With his left arm draped over the makeshift cubicle wall, TMI host Nosey Patinsky takes a sip of his ultra super sized Slurpee, pauses to swallow, and announces the following:
Moments ago, TMI obtained official notice that Mrs. Claus filed for divorce citing “Irreconcilable differences; the guy’s a lush.” Our very own Frosty Showman managed to track down Santa at the Betty Ford Airport in Margaritaville. Watch this!
Mr. Claus, Mr. Claus, is it true that your wife filed for divorce because of your drinking habits?
That b*bleep*ch did what? Hiccup. Hiccup. Wait until I get my hands on her. You wouldn't happen to have any cough syrup would you?
We hear she wants custody of the elves. What do you have to say about that?
She's having an affair with some of them, isn't she? That is sick!! I can fit one of those buggers into one of my pant legs. Believe me, I've tried.
Will you agree to a drug test? How about a paternity test?
Will you agree to a prostate exam? Do I have kids that I don't know about?
Meanwhile, TMI’s Vixen O’Hara cornered Mrs. Claus at Floozyville in Jersey Shore. You gotta see this, guys.
Mrs. Claus, Mrs. Claus, we just learned that you filed for divorce and are trying to get custody of the elves. Is this true? What happened? Was Santa unfaithful?
Mrs C is exiting a club wearing a bustier and ringing her own jingle belled nipples.
He treats the Elven boys like his own personal sex army! I would nurture them and help them to grow--well not physically---but mentally as REAL viable men! Ask Mr C. about Mrs Fields and HER COOKIES!! It's always about the newest and freshest cookies for that man-dontchya know!
Did you have a pre-nup?
Of course we have a pre-nup!! But he won't remember signing it as he was tainted with 80 proof devil water and some X! He loses both sleighs and full control over the wrapping department as well as branded merchandising!
Mrs. Claus flashes a peace sign then removes her fur-lined cape revealing her own unwrapped cookies while jumping in the waiting Jolly Trolly...
Stay tuned as Dr. Philistine gets down to the nitty gritty of this holiday shocker. Can Dr. Philistine save the Claus marriage, or will Christmas be forever changed?
~Insert Bing Crosby's Silent Night and cut to the credits.~
The part of Mrs. Claus is played by TheInvisibleSeductress.
PowderedToastMan portrays Mr. Claus.
I play Nosey, Frosty, and Vixen. I take no responsibility for the graphic that I created.