Sunday, October 10, 2010

Top 7 Excuses Men Have For Not Wearing A Condom

I’ve heard them all. Truly, I have. Oops, family members might read this. As I was saying, I overheard women at the laundry mat commiserating about this very matter. I took notes, despite the shock to my virgin ears. Yeah, I happen to keep a pen and paper in the bottom of my laundry basket, and here’s what I recorded. {Can you believe men said these stupid things to those unsuspecting women?}

1) I have a low sperm count, so you won’t get pregnant.
2) They don’t make them big enough.
3) You want me to enjoy it. Don’t you?
4) I don’t have any. I just got divorced, so why would I have condoms?
5) We don’t need it. I’ve been tested -- a few years ago, but I’m sure we’re safe.
6) I don’t really like them.
7) ~~Unlucky #7's for you to fill in. Be creative; suggest another stupid excuse, if you like and/or if you've gone to the laundry mat lately. ~~

35 comments:

  1. Douching afterwards with Pepsi Cola will give you all the protection you need.

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  2. hahahahaha, this is excellent.

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  3. hmmm, I was born with 2 you know whats.
    BTW...i think you nailed most of 'em. oops. poor choice of words.

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  4. How about 'I'm allergic to Latex'? That would sorta work....

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  5. I've been monogamous for too long! I don't have a #7. I think you've covered all the bases anyway. Heee

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  6. "I forgot it...we'll use one next time."

    These made me laugh. Men are sooo stupid...and the women that accept these lines? Uh yeah....someone thunk them on the forehead please!

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  7. "I had a bad experience with a balloon twister when I was young"

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  8. I'm 80 years old you are 80, so what's the problem?

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  9. 7. I've heard they damage ladies and I would never want that to happen to you.

    Don't know, but funny post. :)

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  10. This one has never come up. Though I don't want to feel left out of the game. So I'm just going to throw out "Aliens took it" as a possible excuse. But again, it's really out of my element.

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  11. "It's like taking a shower with a raincoat on!"

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  12. #7 Someone at the Laundry Mat told me that I don't have to use one.

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  13. High school coaches used to have a great saying which would be a good response to any excuse: "When a man plays the big game, he suits up!"

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  14. GB, does that work for humans and not just apes? xo

    Margg, thanks! =-}

    Copyboy, that's a new one. Sorry about your "condition." xo

    AlphaZ, yes. Strange,I haven't heard that one. Probably because it's been overused.:)

    Bev, consider yourself lucky - in more ways than one. Thanks. xo

    Daffy, yes, girlfriend. I agree, and I like your addition. Sooo stupid! ;-}

    Nick, classic! I love it; it's the worst. Thanks for finding me and joining the fun. xo

    Rose, you got a loud laugh from me on that one. I haven't heard that one before, but I hope I live to hear it (or not). [-=

    OT, good one. Sounds painful. xo

    BabySis, good addition too. Thanks. :>]

    Baygirl, funny how it's always their birthday or special day. Oy. xo

    TS, it's never out of your element to play along. "This one has never come up." Yep, heard that one before too. The aliens one, I bet someone's stealing that right now. ;->

    Pat, they are compared to raincoats. What's wrong with raincoats?? xo

    Blase, you're good. Really good. ;-]

    xoYou're all great. Thanks for playing along!

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  15. It was very painful. I will have to blog about it. lol

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  16. I've overheard (in the fruit aisle) other women commiserating about this as well.. One said that he claimed: I'm allergic to latex...

    (and intelligent decisions, I deduced)...

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  17. "Well you can't get pregnant if we do it standing up anyway..."

    Pearl, Mother of One
    :-)

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  18. I am, like, totally blushing. Like, my cheeks are totally the color of the side bars of this blog. Kidding. Seriously, though, good idea about the pen in the bottom of the laundry basket! You never know when you might need to take notes!

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  19. You don't wear your socks when you take a bath do you?! HA!!!

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  20. I had one, but I ran out of gums.

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  21. My mind is blank!! Love these!!

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  22. I can't think of one that isn't already posted. This post is hilarious.

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  23. OT, you can spare us the details, really. ;0)

    TIS, those darn allergies, and those darn idiots! Those conversations always happen in the fruit aisle too. Don't they? xo

    Pearl, great one. It's so, well, stupid. [-:

    Kelley, I'm a bit embarrassed too. I don't usually traverse on such racy terrain. Celibacy does weird things to my brain, I guess. xo

    Marlene, socks in the bath? What idiot used that lline on you? Oops, I hope it's not your hubs. ;-D

    Sarah, that's an interesting one. Thanks! xo

    Gayle, thanks. "My mind is blank." Yep, heard that one. d-:

    Marnie, glad you enjoyed it. xo

    Cinderella, thanks, and it's great to see you here. {-;

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  24. Its too slippery ...that's the excuse my ex used every time...plain lazy... really LoL ;D

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  25. Songsnwords,
    Oh my, thanks for the addition. Too slippery? That's just so stupid and funny! xo

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  26. Oh, my goodness!! I don't know which I enjoyed more, reading your initial "excuses," or the ones submitted by your commenters!! Someone at the LAUNDRY MAT told him it was OK? Bwahahahaha!!!

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  27. #7- They don't fit.
    or
    Your on the pill, so you won't get pregnant and I know I'm clean.

    or
    I won't come inside. I promise.

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  28. AFANM/Joan, bwahahaha!! You make me laugh with your laughter. I love my followers! xo

    Yes, Mami, "I won't come inside," or "I'll pull out.." or the pill excuse..all good (i.e. stupid!) ones to add! Thanks for these and the follow. xo

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  29. haha - very funny post..
    yeah condoms, most of us guys hate them.. and for good reason.. they kill a lot of the feeling.. here's a couple of additions..

    "Ever tried running with your shoes wrapped in plastic? Exactly!"

    "Why don't we fill you up full of plastic instead? See how you like it!"

    "If it goes on, it's not on."

    "It'll bring us closer together."

    "I'd like to, but he has a no coverage policy. Trust me, he'll let us both down. Literally."

    i could go on.. forgive me, im sleep deprived..

    ;)

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  30. Oh Anthony, all of this from a new father, too. That explains everything!
    Thank you for your honesty. xo

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  31. "I swear I'll pull out in time." That and "Pleeeeeeeaassee?"

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