, at a chocolate factory.

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    1. I hope this means you ate good chocolate on my behalf, Rhonda.

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  36. After reading that poem I feel quite shameless, Robyn! I shall take off my diaper on Valentine's Day in honour of you!

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    1. It's been years, GB. You're due for a change. The whole jungle thanks you (and me). ;-)

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  37. I think media is oversensationalizing Vday together with businesses. Haha. Nevertheless, just like Christmas I just go with it, but I swear Ican't wear red on that day. That's just too mushy.

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    1. That's going over the top. Pink, maybe. But red? Nah. Smiles.

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  38. Oh dear. That poem...

    I feel a hot flash coming on. *fans self*

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  39. I like Vday. Infact I love Vday. Not enough talk about the V. Though I dont get the connection with roses and chocolates.

    Oh, we are talking vagina's arent we?

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