Saturday, January 8, 2011

Note to Self


Dear Self,

Next time you're about to go away for a while, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - attempt to create another blog collage with Elmer's glue, whilst sitting at your desk, the night before you're scheduled to leave. When said glue does not pour out of tip, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - take lid off of said glue in order to pour said glue directly onto collage. See, if you do, it will spill all over your keyboard. When this happens, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - try to salvage said keyboard by scraping Elmer's glue out with knives, scissors, toothpicks, or a chainsaw. See, if you do, you will then be compelled to dash madly between said keyboard (before the glue dries) and partially completed collage (astutely placed far from said keyboard). When you dash madly, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - bump your knee on the coffee table, producing an interesting combination of laughter, blood, and tears. Furthermore, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - be surprised that you ruined the keyboard. See, if you are, you will look kind of stupid when you show up at Office Max the next morning, asking if the fact that you spilt Elmer's glue all over your keyboard explains why it no longer works.

Do not - and I repeat, DO NOT (Note within note: This is bolded, Self!) - share this story with anyone, as your klutzy behavior is a tad embarrassing, even to me.  Let them all think that last post went flawlessly, and you were off for an exciting, exotic trip in record time.

PS Tell them all that it's good to be back. You missed and love them, and you'll visit their blogs as quickly as you can.

PPS Tell them all that you have stories and lots of writing to do, perhaps at least one new series, as the next chapter unfolds. But don't let them get too excited; they might think a man is involved, and your celibacy posts would then end. Self, you and I, and Millie and Gertie, know that this is not the case. 

Yours and mine truly,
Self

32 comments:

  1. Poor Robyn. I think you need to read my blog post about the "ten percent theory" as you seem like you are in the same boat as I am with clumsy stuff.

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  2. At least "And do not film yourself having all these mishaps occurring, as it will go viral from Youtube to cable television", wasn't among your list.

    Hope you're enjoying your time.

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  3. Dear Robyn's self, I am so sorry all of that happened! I hope your knee is better and that your self-esteem is still in tact.

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  4. Looking on the bright side, you've learned a lot about computer maintenance. Looking forward to the stories!

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  5. That was hilarious. Like one of those Pink Panther movies. I am glad you are not dating in that state. I have heard horror stories about glue (well superglue), angry women and a penis that are best left to the emagination. Even worse than those numnuts who somehow have super glue and eye drops right beside each other on the bedside dresser. Not only are the bottles identical in each of these accidentl eye gluing stories but the person is so tired that they don't both to give a half second to checking the label. Sorry. You had me at glue and I so hate the gluing my eye shut stories.

    Don't get me started on the people who insert things into their rectum that need to be removed by a professional. The best one was a prist who was just hanging curtains naked in his house. (?) Then he fell from the ladder and with perfect aim, landed on something that lodge itself in his ass (??) No way he would admit that he shoved it up there himself. No, I believe the 'perfect storm' story. GAH!!

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  6. Ha - at least the blog collage looked, interesting; somewhat improptu Blue Peter-esque

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  7. Very funny. You make me feel almost good about myself.

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  8. Poor Robyn, You can't catch a break but your mishaps (online dating, etc.) make for great blogging. <3 ya!

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  9. I didn't know you could do collages with scissors and glue... thought cut and paste was a thing done on the 'puter in graphics or publishing programs.
    Reality really is an eye-opener.

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  10. Wow, that really sucks...especially cause keyboards aren't the cheapest thing on the planet. Welcome back though!! We missed you!!

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  11. Note to self print this blog and put it in a prominent place so i never do this, ever............

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  12. OT, thanks. I'm so glad you have a club for me to join and one that would accept me as a member. xo

    AFare, great point. I'm glad this didn't get to the viral stage. Rather, it was more like a progressive bacteria. ;0)

    Dear Noelle's self, Robyn's self says "Thank you." xo

    GB, true. Why does Elmer's glue always dry up at the tip, though? If this were not the case, computer maintenance would be so much easier for me. [-:

    Oh, Kal, you deliver the most hilariously random stories - time and again. I love you for it. xo

    David, I can proudly say the collage would've looked just as interesting without the mishaps. =o)

    Fran, stay tuned. I'll have your ego soaring to new heights. xo

    Ally, thanks. I love ya too. [-:

    IT, yeah, some of us computer challenged types who haven't advanced to the new millenium (i.e., me) like to literally cut and paste our creative endeavors. xo

    BabySis, it was an expensive ergonomically correct keyboard, but I like the cheap standard one better. I didn't mind throwing it into the dumpster. I missed you too. Thanks. ;->

    Karen, LOL. Thanks. xo

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  13. You are so funny!! Can't wait to read about where you went and what you did!! You are going to tell us??:0

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  14. Alex, yes, I salvaged the collage. It's my "Celebrate 2011" post. You wouldn't even know I went through all that, especially since I'm keeping it top secret. xo

    Gayle, yes, I'll start writing about it this week. I'm still unpacking and settling back in. Stay tuned. Thanks. ;0)

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  15. DO--give a BEVERAGE ALERT!!! as I just knocked my Crazy Glue- that I keep perched by my keyboard for emergency Collages!!

    OMG--I'm laughing so hard...I'm sorry--but Not Really--You know what I mean!

    I Love you--and will STICK by your side!

    John

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  16. If only this was on film! Perhaps you should install some video in your house and turn it all into a reality TV show! Very funny!

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  17. That was hilarious! And I promise I won't do any of it, or at least I won't tell!

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  18. Hilarious!
    Can't wait to read about a complete review of where you went and what you did.

    B xx

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  19. Oh you are so creative..!I was going to ask to see the said Collage ...but then I got a glimpse...fanatastic...it looks like your having fun...now about the keyboard...I think weve all done things like that...Ive spilled water from painting and sprayed varnish on mine...Lol...sheeesh..us creatives are all alike..!

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  20. Ok, Ms Robyn have you no longer gone Blog Wild? I sure hope that isn't the case!
    (where did the wild (things, ah ha ha ) go?
    Can't wait to hear all your travel stories!
    Happy Monday Love
    xo
    gi gi

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  21. Robyn, you have an award over at my blog for you.

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  22. Also, do not ever drink or eat anything sticky over your keyboard. Lived and learned.. the hard way!!

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  23. I take it by posting this you either fixed the keyboard or got a new one? Can't wait to see what happened in your new chapter!

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  24. Thanks for your shared stories, though they really don't top Elmer's glue all over the keyboard, and a simultaneous knee injury.

    Pat, remember those days of "Candid Camera?" I always worried that I'd be a victim of that camera. xo

    Ca88, thanks for not telling anyone. ;0)

    Betty, it'll be my next post. Thanks, hon. xo

    SmArtee, perhaps we're just a bit too creative. {-:

    Gigi, I'm still going Blog Wild. I just shortened my blog name, but I've got lots of posts coming. Hope you're well, friend. xo

    OT, really? I'm honored and will be over momentarily. =o)

    MMH, it's funny that they sold me a $2.99 warranty should I spill anything on my keyboard again. I'll get a new one. Woohoo. xo

    Sarah, yep. I ran out to Office Max and bought a new one. I didn't actually confess to my specific sin (i.e., getting Elmer's glue all over my keyboard), but they kindly sold me a new one with a warranty! [-;

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  25. Have you considered getting a fish? I only say that because Lions although great communicators kind of suck as pets especially if you use a LOT of elmers glue, it's like wearing a raw bacon dress or something to those weird cats. Or so I have heard. I think they should sell keyboards in six packs. I did find out Diet Mt Dew on your keyboard is actually the only thing that will remove cinnamon roll icing in there. But I am pretty sure you have to spit it out your nose. I don't know if it works on glue but it does look just like icing so I would at least try it.

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  26. Glad you're back. Glue, or any open bottle of liquid is disaster around a computer. Dagnabit!!!

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  27. Am I allowed to giggle? ooops...sorry! I did!!!! ROFL!!!

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  28. Peachy, you are hysterical! I'm so glad we connected. xo

    Marnie, dagnabit indeed. They didn't even think to make these things Robyn-proof. ;0)

    Marlene, of course, laugh with me. Laugh at me. I'm doing it too. xo

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  29. At least it wasn't crazy glue, that stuff is impossible to get off the keyboard.

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  30. Dear Self ~ You are as funny as Robyn. Who knew?

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  31. hahaha - you have a great sense of humour Robyn.. brilliantly told.. please tell me it wasnt true? lol

    x
    ps.hope there is no man! We want you all to ourselves!

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