Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Interview with Jennifer Aniston: IWSG

 
Founded by none other than our Alex, the IWSG provides a venue to express writerly insecurities and offer words of encouragement. Join us, if you're not already on-board. All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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Robyn: Ladies and gentlemen, we've met a number of well-hated celebrities here at Life by Chocolate. So let's try something different. Let's welcome America's sweetheart! "Sandra Bullock is here? Woohoo!" a deep-voiced man shouts. No, sorry. Sandra was busy. Today we welcome Jennifer Aniston!

Wild applause overtakes the studio. As it fades, though, Robyn is hammered by a hailstorm of Legos. The cameraman turns toward the culprits: 27 children of various skin hues occupying the front row, each sporting a t-shirt that reads, "My Mommy is Better Than Jen". The kids are sandwiched between a scraggly haired, stone-faced zombie on one end and a sultry, long-legged woman with ginormous lips on the other. This woman abruptly stands up and directs the army to depart with her. A spaced-out zombie strolls shyly behind. The exit door slams loudly.

Robyn: Now that it's quieted down, come on out here Jen!

Jennifer Aniston walks out to center-stage, looking as cute as ever in a bright red dress that exposes a teaser of cleavage. She smiles cheerfully and shakes Robyn's hand.

Robyn: Thank you, Jen. I really, really - Robyn's staring at her cleavage - sorry. She forces her head up to make eye contact with Jennifer. It's just really nice to have a sweet, beautiful celebrity here for a change. Please have a seat. Robyn points at a flimsy wooden table chair. Oh, they're from ROSS. Get it, ROSS! Robyn elbows her playfully, as Jen imparts a courtesy grin. They both take a seat.

Robyn: I invited you here, Jen, because I'm insecure about being single. I write in first-person, so this directly affects my writing. I give off the image that I'm happy being single, better off, in fact. Thing is, I am. Maybe. But I'm not sure. Not totally. I still hold hope that I'll meet someone fabulous, but I don't want to have hope for that. I mean, I want to be perfectly content being single. You know? Jen's eyebrows are raised. She's completely dumbfounded. If I'm sincere, my writing will be stronger. And you, well, you always seem so poised and happy, even though you haven't been able to keep a ma--

Jennifer interrupts. Well, I'm doing well. Thank you. Justin and I are still engaged, and we're just working out the details, that's all. She forces a smile.

Robyn: Justin, yeah, I'm glad you mentioned him. Let's look at this picture of the two of you. Robyn holds up this photo:  You're beautiful, Jen. So why settle for that? Are you that desperate to be with a man? What is it about him: the widows peak, the heavily pronounced eye brows? Or his expansive forehead? Jen squirms in her seat and pulls out a tissue from her purse. Or is it his relationship history? He was with the last one for, how long? 15 years, but never married. You've been engaged for a year but still have no wedding date. Oh, sweetie, you and Brad were beautiful together, til he dumped you for that big-lipped woman. Jen snatches up her purse and begins to scramble through it. 

Jennifer: I've gotta go. I have a phonecall. Ta ta. She departs readily and we can hear her pouting as she exits the stage.

Robyn: Oops, I didn't mean to make her cry. She's so cute, isn't she? Robyn turns toward the back stage and shouts "Sorry, Rachel. I mean, Jen. You're very cute. I'd even switch teams for you if you were willing." Next Robyn focuses on Justin's eyebrows. That does it. I'm cured. Singledom is best!

37 comments:

  1. epic fail, Jen!! no worries, i have Brad on speed dial...

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  2. Hilarious. If only you could do this to her... See what you've done now! You've brought the bitch out in me!

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  3. You'd think she'd have men beating her door down, that's for sure!

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  4. Another guest bites the dust, it wasn't you - it was the Legos.

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  5. Loved this one Robyn, it's a strange change to see a celebrity who I actually view as likeable coming onto your blog haha, it's bizarre that she's so unlucky in love, I feel a little sorry for her too because she's lovely.

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  6. Did Brad dump her? I thought she dumped Brad. She's pretty enough, but I don't think she can make a man feel the love. I base this entirely on the characters she's played.

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  7. I feel for her and wish I could play a matchmaker. But yeah, I think she could do better. Then again, looks aren't all (maybe he's that good in b... - kidding!) Great post!

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  8. funny!

    ditto yeamie waffles. it's strange that she's so unlucky in love.

    xx

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  9. Jen, well, I have never been impressed except when she wore a tie and nothing else and that's all.

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  10. Tammy, I hope it's the old Brad on speed dial. He's not looking great these days.

    Rosalind, I'm sorry. Blame it on the Legos (per Alex).

    MsA, I wonder if she does and chooses stupidly. (?)

    Alex, thanks. I'm already going with that one. See comment to Ros above.

    YW, yeah. I did feel for her. Now, I think she's too desperate. She's got those looks, a $22 mill home, etc. No pity from me.

    GB, he hooked up with Angelina while still married to Jen.

    Marta, LOL. I like your comment best. It's probably true.

    John, they do stand out.

    Betty, I wish she was more accepting of it. She could be a great single, independent role model vs a pathetically desperate mid-40er pining for the fairytale.

    Thanks, all. You've made me smile.
    xoRobyn

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  11. Hahaha...hilarious! But I gotta tell you, I'm not a fan of this woman. I guess I'm in the minority!?

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  12. Ha! Nice pespective. New to IWSG. Hi!

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  13. Ha, ha, ha, I love it. 'we can hear her pouting as she exits'. Once again you've managed to quell my insecurities through celebrity exposure.

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  14. I can't believe you made Jen cry. You beast!

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  15. The opening was great! Being pelted by Legos ha me laughing. Very nice of you to take the "friend"ly fire Jen. Great post!!

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  16. I though he was cute, but I have no taste what so ever!

    Cute post! Or is that an insult now?

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  17. I think Jen should count her lucky stars he left her for the other one. He is not aging well. She had him in his glory days, Angelina can have the withered up version.

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  18. Oh the puzzle pieces of life for a perfect picture: she's gorgeous, fabulously wealthy, making money at her chosen profession and can get mani-pedis anytime she wants them. Now, if only she could get that bugger man piece in place....

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  19. Legos make a great weapon lol must be something wrong with her if they keep dropping like flies.

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  20. Martha, I think more people are joining you in not being a fan. She's coming across as unstable and pathetic these days.

    MollyMom, thank you for visiting and commenting. Welcome to the IWSG. Note that my posts are weirder than the rest.

    Farawayeyes, I'm glad to be of service. Thank you.

    Stephen, I didn't mean to. Really. As glowing and supple as her skin appears, I didn't think it was so thin.

    Thanks, Elsie. I still love watching Friends. I'm not so impressed with Jen anymore since she hooked up with this guy.

    Yolanda, cute is still a compliment. You can think he's cute, and you'd be in good company (just not in my company, but we all have different tastes).

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  21. Theresa, I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! He was so hot when married to Jen. Now, he looks like a werewolf zombie.

    Julie, I wish she would just get the self-esteem and "I'm fine alone" piece in place. She could be a great role model of a strong independent woman, if only she was strong and independent.

    Pat, it does make you wonder.

    Thank you, Lisa!

    Thanks, all. xo

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  22. I guess, it pays to be late reading blogs. I heard yesterday that Jen has called off the engagement. If this is true and who knows if it is or isn't....we might know who put the idea in Jen's head. Or maybe she heard that you were willing to consider switching teams and she has her hopes up.

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  23. Does this mean there's a "Robifer" in the near future? Find out if she likes chocolate before you commit. Happy 4th Robyn!

    Julie

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  24. I had a cousin engaged for 5 freakin' years before they finally got married. Another friend that is supposedly engaged but says it doesn't matter when or if they get married. Which makes me wonder why they bothered to get engaged. People are weird!

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  25. LOL...

    True story... I was a serial engager until I finally found the woman of my dreams.

    Phew.... :)

    Thanks for the laughs - but not for the memories :)~

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  26. It's important to be secure with yourself before you ever try to share your life with someone else. I think too many people are looking for someone to complete them. If you love someone, they become a part of you, but they aren't a puzzle piece to fill a gaping hole. Enjoy your singledom, marriage has its drawbacks too!

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  27. Hahahaha... great interview. I really do like Jen though.

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  28. I've just never cared for her. In fact, I find her annoying. I know, I know, there's probably leggos flying toward me as I type...

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  29. Cheryl, yeah, talk about an on again, off again couple. They're off again every other day. And every other month she's pregnant with his child (or maybe someone else's?).

    Julie, I'm loving the concept of Robifer. Thanks. Smiles.

    Ruth, indeed.

    Mark, sorry for the memories and your welcome for the laughs.

    JM, I really appreciate and agree with your sentiment. Thank you.

    MyJourney, that's okay. I really did like her until recently. Now, I'm with Yvonne. We're catching legos.

    Cheers, my friends,
    xoRobyn

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  30. I get high with a little help from my FRIENDS. I get bi, um, I get by with a little help from my FRIENDS..

    As for Brad Pitt, I so tire of that dude phoning me up and asking me for tips on how to look as awesome and my shy, humble self. I must change my phone number...

    Single is cool. Single means I don't get strange looks when I dance around my living room in my pink tutu! :)

    Sorry it has taken me so long to finally arrive with one of my eagerly anticipated, highly collectable comments.

    I also want to thank you for your ongoing kindness and support, Robyn.

    With that, I shall now go back to the wardrobe and find something suitable to wear.

    Gary :) x

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  31. Yeah...I don't understand how she could go from Brad to Justin. That's just wrong.

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  32. So true about the eyebrows! ewww!

    Still, 15 years is pretty successful - her track record ... hmm - ain't so good!

    Are her boobs real? I seem to remember they looked pretty good on Friends - yeah, she looks pretty cute still.

    That's what I like about your writing - aside from the humour, the honesty. Keep it up!

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