And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

On Why I Choose Celibacy, #30-35, aka MEET THE FODDERS!

Dear friends, you know that I do this internet dating thing strictly for your enjoyment. Right? Let’s face it, it really is all about the fodder. I strive to give good fodder, time and again, and I sincerely hope this fodder is good for you. That said, it's time to meet some more of the fodders:
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REASON #30: I like the women with big brains I'm not hideous, malformed or unpleasant.
No? How about peculiar, bizarre, and freakin' weird?

REASON #31: Ex-Neanderthal iso Neanderthalless Woman Just wondering... are you healthy, physically fit..person of integrity and limited hypocrisy, mostly politically conscience, socially aware and culturally curious? Grown enough to distinguish between male behavior and that of a MAN? Say what? Was that written via Neanderthal behavior or that of a NEANDERTHAL? Mature enough to understand the importance of self love? Do you dance as if no one's looking? Live in a box? Huh? This is what you’re looking for? As a man of conscious, confidence and competence, I love, respect and cherish a strong, mature, intelligent, independent and SECURE (self loving) woman..I appreciate her, therefore she need not worry about the toilet seat being in the up position at the wrong time (of course my appreciation means much more than that). So, do you or do you not leave the toilet seat up? Also, I am man enough to understand that sex does not equal love. Not if you leave the toilet seat up like a neanderthal.

REASON #32: Looking for down to earth girl next door Dude, did you think to knock? If that doesn’t work, try the doorbell.

REASON #33: Goals dont have any Somehow, I’m not motivated to pursue you.

REASON #34: What to say? I do dishes, Landry Please don’t be talking about our Sarah. She’s way too nice and intelligent for you, and not bad on the barbecue, I came out to help my sister movie into her new home was offered a job and stayed, SO here to give California a try I was told it was allot warmer here? ..thought Id stay one or tow years pay off my home then decide sell and movie here or movie back home, (still in the air) Well, Californians are big on movies, but we don’t tend to watch them in the air – except on a plane. In this case, it costs extra, not shore We’re big on the shore too, being on the West Coast and all. how it will sound but it will depend in part if I meet some one out here! just got back into working out need to drop about 20lb Don't drop it on your foot. That could hurt. like to meet some one to see the sights with have a good dinner with, to go any further than that it all depends on the cemeteries we have, Really? ‘Cuz mutual cemeteries can kill a relationship. I think if the cemeteries is good the rest can fail. I suppose that's true on Halloween, but now you have to wait another year. Sorry, so close.

REASON #35: Let's get retarted I think you’re there, babe. I suggest you stay there. Alone.
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Whew! That was painful. I'm afraid I can't even field questions anymore, not even if the cemeteries good. You know? xo

21 comments:

  1. Do you live in a box? No? Well you will when I get you alone after dark in the cemetary and hit you with my extra 20 lbs. That is the goal I will pursue as we get retarded. (Holy Crap - this chick magnet ad just writes itself)

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  2. The "let's get retarted" one sounds interesting. I really wonder what he meant. Maybe he's looking for a woman who'll cover herself in jam.

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  3. I'm telling you, Kal, I'm barely conscience when I do these posts. I have no goals. This womEn movies through these like the a cemetery overpopulated by neanderthals. xo

    GB, that must be it. Retarting can be good. I always add extra jam myself (to my toast not person, however). ;0)

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  4. Cemeteries can kill a relationship!! Bwaaahaahaa!!!! Love it!

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  5. I dated #30. No, seriously. Really. He works at NASA. We had like 3 dates.
    The extra jam should be for nipples, if you ask a guy I know.
    I like the "limited hypocrisy" part. I mean, at least he recognizes that we are all SOMEWHAT hypocritical. He kinda sounds like an infomercial, though. "IF SO, I'M THE GUY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR! I'm only three small payments of $39.95!" (shipping, handling and blow jobs extra... and no, you don't know if the blow jobs are for him or by him, just like the rest)

    the last one.. I'm crying. allot warmer on the shore with the movies and... the.. CEMETERIES?! What the hell is that even SUPPOSED to be? Symmetry? Well, as HUMANS, we should all have bilateral symmetry and he does have a point that if the symmetry isn't good then the relationship probably won't work...

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  6. My bad, that wasn't the last one. The last one was just too retarded for me to notice.

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  7. #30 simply left me breathless, I was laughing so hard.

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  8. I question #32. What if I'm staring at her from down the road through my infrared goggles? Can't knock then, can I?

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  9. Hahaha thank you so much Robyn for linking the post to me :P Since the guy had a hard time spelling the rest of his ode to southern women, I am not going to take this personally (lucky him) ;) It's definitely hard to stay single when you've got all these HOT MATURE INTELLIGENT guys at your feet :P Go celibacy!!

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  10. I found myself "movied" to laugh out loud. These "shore" are funny. No rediculus sounds more like it.
    I asked my man to leave the toilet seat down only once. After he fell in the toilet sitting down for a midnight dump he never left it up again.
    Good luck with your selection process! :D ~Ames

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  11. These are so funny!!! Always love reading them!!

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  12. OT, yes, GB is very clever. That was a great spin on 'retarted.' xo

    Marlene, oy and lots of laughter with you, friend. Thank you. xo

    Miley, I love it all, and the fact that Mr. Cemetery is up for ridicule on facebook by NASA scientists now too. Good stuff. Hey, maybe the other Robyn will write an obit for him..? :) xo

    Marie, yeah, I give some of these men like him credit for cutting to the chase. I suppose. xo

    CB, excellent point. No, you can't. Put goggles in back pocket first. xo

    Sarah, thanks for being such a good sport about an idiot who does Landry! Geesh, he puts your great name to shame. xo

    Ames, great response. I'm glad you were movied. Love your toilet seat story. xo

    Gayle, thank you for joining in on the laughter. xo

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  13. Seriously? Cemeteries?? Movie???? Where do these guys COME from? Wow...just wow...

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  14. Psst, that NASA person on my facebook is the one referenced here. ;)

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  15. Miley, I was wondering about that. Funny. I won't tell. xo

    BabySis, it does kind of make you wonder. E.g., Do they show movies in cemeteries? xo

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  16. You give good fodder! Or so I've heard.. ;)

    The cemeteries? What the hell? What a frightening world.. haha

    another great post Robyn

    =]

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  17. Love this post!
    You never fail to make me laugh.
    Here I am wiping coffee from my laptop screen and it's all your fault!

    B xx

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  18. Anthony, I'm blushing. Thanks. xo

    Betty, I'm honored that this one was worthy of laptop coffee spillage. However, the credit goes to Mr. Cemeteries. Am I right?;-)

    Thanks Jenny, and the rest of you (for putting up with my nuttiness). I like you do it for the chocolate. xo

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  19. Oh Robyn, I haven't had time to check in here for a while but I needed a good laugh tonight. Just spent the last few moments snorting out loud as I read these latest reasons for celibacy. They were all exceptional but when I got to the last one and let my imagination go wondering what he meant by "retarted" I just totally lost it! :)

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