On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #45-50

Lifted directly from current on-line dating ads, I now present you with reasons #45-50 for my choice to maintain a celibate existence.

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REASON #45: I am very laid back. I speek my mind. I have tattoos.I just like to have a good time. I like to go to the movies rock concerts. You mean, like the Flintstones? Do you drive with your bare feet on the road too? I like to stay home, go out to diner,I like the little things in lif Is lif the medication you’re taking?  I suggest an increased dosage. It could help you focus enough to find spellcheck. Wish I could assist further, but I don't do movies rock concerts.

REASON #46: Well first off I like big butts. I cannot lie. How noble. The other brothers try and deny but when a pretty female walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in my face, you know what happens. Huh? Oh, I think I get it. You’re a butthead. If this made you laugh then I am the guy for you, because that is exactly what I love doing. Making people laugh. You’ve got some work ahead of you, dear. I like smoky old poolrooms and clear mountain mornin's. Are you quoting a beer commercial? Little warm puppies and children and girls of the night... Wait I dont really like girls of the night but the rest of them friggen rock. I like girls and I like the night but girls of the night.. Ummm... anyway. I am open about everything, so if you want to know anything shoot me a line and lets bs for a while.

REASON #47: Me Man You Woman Headline need help, Tarzan.

REASON #48: We love Zeppelin, and great food, and real literature. My wife wants a threesome. That sounds great to me! Can't wait to try. Let's talk about it. She is looking for a very specific sort of girl. We hope you are it. I’m appalled. This isn’t even craigslist. Try Zeppelin’s daughter. Her name is Scarlet, so she’s probably into threesomes.  You could get extra lucky; she might like real literature.

REASON #49: Intelligent, articulate, chivalrous, romantic, very passionate, open minded, dominant but never domineering and sensual. Great kisser (I practice a lot when I am alone!). Hint: I wouldn’t publicize this. Sense of humor - (I laugh at all of my jokes}! (Great way to take one for the team, buddy). Interested in you. But we haven’t even met. Plus, you’re weird. I don't expect you to be barbie or perfect, but I only want to have to carry you part of the time! I don’t want your hands on me any of the time ! I have a profoundly spiritual nature. I am looking to move forward in life. Sweep me off my feet, Grow with me and be the yang to my yin and help me balance out the incredible male energy, passion and charisma I posses! I am worth your time! namaste. Look Dalai, don’t kum-ba-ya when I’m around. Thanks. namaste.

REASON #50: Looking For a Friend First I want to meet a women that wants to make a commitment to spend the rest of are life's together. Let me get this straight, you want to make a a friend who’ll commit to you for the rest of “are life”? Is that so? See, that’s kind of an oxymoron, and so are you.