Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Occupy Twitter the Obnoxious Way

The whole twitter thing is just so weird, it brings out the obnoxious in me. To follow are some of my unrestrained twitter jabs at myself, celebrities, and current or miscellaneous trivial events.

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~My dating life = friends with benefits without the friendship or the benefits.



~Am I the only one who wanted to see Bruce Jenner drop Kim's arm to jump hurdles (and trip and fall) down the aisle - to Chariots of Fire?



~Dear Ashton, is it true that you'r marreed? I thought we had something speshull. ~Sara (Note: Sara is the gal with whom Ashton had “relations.”)



~Dear Sara, don't believe evereething you reed. I dont' (reed that is). PS Are you free twonite? –Ashton


~Dear Ashton, assumptions don't make one an ass. Infidelity does. –Me (Note: When the news broke of his scandals, Ashton encouraged folks to not make assumptions, as “it makes an ass out of you and me.”)

~Dear Kim, if Kris' $3.2 million/yr isn't good enough, try Ashton's $700K per episode. (Psst, rumor has it his marriage is shaky.) (Admission: I am fiercely jealous of and irritated by the wealthy talentless minority.)



~Dear Kim, who has the engagement ring and can I borrow it? –Lindsay



~Dear Lindsay, it was a tough decision but my intuition tells me to keep the engagement ring so I'm not letting you borrow it. (Note: Kim claims her intuition told her to divorce after 72 days.)



~Tired of senseless change that harms the masses to help the 1%? Take action. OCCUPY FACEBOOK! (Note: I don’t understand the whole occupy deal. Do you? Who’s going to occupy what and how? Further, why not start with Facebook?)



~'Scuse me Kim, Can I get my wedding gift back? It took me a while to sign all my cds and I wanna give em to Beyonce. -Kanye W.



~Kanye, I thought about it long and hard and my intuition tells me that I should keep all my wedding gifts. So no. –Kim



~Dear Justin, don't worry. We don't believe you could possibly have a love child. We really don't. -all of us



~Dearest Kim, may I please have my wedding gift back? In case you forgot it's the book "How To Rock My Big ASSets". I have a new beau. -J.Lo



~Dear J.Lo, I can't believe I have to keep defending myself. My intuition tells me to keep all gifts & my assets are bigger than yours. – Kim

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Do you tweet? I’m @Rawknrob if you want to tweet each other. Please don’t be one of those “I’m enjoying a foot massage from my husband right now” tweeters.  I appreciate it.

Happy mid-week and don’t forget to laugh today.

37 comments:

  1. thanks for sharing this - I don't tweet or twitter
    but my intuition tells me your tweets are a riot.

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  2. I'm sooooo not into the whole Twitter, or facebook scene. Maybe if I had a life worth sharing, but, I don't. Heck, I only barely blog!

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  3. What a wonderful mind/imagination you possess!
    I don’t tweet – yet - but if I did I’d definitely restrain myself from tweeting inane mush. Perhaps other inanities, but not mush...

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  4. I don't tweet. I have enough trouble keeping up with Blogger, Facebook, my email, my clogging career, and my collection of shrunken heads.
    Ooops, did I just say that out loud?
    ACCURACY NOTE: Of course, Al didn't actually "say" ANYthing. He merely "accidentally" wrote something silly as if to indicate that he had a fictional collection of shrunken heads which he clearly does not.
    ACCURACY NOTE REBUTTAL: "...clearly does not"? Seriously...clearly? How do you know? For all you know, he does.
    CLARIFICATION OF THE ACCURACY NOTE REBUTTAL: Don't worry. He does not.
    FURTHER CLARIFICATION OF THE CLARIFICATION: As far as you know.
    What were we saying?

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  5. Bravo, Robyn, you've really mastered the pithy tweet. Or should I say "mistressed"? I don't tweet myself because I'm worried about the enemies I might make.

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  6. Al, your comment is proof you should tweet. (Please!).

    Thank you, peeps who don't tweet. I fully respect you for it.
    xoRobyn

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  7. These were hilarious! I don't tweet or do facebook. I am too busy with more important stuff...like angry birds. ;o)
    Blessings, Joanne

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  8. I need to follow your feed more often....
    And I don't get the Occupy thing either.
    Or talentless celebrities.

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  9. haha yeah the occupy thing it kind of pointless and talentless celebrities that have to pretend they are big, but the cat and pat both use the thing and not foot massages are given a ring.

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  10. I don't tweet either. It doesn't make much sense to me.

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  11. Haha hilarious... and very clever my dear...

    Seems you were right about Justin.. he should have at least strung it out longer so that people might believe he was capable of producing semen..

    ewwww haha

    as for twitter, i take the road sworn by Luke Skywalker. "I'll never join you!"

    :)

    xo

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  12. Robyn, this is hilarious...makes want to actually use my twitter account again. Thanks for the inspiration.

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  13. I love it! Celebrities provide an endless source of amusement for me. They are just begging for 140 characters of snark.

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  14. Joanne, that angry birds game scares me based on its name alone. But it's gotta be a funner time-suck than tweeting.

    Pat I must find you and cat to tweet. I imagine that would be a treat.

    Anthony, RFLMAO at Justin not being able to produce semen. Thank you!

    Darlene, you're right. It's utterly nonsensical. I think that's why it's popular.

    Chuck, Thanks. Find me there if you return.

    Julie, so true. The challenge is limiting it to 140 but it's a fun challenge.

    xoRobyn

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  15. Ha! These were great! I don't twitter or tweet or whatever you call it. I'd either become a stalker or have to get on A.D.D meds.

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  16. I will look you up. I have been known to twit on occasion.
    Who are Ashton and Sara?

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  17. Ruth, Ashton Kutcher's the idiot philanderer from That 70s Show who married Demi Moore and is now on 2-1/2 men. (He's the 1/2, and the highest paid actor in the biz.) Sara's a young blonde he cheated with.

    Yvonne, thanks. You're a smart one to avoid the craze.

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  18. Oh that Ashton. I thought you were referring to one of the Bachelor dudes. Ashton makes the news here all the time. One of Iowa's few claims to fame.

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  19. This tells me I seriously need to follow your Twitter Robyn. If all your tweets are like this I'd love to be a follower!

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  20. HILARIOUS! You have my sense of humor girlfriend!

    I am single again and thinking celibacy might rock.

    (For the moment anyway...)

    Digging out my chocolate, just for you!

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  21. I don't tweet and I'm thinking facebook is close to meaningless. But these are funny!

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  22. I signed up for Twitter. I really don't use it much though but when I do I catch a glimpse of a few fellow bloggers on there. If I ever get on again I'll be sure to follow you. :)

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  23. Nope, 'don't tweet, twitter or facebook. Heck, I waste waaaay too much time bloggin'.

    The Ponderosa is very time consuming!

    God bless and enjoy this wonderful day!!! :o)

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  24. Hey Robyn :)
    Ok, I am going to look you up on Twitter. I am pretty lame on there tho'.
    I don't do facebook, so I'll put some pic of Twitter for fun!
    I do like to see what all the celebs are up too, lol!
    Hope you are having a wonderful week!
    lots of love
    gi gi

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  25. I heard the occupy movement is over, but then it's not over. Demi filed for divorce. She said it was the right thing to do "as a wife and a mother." There's so much randomness in the world, I commend you for not joining twitter and/or facebook or, on the other hand, connecting with me for more randomness.

    Thank you.
    xoRobyn

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  26. I don't twitter...but that was hilarious !

    I just knew Ashton we get bored with Demi and cheat on her....they both make me want to gag anyway !!!

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  27. I haven't been brave enough to join Twitter, but I would enjoy silently following your escapades!
    You could be the younger and better looking Joan Rivers on Twitter! I would love to see you face off with Melissa! Julie

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  28. I love you! You always brighten my day!

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  29. OMG. That was funny. Thanks for the laugh, lady! Love ya!

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  30. That's so funny. Yes I do tweet and I enjoy the company of my twitter 'friends' but if tweets anything that makes me feel uncomfortable they're blocked instantly.

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  31. i only tweet when i post on my blog.
    i'm not into the whole twitter thing and i've deleted my fb account recently as well.

    love your writing style and your great sense of humour, dearest!

    your tweets are hilarious and worth the tweet!
    i might start tweeting after reading this.
    you're inspiring me!!

    xx and big hugs to you!

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  32. you are so funny with your tweety comments. i can't believe i'm writing "tweety comments", that sounds so dorky..or corky. anyway, i enjoyed reading this post.

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