Wednesday, May 30, 2012

How Far Have We Gone?


How far we have gone
How much movement we’ve made
When text isn't a book
But a means to get laid

And those who offend
We simply unfriend

How far have we gone
How much did we gain
When a tag is for photos
And a tweet, the inane?

When we “like” a good joke
Say “hey” with a poke?

How far we have gone
To go viral we aim
Gotta increase the numbers
And stay in the game

How far have we gone?

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Memorial Day, A Child's Perspective

To follow is my annual Memorial Day post. Please excuse my recycling job. Sometimes, I said it better then than I could now. Oftentimes, I'm awaiting my next creative thought. So I dig into my archives.

I was a highly sensitive child, a diehard environmentalist and humanitarian (who failed to use a dictionary to check my spelling, completely naive to the fact that I'd publicize this "poem to think of" decades later).

    



Nephew Jeremy, age 1.5, July, 2008.

May it be a meaningful, peaceful and safe Memorial Day.

With gratitude and blessings to all who have served and will serve our country, and to their loved ones, for all time.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A Higher Calling


-A repost from 6.1.10

One must be of very high caliber to land a job nowadays.

Consider this ad for a job in San Francisco (source: craigslist.org):

Marijuana Educators Needed-

New Cannabis Educational Company is looking for highly knowledgeable Marijuana Educators. Cannabis Industry Attorneys, Doctors that do recommendations, Cannabis Chefs, Cannabis Horticulturists, Cannabis Herbalists, Dispensary Owners/Employees, Delivery Service Owners needed to speak to students. Must be comfortable speaking in front of crowds. This is an educational company only. You must be a passionate, up-to-date, knowledgeable Cannabis Industry expert in one or more of the needed areas. Weekend Only work. Part-time. Please send resume. Marijuana, Cannabis, 420, Medical Marijuana, Ganja

·Compensation: D.O.E.
·This is a part-time job.
·Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
·Please, no phone calls about this job!
·Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m working on my cover letter. Here’s what I’ve got so far. Feel free to add suggestions. 

Dear Highering Committee,
You should higher me. Here’s why:

1) I believe strongly that all brownies are “special brownies.”
2) I graduated from High School.
3) I’m routinely asked, “What the hell are you on?”
4) I get ravenously hungry when I haven’t eaten in 12 minutes.
5) I once listened to the Doobie Brothers, accidentally. (I thought they were the Bee Gees.)
6) I made a tie-dye shirt at summer camp 32 years ago.

Reefers available upon request, if you ask the right person. Hint: that would not be me.
Peace out!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sundays in My City: For The Safety of the Wildlife And You.

UnknownMami hosts a lively worldwide party on Sundays. Through her blog, you can feast on amazing sights across the globe. We're visiting another park today.

Despite its appeal, this one's named "Genetic Resource Center." I can't explain its sci-fi-like name, but we're in South Chico on a beautiful day. I hope you enjoy.



Some people (e.g., authors promoting their How To workshops or books) say that everyone can and should write a book. I firmly believe that two groups should never do so: (1) people who write signs for the public and (2) the men who've written personal ads that I've spotlighted on my blog. These subsets should not attempt to write a book or sign or personal ad ever again. "FOR THE SAFETY OF THE WILDLIFE AND YOU." Incomplete sentences irk me.

Excuse my mini-rant that ends our leisurely stroll.

Thanks for visiting. Have a safe and peaceful week!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #182-190


I'm back with a sample of today's eligible bachelors. Lifted from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, please accept the following reasons for my choice to live a celibate existence. I hope you understand by now, there's no viable alternative. 

Note that all of the following constitute the ad headlines, except #s 184 and 190; those were in the body of the ads.
~~~~~~~~
REASON #182: Lets play in traffic
Okay, you go first!

REASON #183: pork  
No thanks, I’m Jewish.

REASON #184: It's the real world people and i very firmly believe the world would be far better if 90% of the population would just die so the rest of us non lemmings could enjoy life. I know I sound like a****but that's perfectly fine since I am one but at least I have the balls to admit it. Also and I'm not joking I'm stronger, faster, funnier, smarter and will be a lot nicer to you than any man you have ever dated.
Regrettably, I don’t doubt that.

REASON #185: Life is for the Living
Try telling that to a zombie, sir.

REASON #186: You can call me Jim (no it's not MY name) but, it's only fair since I call everyone "Jim"
Really? So if you called my number, you’d ask for Jim? I might suggest a new dating strategy.

REASON #187: HOTT GUY lookin fer a HOTT PRINCESS!  
Look firstt fer spellcheck, Mr. Hott!

REASON #188: what does a guy got to do to get a gril 
Save $100 or so. Then visit Walmart’s Patio and Garden department. They should be able to assist you from there.

REASON #189: Am I here yet?
I don’t think so, babe. 

REASON #190: for leisure; i like to go for walks at the park i also like to ride my bike there on the bike baths or just have a nice panic by the lake.
Sounds lovely, darling, but I prefer to have nice panics in private.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

First Loves Blogest

{Apologies for the lack of images. I've had problems posting them.}

Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh's ever fun and active braincells, today is the First Loves Blogfest! Your first movie, first music (song/band,) first book, and first person. Four loves, one blogfest! Go to Alex's link to read about lots of lovin'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are my first loves spanning the four categories:

MOVIE: Walt Disney’s The Aristocats. I wanted to be Marie, the precious girl kitty with a pink bow on her head.

MUSIC (Song/Band):  Yesterday by The Beatles. Originally released in ‘65, this was the only song I memorized on the piano. My version was rather dirge-like, as are the words. Still, it’s one of music’s best!

BOOK: James and the Giant Peach by the incomparable Roald Dahl, published in 1961. I wanted to get lost in a giant peach. I didn't need to read the book, though the story fascinated me. The peach on the cover, alone, had me mesmerized.

PEOPLE: From Sean Cassidy to Michael J. Fox

My crushes on school boys paled in comparison to my turmoil-free fantasy romances with Sean Cassidy in the 70s and Michael J. Fox in the 80s. Sean and I shared an off-the-hook chemistry. His hand slid easily into mine. And when he walked me home, well, da do ron ron. A few years down the road, my Seanie ran into some Nancy chick. They embarked on heavy-duty sleuthing, so I looked towards Alex P. Keaton. I’ll never forget that first interaction…

“Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies? Don’t be shy. The economy’s looking up. They’re only $3 for a box of six!” I harassed the young, hip Republicans as they departed from their “Down With Social Consciousness” convention. One by one, they ignored my pleas. Alex was different, though. He broke his stride to purchase three boxes of Thin Mints. Love-struck, I gradually handed over each box, inscribing my number in humongous figures on the third. He called within an hour, and an effortlessly sweet romance ensued.

Alex P. Keaton was the first and last boy for whom I switched politics. He was adorably worth it. Everybody loved him. Yet I was the lucky one. My insides melted as Alex gazed at me, breaking into song, “What would we do, baby, without us?”

Why such famed actors with great hair would pick me – well, it’s unreal.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Monday, happy dreams, happy loving! 

Friday, May 11, 2012

Is it Nap Time Yet?

Wishing all good mommies a glorious nap this weekend!

{Originally posted for Saturday Centus on 5/14/11. The prompt was "Hush little baby, don't you cry."}


Is it Nap Time Yet?

Hush little baby
Don't you cry.
Life isn't easy
I'm not gonna lie.

But you've yet to taste chocolate
Or visit the zoo
Skip rocks 'cross a creek
And play peek-a-boo.

You haven't chased bubbles
Or wiggled your nose
Counted your fingers
Or tickled your toes.

And you've yet to eat ice-cream
Or dash through the park
Catch your first spider
And hide in the dark.

Right now, though, you stink
And you're all full of crap.
So let's get you changed
Then mom needs a nap.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Jack and Jill, Then and Now

In 1978, at age 12, I wrote this:

Jack & Jill

Jack & Jill had a race up a hill 

to see what was in the water.

Jack said with a frown,

"My pants are coming down!"

and Jill was filled with laughter.


Today, as a less innocent and more cynical 45er, I wrote this:

Jack's Rude Awakening

"Hey Jack," said Jill. "I'm off the pill.

Just didn't wanna bother.

Get work, you clown!

Quit falling down

'Cuz soon you'll be a father."

Sunday, May 6, 2012

A May Day in Chico: Sundays in My City

UnknownMami hosts a lively worldwide party on Sundays. Through her blog, you can feast on amazing sights across the globe.

Hi, there. Thanks for arriving, even though I'm starting this tour a bit late. We're back in Chico, CA today for a stroll through downtown's Artisan Street Fair.

                                                          

Card reads: "HAT'S $10.00" [The apostrophe is a bonus.]

 We'll close with a slice of California's best, roses and a palm tree.

Have a wonderful new week!


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Oprah Visits Life by Chocolate! IWSG

Have you noticed that insecurities seem to delight in wreaking havoc with the creative process? Well, Alex J. Cavanaugh  did something about this problem; he founded an Insecure Writer’s Support Group. We’re posting monthly, exposing our vulnerabilities and/or offering support to one another. Please check out Alex’s blog to visit others’ posts. It’s a group of kind-hearted bloggers/writers, authors and all-around great folks.  Join us, if you haven't already! All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
With a frozen stare, Robyn says out loud and robotically: Keep breathing. Keep breathing. Then, she looks up. Oops, camera’s on. Hi, folks! You won’t believe this! I’m so nervous, I can barely breathe.  She’s like CEO of the universe, and she’s actually HERE now in our studio! Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give a warm welcome to today’s guest, Oprah Winfrey!

Oprah walks across the stage with a big smile.

Oprah: Hello, everybody!

Robyn and Oprah shake hands and sit facing each other on Life by Chocolate’s stage.

Robyn: Oprah, I just, wow, I can’t believe you’re here. I mean, I sent you that letter twelve years ago and you responded last week, I’m so honored. You’re probably pretty busy too. Leaning towards her, Robyn whispers: I hope you’re okay with the pay. It’s not good.

Oprah: Yeah I’m fine in that area. She glances at her watch. I do have a minute, dear, but I’m afraid that’s it. Go ahead now, it’s your show.  

Robyn: Oh, um, I wasn’t ready for this. It’s like, geeze. I’ve worshipped you since I first saw you on your show. You’re superhuman — way, way up there, like with Mother Teresa and Google. And you’ve co-authored five books, and you’re a wonderful actress, hosted the world's most popular talk-show, and you're so generous with your time and money and, oh, sorry about the OWN ratings. If it’s any consolation, you’re too smart for the world, Oprah. People are getting stupider. I mean, they'd rather watch Snooki. She’s SO annoying, oh my God. And she’s bringing a baby into this world. Lord help us all!

Oprah: Mm, mm, mm mm. She looks at her watch. Well, I do need to leave now. Before I go, though, you seem to have bundle of insecurities.

Robyn: Oh I do, Oprah. Thanks for noticing. Robyn smiles proudly.  This whole writing thing, and writing in first-person, and what the *bleep* —sorry— I mean, what was I thinking? I’m one big *bleep*n —sorry again—rancid glob of insecurities. You know?

Oprah nods. Mm, mm, mm mm.

Oprah: Well sweetie, I’ll leave you and your viewers with this: You, and only YOU —she points directly at the camera— know the passions of your heart. Follow them. FOLLOW THEM. Be true to your life’s passions, and keep faith in your inner voice. That’s what this journey is all about.

Robyn: Thank you so much Oprah! You are truly inspiring.

Oprah bounces up and departs with a wave. Gayle’s waiting by the exit. They exchange a hug, then take off in a limousine bound for Yosemite.
____________________________________
P.S. To everyone who finished the A-Z challenge, congratulations! Every post I read was top-notch. You did great, and I know it wasn’t easy.
P.P.S. To everyone, keep following your passions. Happy May!