And I Wrote This Book.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

TMI & Dr. Philistine's EXCLUSIVE HOLIDAY SHOCKER! Part I.



With his left arm draped over the makeshift cubicle wall, TMI host Nosey Patinsky takes a sip of his ultra super sized Slurpee, pauses to swallow, and announces the following: 

Moments ago, TMI obtained official notice that Mrs. Claus filed for divorce citing “Irreconcilable differences; the guy’s a lush.” Our very own Frosty Showman managed to track down Santa at the Betty Ford Airport in Margaritaville. Watch this!

Mr. Claus, Mr. Claus, is it true that your wife filed for divorce because of your drinking habits?
That b*bleep*ch did what? Hiccup. Hiccup. Wait until I get my hands on her. You wouldn't happen to have any cough syrup would you?

We hear she wants custody of the elves. What do you have to say about that?
She's having an affair with some of them, isn't she? That is sick!! I can fit one of those buggers into one of my pant legs. Believe me, I've tried.

Will you agree to a drug test? How about a paternity test?
Will you agree to a prostate exam? Do I have kids that I don't know about?

Meanwhile, TMI’s Vixen O’Hara cornered Mrs. Claus at Floozyville in Jersey Shore. You gotta see this, guys.

Mrs. Claus, Mrs. Claus, we just learned that you filed for divorce and are trying to get custody of the elves. Is this true? What happened? Was Santa unfaithful?

Mrs C is exiting a club wearing a bustier and ringing her own jingle belled nipples.

He treats the Elven boys like his own personal sex army! I would nurture them and help them to grow--well not physically---but mentally as REAL viable men! Ask Mr C. about Mrs Fields and HER COOKIES!! It's always about the newest and freshest cookies for that man-dontchya know!


Did you have a pre-nup?
Of course we have a pre-nup!! But he won't remember signing it as he was tainted with 80 proof devil water and some X! He loses both sleighs and full control over the wrapping department as well as branded merchandising!


Mrs. Claus flashes a peace sign then removes her fur-lined cape revealing her own unwrapped cookies while jumping in the waiting Jolly Trolly...

Stay tuned as Dr. Philistine gets down to the nitty gritty of this holiday shocker. Can Dr. Philistine save the Claus marriage, or will Christmas be forever changed?

~Insert Bing Crosby's Silent Night and cut to the credits.~


The part of Mrs. Claus is played by TheInvisibleSeductress.  
PowderedToastMan portrays Mr. Claus.
I play Nosey, Frosty, and Vixen. I take no responsibility for the graphic that I created.  
***

28 comments:

  1. Oh. My. God. I cannot WAIT to see where this goes!!

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  2. What are you taking? And can I have some?? Mrs.C sounds like a sexed up Original Housewife of the North Pole. And I'm cringing ju ju just thinkin about those nipples ba ba bells. What's the name of that wine you're drinking?? You keep me in stitches. :D~Ames

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  3. I don't have much sympathy for Mrs Claus. She should have known not to marry a man who'll jump down anyone's chimney. But I like the way Santa responds to questions. Why can't he talk like that to kiddies?

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  4. ....the Elves are the true victims here...

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  5. love the disclaimer, but you should take full responsibility for them

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  6. sugar likes it..kissy kissy..;)

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  7. :0D Ho ho ho takes on a whole new meaning...

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  8. Mrs. Claus is such a ho-bag. I'm siding with Mr. Claus on this one. She probably drove him to drink so much.

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  9. See I heard Santa was actually addicted to X. Rudolph was the supplier. BTW...love the Bleepin' interview --- jingle bells and all!!!

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  10. The older we get, the more we realize that nothing is as it seems.

    :-)

    Pearl

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  11. Yes, let's keep focused on the poor elves, as TIS suggests. Marnie's right, "Ho, ho, ho" has new meaning this holiday season. The wise Pearl reminds us that things are not as they seem.

    I'm laughing too much, including at all of your comments, to say more. I just love these gigs with PTM and TIS.

    Stay tuned, folks. xo

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  12. I didn't know milk can get you drunk. No more milk for me. Are cookies still safe? and Are we still on for tomorrow? :)

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  13. I knew Santa was up to no good. But it appears that Mrs.Claus isn't as nice as I originally thought.

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  14. I'll never eat Mrs. Fields' cookies again!!!

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  15. Wow! I don't even know what to say ... lol

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  16. I knew those elves would be a bad influence one day!

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  17. Those elves! The elves are to blame!

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  18. mr c sounds like charlie sheen and mrs c sounds like dina lohan. it's all the same on the north pole i tell ya.

    ps: this was funny. thanks for inviting me over. i needed it!

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  19. That was so funny! HAAA!! I laughed out loud several times. The jingled nipples. Where do you come up with this stuff? I'll never look at the Mr. & Mrs. the same...ever!! Thanks a lot, RAE! (No, really..thank you)

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  20. Thanks, folks.

    All credit to TheInvisibleSeductress for the belled nipples and other accessories, and to PowderedToastMan for the elves in his pants plus shenanigans. Those two came up with all the zany lines. I just hosted this shindig!
    It's kept me laughing for days.

    Warning: There will be more.
    xoRobyn

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  21. "Mrs. Claus flashes a peace sign then removes her fur-lined cape revealing her own unwrapped cookies while jumping in the waiting Jolly Trolly..."

    Her "revealing her unwrapped cookies..."
    I think this needed to be a photo interview!

    Yet another great one....

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  22. Holy Moly! I'll bet those reindeer could tell some stories too.

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  23. Pat, that's very true. Then, I'd really have to make this an AdultContentOnly blog. Thanks. xo

    Margaret. I'm sure of it too. We tried to interview them, but Rudoph's nose was too distracting. ;0)

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  24. Well, it seems you and I are having a contest to see who can be more creative and you are kicking my butt! Poor Santa should have agreed to a pre-nup! Nicely played Robyn.

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