My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Woman on the Verge of Paradise: My First Threesome

Sign reads: May you find Paradise to be all that its name implies.
Thanks for joining me on the verge of Paradise, as a new chapter of my life unfolds. This series can be found in the Paradise button to the left. While I alter some details to protect the guilty, I strive for accuracy in terms of content. This post follows from the last. I hope you enjoy.

Maybe I just need to redefine it. Yet whenever I engage in the introspective process of contemplating the deeper meaning of “paradise” –ultimately deducing that it’s a mere abstract construct to be found within, not via a man- another stupid boy derails my path to enlightenment.

The current derailer’s exceptionally skilled. Plus I don’t mind his dark, romantic Latin presence. The guy’s so suave he can manage two women at once. I know this because I participated in a threesome with him and an adorably cute brunette two weeks ago. I’d never done that before. Admittedly, it was really fun. There was nothing awkward about it. We had great three-way chemistry. But when the music stopped, our dance was over. A round of thank you's, and we parted ways.

I slid into a chair at the little black table on which I’d placed a glass of water. Just as I started sipping, he approached for another dance.  I readily agreed. From then on, Mr. Salsa critiqued my every gesture.  

“Keep your hands lower… You’re turning too fast… Don’t step to the side... Listen for the beat…”

As if the one-on-one technique tutorials weren't enough, he began teaching me Spanish between dances. I guess he likes to teach. I shiver upon imagining Mr. Salsa in the bedroom:

“Elbows in! Lower your knees...Clap to the beat” and, even worse, “Kick ball change! Kick ball change! Kick ball change!... Faster, faster!”

The visions so disturbing, I was back en route towards enlightenment. Surely this man’s not going to offer a smidgen of paradise, what with all the ball changes.  

“Find it within. Find it within” became my mantra.

But I returned to the club last week, for further derailment. Mr. Salsa and I caught each other’s eyes the moment I entered. We danced into the night. Our partnership was hot and his didactic, limited.

Later, as I reclined for a break, Mr. Salsa headed towards me and my heart raced.

“Hey, shorty.”

“Excuse me! What did you call me?” I couldn’t believe it.

Mr. Salsa pulled a chair alongside me. He reached out in my direction, turning his hands palms up to welcome mine. I placed my hands in his, anticipating a sweet, endearing apology.

“I don’t mean anything by it. My sister’s your height. You remind me of her.”

How romantic. I let go and rose to find the exit.

Just then, a highly seductive Spanish song filled the room. Mr. Salsa stood up and leaned in closer. His tone was sultry as Mr. Salsa proceeded to translate the lyrics line by line.

Quiero hacerte el amor una vez mas, the singer expressed.

“That means, ‘I want to make love to you one more time.’” 

 Finge como si fuera otra persona.

“Now he says, ‘Just pretend I'm someone else.’” 

Entonces saldreʹ.

“That means, ‘Then I will leave.’”

“Okay, well, I’m leaving now.” I grabbed my purse and we exchanged a hug. He kissed my cheek and I departed in a strangely aroused but highly confused state.  

Entering my car, I gasped. “What the hell was that? This can’t be Paradise!”


  1. You really, really need to write a book about your alien - I mean, male - encounters.

  2. Not sure what we will do, if you ever opt for the humdrum of a boring relationship.

  3. All I can usually manage is "mi zapato con queso."
    For some reason, though, "my shoe with cheese" doesn't do too well with the ladies.

  4. You'd have me hot and bothered with that line, Al, especially if you didn't translate it for me.

    Ms.A, I don't know what I'd do either. I can't handle boring but I've never had to worry about that one.

    InBed and Marlene, thanks so much. It means a lot.

    Alex, I know. Aliens indeed. ;)


  5. Sometimes men just ruin things when they open their mouth.

  6. Lolz of course when you mentioned threesome my mind went elsewhere first. As for paradise, I believe it belongs to a grander context beyond this world but all the best in finding it or whatever it may be for you. Also good luck with the salsa classes.

  7. um - certainly grabbed my attention this one - the shorty line was a winner, lol

  8. You did the right thing for sure! You should have translated a song for him.
    ithay hetay oadray ackjay!
    Good luck next time!
    Blessings, Joanne

  9. I am glad you had a little fun and even a free dance lesson while practicing your Spanish. But I really think you would find guys with more long-term potential at venues OTHER than dance clubs. I love reading your adventures but like you, I am often left a little mystified as to what the RIGHT answer is? Very entertaining piece! W.C.C.

  10. That's a great little character sketch of your arrogant but seductive Salsa Senor. I think you should find a cheeky nickname to use on him. See whether he can take it as well as dish it out.

  11. Now i love chocolate and threesomes.
    YAY great post

  12. Excellent stuff as always Robyn, keep up with the good work, I'm loving this series.

  13. When first entering Paradise, it can be confusing – it’s not the “reality” we’re familiar with. “Strangely aroused” is often a good sign. Continue to explore. (With caution?) When you least expect it... :)

  14. Hey there,
    I am just passing through from Alex's blog hop, and I am still working my way around all the blogs on the list. So I thought I would say a quick "hello" and I will stop by when I can. Great blog!!
    Eve :)

  15. Okay, you officially have to write a book about your awesome crazy life. I swear you are the least boring person on earth! ;)

  16. Hmm I just realized you somehow came off my followed list, I re-added you though :)

  17. Ruth, that's great. So true. If some of these guys would just not say anything, it'd be alright.

    Nadeem, glad I had your fooled for a moment. Thanks.

    David, though I'm so used to it, it still shocks me how rude people can be -especially if they're trying to impress.

    Joanne, yes, pig Latin's perfect on so many levels! You're awesome. PS That is pig Latin, right?

    WCC thank you. I think I've exhausted every prospective venue. I love to dance and even thought I was good at it until I met him.

    GB, I'll try it. I think it would only confuse him more.

  18. jerzey, why thank you, new friend.

    Yeamie I really appreciate it.

    Beth, I always appreciate your advice. Caution is in order.

    Eve, welcome aboard. Thanks for the comment and follow.

    Ros, we're in email correspondence actually. I need to remember to delete the link to my blog post whenever I email him. (It's in my signature line.) It's a matter of time before I forget...Will keep you posted.

    Jennifer, it does seem as though fodder for a book or movie is handed to me on a silver (or rusty tin) platter. Thank you.

    Bones, thank you.

  19. I want you to have fun with men, but threesome? I don't know. But he needed a slap on the face when he called you shorty!

  20. As an erotica author, my ears perked up at threesome. LOL

    All I can say is I would love to hang out with you sometime and be your wingman. ;) What an encounter! "You remind of my sister" is such a back-into-a-pumpkin line isn't it?

    Thanks for sharing and making me smile as always.

  21. You handled Mr. Salsa beautifully! Could you please do us a huge favor and turn your blog into a vlog for your next dance class? We need to see your threesome on the dance floor! Julie

  22. Your threesome had me cracking up!! The way he was correcting you reminded me of Baby getting dance instructions in Dirty Dancing - except she DID sleep with him.

  23. When I read threesome, I was like, ooohh Robyn! You go girl..
    Mmmm sounds like this guy fancy's himself..what a flirt! Sounded like he was up for it though... lol

    Very funny and very well written...


  24. Mi queso es muy viejo.
    My cheese is very old...?
    Man, that's not right, either!

  25. He is a very, very confused and strange man. I'm glad you left when you did.

  26. Mr.Salsa...I wonder if he knows Rico Suave! Riiiiccccooooooo Suavvvve.... :0)

  27. Melissa, I know we'd have fun hanging out and laughing at all the knuckleheads.

    Laughing, if only he had an ounce of Patrick Swayze in him...

    Empty, it's a good thing I don't know how to vlog. That gets me off the hook, right?

    Anthony, thank you much.

    BabySis, add one very and you're almost there.

    Marnie, too funny.


    Al, play some Spanish music and sing it to me. I'm all yours, babe.

  28. What a great story Robyn! I'll say it for the 100th time... You need to get to steppin' on a book...