Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Life's Lessons From My First Day of Kindergarten, Part II.

Continued from Part I:

All these years and accolades later, and I finally understand my first day’s trauma. They laughed because I was so tiny. I still am, though I’ve filled out in ways I’m not so thrilled about. Then, it was one of those: “Oh, she’s so adoringly cute and little” guffaws. I don’t tend to field those anymore. Now, it’s the: “You make me feel so tall” patronization. Mark my words, the next person to tell me this will not feel tall when I’m through with them.

As I was saying, they laughed about my height. I’m sure of it. I mean, it can’t be because I had a long piece of toilet paper trailing from the back of my panties, or booger snot runny down my face. Sure, my bangs were jagged, but the classroom lighting couldn’t have been that good –public school funding and all. No, it had to be my precious stature. Right? You agree, don’t you?


You’re sweet, but don’t worry about me. I’ve clearly rebounded. Thirty nine years later, and I don’t even need to write over 1000 words about the saga. Alright, let’s keep it real. I hated being laughed at then as much as I do now. When I strive for humor, of course, I want you rolling on the floor hysterically and wishing you were wearing Depends. When your laughter is unexpected, though, only one of us is humored. I’m not the one.


All in all, I suppose I retained some prolific lessons from my first day of kindergarten:


(1) Adoration might present as ridicule;
(2) Kids are more sensitive than adults; and
(3) When offered an apple, don’t bite. Go for something a lot more satisfying and less healthy.
And so began my life by chocolate.

19 comments:

  1. Dynamite comes in small packages. Come over here and let me ignite you.

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  2. Cool. I am glad you are well adjusted. lol

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  3. After all, chocolate is the ultimate panacea! Right?
    great post and a cute photo!

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  4. I never pictured you as being short. Course, I've really only seen the head shots, but still.

    I do have a question about number three. What if it's a chocolate apple? Is it worth biting than?

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  5. Sometimes the best people are short. :)

    GO CHOCOLATE!!

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  6. Short and sweet...we make others bend down to our will... ;)

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  7. Well, that was insensitive of them! Their only excuse for tittering would have been if Mrs Henry had been a tall woman who had stoop down like a giraffe to pin the apple on you.

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  8. I was called super shrimp, my first few years of schooling. :)

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  9. Oddly enough, I'll be posting my kindergarten photo tomorrow !

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  10. Blase, that sound pretty risky. Wink. xo

    OT, thanks. I'm sure you won't hear too much more from me about SWC (short woman's complex), given my stability. ;0>

    Pat, the ultimate. Yes. Thanks so much. xo

    TS, I don't think of myself that way either, except when people make stupid comments. Good question. If the fruit-chocolate ratio is 0:100%, bite. If not, don't. {-;

    SirT, thanks. xo

    Babysis, some of the best and some of the worst. Thanks. =}

    Rek, love it. Yes, and we're more grounded, being closer to the ground and all. xo

    GB, I seriously think you're probably right. I didn't consider that. She was quite tall, and probably did make a comment about the height difference. You're an astute ape. ;0]

    CB, got the shrimp thing all the time too. Funny thing is, I love shrimp. Not the kashrut nor the teasing could keep me from eating it. xo

    Heff, well, I'll definitely be stopping by. Did I start a trend? I'd love to see everyone's kindergarten pics! <-;

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  11. I love reading your stories...and if anyone had made fun of you way back when, I'd have kicked their lights out!

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  12. Well I for one hate that song "Short People" and I had to endure way too many "Vertically challenged" jokes from my supervisors. I am 5 foot tall, but you know what? I don't feel short. And a lot of people are amazed when they find out my height. They say I carry myself in a manner that makes me appear to be taller than I actually am. It's called holding your head up high honey! Just do it! And remember this...the bigger the person the harder the fall! Hee hee hee :)Hugs!!~Ames

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  13. Ah very cute post..and revealing too. yes, i think those early days have big impact on us.. I'm sure most kids suffered ridicule of some kind.. I still remember eating a meat pie when I was about 6 and having it ooze over my fingers and the other kids laughing.. Kids don't have that discerning ability that says, this is not appropriate... Teenagers are just as bad if not worse, they actually derive pleasure out of humiliation..

    =]

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  14. Kids are so damned cruel. I know because I teach first grade. But I don't have anyone teased for being small. No, childhood diabetes and obesity have taken care of that.

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  15. I choose the small package. It's always a beautiful gem. Like you, Robyn.

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  16. I was called a "coaster" once by a tall guy who laughed and placed a drink on my head...sigh...


    Ever been called a coaster?

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  17. Someone called you a coaster, TIS? Where is he? Let's go kick him that jerk in the shins. PS I think I've been called everything but a coaster. xo

    Manzanita, you're sweet. Thanks. xo

    Cheeseboy, LOL. Thank goodness for diabetes and obesity. xo

    Anthony, thanks. Sorry about the meat pie incident. They were probably just jealous because they were stuck with bologna sandwiches. xo

    Ames, oh yeah, that song started up a whole new layer of abuse. Damn Randy Newman. xo

    Mar, I wish I had you as my bodyguard. That would've been so much fun. xo

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  18. I'm shorter than Mickey Mouse. Really. Every time we go to Disneyland I'm shocked at how short I am.

    Anyway, if it led you to chocolate, it's a good thing. :-)

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