Monday, December 27, 2010
On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #51-55, aka The Corpse Pose
Everyone deserves a little loving during the holidays, right? Not really. Taken directly from current internet dating ads, here are reasons #51-55 for my choice to maintain a celibate existence into 2011.
REASON #51: how do you know Santa is a man?
he shows up late, he eats your cookie, he empty's his sack, he comes only once, he calls you a Ho & leaves wile your asleep
I STRIVE TO BE TRUE, HONES AND PASSIONATE.
I’ve got one for ya, babe. It goes like this: How do I know you won’t be scoring the booty of a good woman this holiday season or in the upcoming century? You need to hones your pick-up lines; learn to spell, read, and write; and curb the offensive jokes. That’ll take time.
secrets about men women need to know.We don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. Oops. I guess you didn’t like it when I tossed my bra and panties onto your head. Sorry. I'll introduce you first next time.
We don't care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning. Let me explain something to you, sweetie, sometimes that window is very, very small. Add to that the time involved in texting (not a pretty picture, but we don’t need to go there), the urgency is through-the-roof.
REASON #52: My . . . . . . . . . . . .secret . . . . . . . . . . . .is . . . . . . . . . . . .that . . . . . . . . . . . .I have a BA in Psychology, not a MA. I do not practice Psychology. I'm pairing it with a BS in Human Resource Management, which I now have. [ Whispering ] I’ll….keep the secret about….your doubling up on the BS, but you really should inform your patients and your psychiatrist…[Tiptoeing away from you]…Shhh…
REASON #53: Looking fort love You must be into fortification. Try craigslist.
REASON #54: I'm traveling abroad for 3 days. I need for someone to make sure my cat gets watered at least once ok maybe twice. I once was kicked out of a General Store for looking for something inspecfic. I do not care for burnt biscuits. I think you're attempting humor, but, to be safe, I'll take my hot buns elsewhere.
REASON #55: Spirituality; I do currently go to a real nice church, I do not believe that this is the only way to achieve " Heaven," or is a "Heaven" an after life type of situation but more of a here and now. I did study yoga for 12 years with Rodney Y and Diane V then for the last 3 years I wanted to do more of the survanassa (corpse) pose with my mind shut down so I went to Intuitive Way. Is that across town from Insight? At any rate, you’re not for me. Frankly, I’m tired of my men doing the corpse pose. Celibacy is much less frustrating. Namaste.