Saturday, January 8, 2011
Note to Self
Next time you're about to go away for a while, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - attempt to create another blog collage with Elmer's glue, whilst sitting at your desk, the night before you're scheduled to leave. When said glue does not pour out of tip, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - take lid off of said glue in order to pour said glue directly onto collage. See, if you do, it will spill all over your keyboard. When this happens, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - try to salvage said keyboard by scraping Elmer's glue out with knives, scissors, toothpicks, or a chainsaw. See, if you do, you will then be compelled to dash madly between said keyboard (before the glue dries) and partially completed collage (astutely placed far from said keyboard). When you dash madly, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - bump your knee on the coffee table, producing an interesting combination of laughter, blood, and tears. Furthermore, do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - be surprised that you ruined the keyboard. See, if you are, you will look kind of stupid when you show up at Office Max the next morning, asking if the fact that you spilt Elmer's glue all over your keyboard explains why it no longer works.
Do not - and I repeat, DO NOT (Note within note: This is bolded, Self!) - share this story with anyone, as your klutzy behavior is a tad embarrassing, even to me. Let them all think that last post went flawlessly, and you were off for an exciting, exotic trip in record time.
PS Tell them all that it's good to be back. You missed and love them, and you'll visit their blogs as quickly as you can.
PPS Tell them all that you have stories and lots of writing to do, perhaps at least one new series, as the next chapter unfolds. But don't let them get too excited; they might think a man is involved, and your celibacy posts would then end. Self, you and I, and Millie and Gertie, know that this is not the case.
Yours and mine truly,