And I Wrote This Book.

Friday, April 13, 2012

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #176-181


Hi, friends. I'm back with a sampling of today's most eligible bachelors. At least they seem to think they are. Lifted directly from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, please accept the following reasons for my choice to live a celibate existence. I hope you get by now, there's no viable alternative. 

Have a great weekend. May your every momonet be devoid of boardom.
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REASON #176: Im board. Wish I could meet some cool girl to hang out with.
You mean to say you’re an uncastrated male swine? Or are you simply bored? If so, see below.

REASON #177: if your bored its probably because your boring :D
True. And if this is your idea of an alluring headline for your personal ad, it’s probably because you’re an idiot. :D

REASON #178: What am I chopped liver haha
I’m sure you’re not, babe; I like chopped liver.

REASON #179: New in town and ready to get it in!!!! 
Sounds sexual. Judging from your shirtless photo and delightfully chiseled abs, I’d like to invite you to do so. I mean - clearing throat and composing self -  good luck to you, sir. Have a nice day.

REASON #180: Looking for a moman who loves to be love
You want a moman who loves to embody love? Are you cousins with the next guy? The one who talks about the momonet, which my wise friend Ruth defines as “a moment according to Monet”?

Warning and apologies, repeat ad headline: Im at a lost for words at the momonet.... 

REASON #181: Cmon! Hop on! Wegoing to Blissville via Happytown!
With somber regret, I must decline. But cmon ‘n toss over whatever you’re hopped up on! Then Igo to Blissville via Happytown alone!!

31 comments:

  1. I can't believe you remembered I said that.
    Are these guys really using these as lines to lure in the ladies? Are you sure you are not on a site for people that rode the short bus?

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  2. Oh I love your "On Why I Choose Celibacy" Posts....Seriously this could be a book!
    Have a great weekend Robyn.
    Blessings, Joanne

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  3. Jeez, is that all there is out there? No wonder you're celibate.

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  4. My wife chose celibacy for me. Isn't she thoughtful?

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  5. I'm glad you post these. They always make me laugh!

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  6. The Happytown guy could be cute, in the same way that pixies and goblins are cute. Maybe you should ask to see his wardrobe, Robyn.

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  7. Im board. because your boring. Wish I could meet some chopped liver to hang with.

    Cmon moman. Hop on love. ready to get it in!!!! Blissville!



    ;)

    x

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  8. Im at a lost for words at the momonet at some of these horrendously bad ads Robyn, some guys really do quite simply just suck.

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  9. Reply All:

    At the momonet, although I may be somewhat bored, I’d rather remain so than hang out, hop on, get it in or on with any of you. I particularly would not want to be with a man who wonders if he is chopped liver.

    Regrets,
    A woman (not a moman) who embodies love (or close enough) and finds Bliss & Happiness in correct spelling and grammar.

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  10. "embellished by my italicized snark, please accept the following reasons for my choice to live a celibate existence."
    Oh Robyn. I'm at a loss for words. For once. ;)

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  11. Ruth, yes, I loved your definition. It's witty and accurate.

    Joanne, I'm thinking down those lines. Thank you.

    MsA, it's actually a good, realistic sampling, from what I can tell. And they're always better (from what I know) on paper vs in person.

    Stephen, spouses like to do that. She is, afterall, the smart one. =)

    Beth, I'm always glad to make you laugh. And I also post these when I need to laugh.

    GB, do you think it's an electric wardrobe with florescent lightbulbs?
    That could make me vomit.

    xoRobyn

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  12. Happy Saturday Robyn :)
    Thanks for the laughs this morning!
    These poor dopes!

    Hope you have a fantastic weekend!
    much love
    gi gi

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  13. LMAO well at least they are good for blog entertainment.

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  14. Yeppers--Celibacy it will be for me!

    LOVE YA-- I have ONE Chiseled ab left!! Plus I come from a Line of Long Livers.

    J

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  15. LOL LOL I always love your celibacy posts. I can never even pick a favorite of these lines, each one is better than the next. It's the sad truth that there is really no alternative for some of us! :D

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  16. I thought it would be hilarious to have you write an ad for me to put on one of these sites and see what kind of responses I get. Would you use your knowledge for evil, just for me?

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  17. Anthony, you pulled it all together in the momonet. LOL.

    YW, you always make me both laugh and feel understood. THANK YOU!

    Beth, your comment is priceless. I love it.

    Dawn, so long as you're not at a lost for words in the momonet. I'm often at a loss for words when I read these. There are many I can't post because I have no response. =)

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  18. Thanks, Alex. It was another interesting batch to work with. They make these posts too easy.

    Gigi, yeah the poor dopes. Love it (the word "dopes" in reference to them). Enjoy the weekend, dear friend.

    Pat, that they are, my most popular blog series by far - thanks to all these "eligible" bachelors.

    John, one chiseled ab? It's getting hot over here. For you, I'd make room on the trip to Blissville via Happytown. Wink.

    Julie, thanks for commiserating. My all-time favorite is Mr. Cemeteries (He's looking for the right cemetery in a relationship). None of the rest stand out in comparison.

    Kal, I'm not sure I'd succeed at that.You're my friend and you're nice. I like to make fun of the idiots, freaks and weirdos.

    xoRobyn

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  19. Robyn, thank you for making my detour from the A-Z blogs so damn non-boring. Who are these people anyways??

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  20. What a great group of guys! I'm sure those guys are celibate!

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  21. I went out with a guy once that when I told him I didn't want to go out with him anymore, told me, "Okay, it's your LOST" ---and when he would text me, this is what I saw, "HAY" ---I was tempted to reply with, "...is for horses" but didn't think he would have gotten it. :)

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  22. these are awesome, robyn!
    i know i can count on you for a food laugh, friend!


    hope you have a great remainder of your weekend.
    xoxo

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  23. #177 and178 your humour is decadent like your love life.
    TO #180 and 181, momma says, go for a crash course in written English yo mister.
    Hilarious samples, homo sapiens or sapping morons?

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  24. The guy who's board probably just pines away for you.
    Oh, yuk. Sorry about that one. I think I'm tired.

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  25. I really wish that you'd take this a step further and invite them all to meet you somewhere with body guards and hidden cameras. I would talk to your doctor about having shots first though! Julie

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  26. That one guys is going to spend his whole life looking for a moman.

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  27. I hear Happytown is the place to be nowadays. They serve free booze and all the chocolate you could want.

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  28. "ready to get it in" - ok, I lost it it when I read that. That was way too funny. At least he is straight to the point (pardon the pun) :0)))))

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  29. I am choosing celibacy...

    And that thought frightens me!

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