And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #56-62: The Missing "O"


Lifted directly from current on-line dating ads, please enjoy reasons #56-62 for my choice to maintain a celibate existence.
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REASON #56 About Me For the the most part I looking for the same things that most others are loking for. I’m just loking for another “o” at this point, buddy. Happiness,Value and substance in life. I want to make something real clear, I'm not on here looking for sex. I see you found the “o” when it comes to sex. That’s a point in your favor. I would like to find something more then that,so If thats all you have in mind ladies, Sorry but I cant help you there…Oh, sweetie, you just fell off the scoreboard. I'm just a regular nerd submursed in ink, art, painting, building and numerious other things people concider goofy. …Befor going further, I am heavely tattooed and dont plan on stopping. If that's something you dont agree with or can live with, then I'm not the one for you. If your looking for the short version, I'm looking for a simple girl with goals. Simply put, I strive to avoid heavely tattooed lokers who don't know what to do with an “o”.


REASON #57 i am 50 yrs old but my profile says i am 39 yrs old.I made a mistake and its hard to make another account so i will just retain this account. That’s a rather suspicious mistake, ‘ole man. If it’s truly weighing on your conscience, I suggest you utilize the “Edit profile” function.

REASON #58 I GIVE UP , HAVE A NICE DAYxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Can’t blame a guy for not trying, politely too. Give me a call, #58.

REASON #59 Hold on a minute. Never mind, 58. Kindly forward my number to 59. He’s a mover and a shaker. "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes...saying Hey-Oh, Gotta Let Go. I wanna celebrate and live my life saying Hey-Oh, Baby Let's Go..."

REASON #60 i dont wanna know where you are from and where you been i wanna know where you are now i dont judge the book from the cover be upfront about what your looking for and what you want it will make life easy.come clean or dont come at all Yeah, I’ve used that line too. Never worked for me.

REASON #61 I am a professional, 6'2" of Italian decent. Well, I suppose that’s an upgrade from French offensive.

REASON #62 I am a night owl. I am writing this at 430am. I have insomnia. I also work a graveyard shift. so if we were to start dating we would most likely do all the normal couples stuff like walks on the beach and dinners and movies whilst snuggling and driving around adventures...alas in the middle of the night. I can do the "normal" daytime stuff...meaning I can wake up and be out of the house by noon if need be. You almost had me at “I,” but I’m afraid it went downhill into a very dark abyss after that. Sorry. Play again, Mr. Owl. PS How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

26 comments:

  1. Mr Owl sounds intriguing. I wonder what "adventures" he'd like to snuggle and drive around? Possibly spooky shit involving vampires and werewolves. It may be a plus point that he wants to drive around them rather than into them.

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  2. Number 58 def sounds like a keeper. Who isn't looking for the "O"? I remember back in nursery school I was looking for it.

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  3. O no - surely he means the missing grammar class.

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  4. Thanks for reminding me why I will be single the rest of my life, and it is the big "O". lol

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  5. Oh, I'd go for #57....these guys are freaks Robyn.

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  6. I am really laughing out loud over those!! How awful! How COMPLETELY awful. Hold on why I go give your friend, Celibacy, a high five.

    I am so glad you are back! Captcha Balderdash is just not the same without you AND I miss posts of yours like these...

    If you get a chance, can you come vote for your favorite definition?

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  7. GB, lol. I know. One wonders. xo

    PTM, did you find it? ;0)

    David, O, you must be right. xo

    OT, you're welcome, Mr. O. [-:

    Babysis, #57 has me a bit concerned. I'm going for #58. I like the courtesy factor to his dark side. xo

    Alex and Noelle, thanks. Now, I'm wondering about Spanish average. There have to be more options than Italian decent and French offensive, right? =o>

    Kelley, I just dropped by. Thank you. I love it when you host Captcha. I try to enjoy others' humor as much as Cheeseboy's, but he gets me every time. xo

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  8. #58 was so sad I laughed out loud. Seriously? I guess he is going for a certian type...talk about playing hard to get.

    These are all so funny. xo

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  9. 'O' God! I still think you should 'concider' contacting some of these men. You might get some 'Happiness, Value and substance' in your life...

    Thanks as ever for commenting on my blog - *Tales from the Tower* I always look forward to some of Robyn's wisdom!

    Rapunzel x

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  10. Happy Friday Robyn! Look you already have an O in your name, you're all you need ( ah, ha ha)
    Thanks for the laughs :)
    Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
    love
    gi gi

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  11. Still takes three licks Robyn...just three.

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  12. Oh come on go out with one so we can have more info (laughing)!!

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  13. lol 58! hahaha - finally an honest one! lol..number 57 is probably really 60.. lol

    & no. 56 - loking for an o but 'submursed in ink' lol.. does that mean he lives in a submersible? or has some sort of weird bath full of ink??

    another gem Robyn.. you crack me up...lolz

    xo

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  14. Throw that paper away girl!~Ames

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  15. I would TOTALLY go for 58!!

    and the reason OT is lacking the big O is because I told everyone he knows about his "abilities" one night when I was drunk. I really thought that would get them "coming" to him... instead they just call him orgasmo.

    TMI for a comment?
    Eh, you said you were in search of the big O.
    OT's single.
    Just sayin'.


    What's "heavely" tattooed, by the way? Does that mean he heaves his tattoos to the side, you know, since they are on his giant belly? Or does it mean that he has a tattoo that says "I love Mam" or "Prefection" or something?

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  16. I wouldn't trust #58...he will give up, most likely halfway through...
    #57 how can he eat away 11yrs, age49 I can believe still....
    #56 needs to definitely "loke" up nerd and spell check if he keeps making the wrong association with tattoo ink.
    have u replied to the yoga guy yet?...just curious... ;P

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  17. LOL at #58

    Oh Robyn it's so great to be back at your blog :') Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's!

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  18. And this is them trying to impress?!?! Genuinely scary.

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  19. Brokenbiro, exactly. I'm sayin'. xo

    CSR, great to see you. ;-)

    Rek, wouldn't it be nice if we all could just delete 11 years "accidentally. Oops, it was too hard to start all over." xo

    Miley, you were on a roll with this comment. Thanks for all the laughter! Psst, what's OT's #? [-:

    Ames, I do it for my readers. xo

    Anthony, your comments crack me up. #58 is probably 60, and WTH is "submursed in ink?" I'm not touching that one. =o]

    Gayle, I tried, for my readers. I showed up for a date with #58. He stood me up, but he kindly left a note on the bar for me "Chickened out. Have a nice day." xo

    Chuck, thanks for reminding me how that commercial ends. :->

    Gigi, I like that - an "o" in my name is all I need. Have a great weekend, friend. Thanks again for the awesome song dedication. xo

    Rapunzel, why do you suppose he capitalized "Happiness" and "Value" but not substance? Kind of ironic, huh? Thanks for sharing the dating (in this case, non-dating) laughs with me. {-;

    Marnie, #58 is kind of my hero. Then again, he stood me up. See above comment to Gayle. Oh well. xo

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  20. Oh lordy.

    Yes some of my friends have called me "orgasmo" because they have heard I am "skilled". Now women run away from me like Mike Tyson runs from the law.

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  21. Thank goodness I'm happily married! If I was to find myself single, I wonder what kind of lies/exaggerations/misrepresentatons/etc that I would use...
    I also wonder how old of a photo I'd pick!

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  22. 58 might be might favorite so far. I like the idea of someone posting an ad that says they give up. Hilarious as always.

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  23. You have me laughing out loud over here... I have been celibate for over six months, not by choice of course. I have BOB. He and I have a date every Saturday night...and when the urge strikes more than that...well, he comes out to play.

    I NEED TO GET LAID! YUP!

    You are a fabulous writer....

    Lisa

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  24. OT, you'll forever be Mr. O to me (and women everywhere). Wink. xo

    Pat, I appreciate your honesty. You're already a cut above these 39-but-really-50-it's-too-hard-to-change-my-account-guys. ;0)

    TS, I agree. 58 is still at the top of my list. Actually, he IS my list. I just can't find him whenever I show up for our dates. xo

    NotSoSimply, I hear you, sis. Send Bob over, would ya? Thanks for the compliments. Hope it's a great weekend. {-;

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