Saturday, April 16, 2011
N is for Ned Flanders!
I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.
Robyn: Today, we welcome the man everybody but Homer wants as their neighbor, Mr. Ned Flanders.
Ned walks onto the stage reading the Bible. As he nears Robyn, he stops, folds over the page, closes the Book, and shakes Robyn's hand with the enthusiasm of Lindsay Lohan at Tiffany's. It is truly, truly wonderful to be here. We are all God's children, afterall.
Robyn: Nice to meet you too, Mr. Flanders. How's business at your store, the Leftorium?
Ned: Okilly-dokilly, despite the fact that nothing's RIGHT there. Get it? See, I can make jokes too. I -uh- LEFT it (hee hee) to my sons Rod and Todd so I could do this interview. Dee-dee-diddly-doo.
Robyn: I appreciate that. Tell me, why does Homer hate you so much?
Ned: He doesn't hate me, my friend. Homer's heart is as big as the sun. Then again...He leans in and cups his hands around his mouth as if about to reveal the world's best kept secret. I admit, Marge and I have a history. One day after Maude's death by random NASCAR accident, may she rest in peace, bless her soul, -- he crosses his heart, looks up, removes a hanky from his pocket to wipe a few tears, and continues -- I needed some sugar. Marge was good for it. Wink, wink. Okilly-dokilly. Now, I must go to confession. Gotta get my daily dose of vitamin church. He gives Robyn an elbow nudge and a left-handed handshake. Wonderful to be here.
Robyn: The pleasure was all yours. Thank you, Mr. Flanders.
Designed by Rich Moore, Ned(ward) Flanders made his first appearance on The Simpsons during the show's first season in 1989. Arguably, Ned Flanders is one of the nicest guys on Tv. Who can compare?