My Story, Yours Too.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Collage of YOUR Condom Comments

You, my dear readers, added the most amusing additions to this post on men's stupidest excuses for not wearing condoms, that I was inspired to create the collage below. Thank you! I think. No really, thank you! You are fun!

Gentlemen and other males (including Gorilla Bananas), please do not try these at home, in your office, the jungle, or anywhere at all. Just put them on, guys.

~I had a bad experience with a balloon twister when I was young.
~It was very painful. I will have to blog about it. lol

~"Why don't we fill you up full of plastic instead? See how you like it!"
~You don't wear your socks when you take a bath do you?! HA!!!
~It's like taking a shower with a raincoat on!"
~Ever tried running with your shoes wrapped in plastic? Exactly! They don't fit.

~I have been snipped. ~I was born with 2 you know whats.
~It’s my birthday. ~I'm 80 years old you are 80, so what's the problem?

~High school coaches used to have a great saying which would be a good response to any excuse: "When a man plays the big game, he suits up!"

~Douching afterwards with Pepsi Cola will give you all the protection you need.

~It’s too slippery ...that's the excuse my ex used every time...plain lazy... really LoL ..

~I'd like to, but he has a no coverage policy. Trust me, he'll let us both down. Literally. ~This one has never come up.

~Someone at the Laundry Mat told me that I don't have to use one.

~My mind is blank!! ~Aliens took it.

~I could go on.. forgive me, I’m sleep deprived..

~I am, like, totally blushing. Like, my cheeks are totally the color of the side bars of this blog. Kidding. Seriously, though, good idea about the pen in the bottom of the laundry basket! You never know when you might need to take notes!

~I had one, but I ran out of gum. ~"I swear I'll pull out in time." That and "Pleeeeeeeaassee?"

~I've heard they damage ladies and I would never want that to happen to you. ~How about 'I'm allergic to Latex'? That would sorta work...

~You’re on the pill, so you won't get pregnant and I know I'm clean. ~I've been monogamous for too long! I don't have a #7.

~Well, you can't get pregnant if we do it standing up anyway. ~BTW...i think you nailed most of 'em. oops. poor choice of words.

~Yeah condoms, most of us guys hate them.. and for good reason.. they kill a lot of the feeling.. ~"If it goes on, it's not on."

~Heee.."I forgot it...we'll use one next time."

~"It'll bring us closer together."

~I won't come inside. I promise.

~I've overheard (in the fruit aisle) other women commiserating about this as well.. One said that he claimed: I'm allergic to latex... (and intelligent decisions, I deduced)...

~Oh, my goodness!! I don't know which I enjoyed more, reading your initial "excuses," or the ones submitted by your commenters!! Someone at the LAUNDRY MAT told him it was OK? Bwahahahaha!!!

~Men are sooo stupid...and the women that accept these lines? Uh yeah....someone thunk them on the forehead please!


  1. Did you ever take part in a safe sex campaign as a student, Robyn? Girls who hand out free condoms to men have a certain kind of charm.

  2. Goodness me...these excuses really someone said...oops, wrong choice of word. ;P

  3. I agree with Gorilla Bananas, girls who hand out free condoms are the best. They are both sexually active and safe.

    We thank women everywhere for accepting these lines and allowing us to procreate latex free.

  4. Oh the advice of people at the launrdy mat. too funny

  5. I picked up a woman walking along the road during a hot day. She offered me a condom. It was immediately obvious to me that she had an agenda for walking along the road during the heat of the day.

    I let her out...with the condom.

  6. Lol. These are all just awesome, especially put together.

  7. OMG! I can't believe men say these things. I guess stupid is as stupid does huh. Who takes advice from someone in a laundry mat anyway. ~Ames

  8. Husband & I were in the store the other day and noticed the price of condoms (we haven't needed them for 20 years) and he commented, "wow, that is expensive, like $.75 a piece" (yes, he meant the pun) - and my reply "a hell of a lot cheaper than the alternative."

  9. Maybe you should take the top 10 & designs, make some art & add the quote. And you can do-it-at-home yourself for little money, or to spare the embarrassing chat at the print shop. ~lol~

  10. As Patch Adams said: You should go up to the maternity ward in hospitals..You know THOSE chicks put out (and I add: they probably don't use condoms either)


    No really,,,


  11. I may be selfish but I like the ribbed condoms that I wear inside out for my own pleasure. What? Am I missing the point and the romance of the situation?

  12. Blog comment of the year – douching with Pepsi cola.

  13. Answer to end all these excuses: female condom!

  14. Stop, people! You're making me laugh way too much! Oh my lord, I love my followers. I may have to keep creating collages of these comments. They keep getting better!

    GB, I never had that job. I do need work, and the benefits could be - wew!! Thanks. xo

    AlphaZa, your message sincere gratitude to women everywhere should be a worldwide Public Service Announcement. Classic! ;-)

    Tracy, yes, much cheaper. xo

    AFare24Get, yes, combined with GB's suggestions, I've got a rather ACTIVE career to look forward to. [0:

    TIS, that one is terribly funny!~ xo

    Kal, RFLMAO!!! OMG,Stop! You are too hilarious. Wait, Kal, you are kidding, right? =-}

    CB, yeah, that one and Kal's! xo

    Sarah, but then we couldn't make fun of men for these stupid excuses. We'd have to come up (excuse the pun) with them ourselves. Men are so much better at coming up (sorry again) with this stuff. =0)


  15. I'm glad I need neither excuses nor condoms anymore!

  16. Oh baby, I've been out of state....look what I've missed. All I can say is 'suit up' men!!! Heeehehehe

    Ya'll have the most wonderfully blessed 'fall' day!!! :o)

  17. I'm laughing so hard, I'm peein' my pants here!!!!!

  18. I am *so* glad I went pee before I read these!! LMAO!!!

  19. My face hurts from laughing. My personal favorite is the comment 'it's like showering with a raincoat on' :0)

  20. This was very entertaining!!! I feel I understand men & their parts better, which is good since I have 3 sets in this house. Glad you had this idea! (BTW, not sure if you do the awards thang, but if you decide it just ain't for you, I will not be offended!)

  21. some funny statements. thanks rose

  22. You crack me up!
    Lofty delectable.

    Hope you have a fantastic Tuesday!

  23. in praise of older women: they don't yell; they don't swell; they won't tell... and, they're grateful as hell! :P lol

  24. Ha ha! Holy crappidy crap. I must be an ignorant or an innocent bastard or both, but I totally did not catch on to the condom thing.

    However, my comment "nice twist at the end" does have a whole new meaning.

  25. haha - You're onto something here Robyn! Glad to see some of mine made it in....

    On or Off, we don't really care..
    As long as it's IN! haha


  26. Thank you all for laughing with me on this matter. Anthony sums it up well.

    In the meantime, I am still laughing. It was definitely good for me! xo