A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to entertain with topics such as the utter hilarity and cuteness of children; the challenges of dating, my related rationale for celibacy; and chocolate as a precious remedy for it all. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Interview with Pippa Middleton: IWSG




First Wed of Every Month
Alex J. Cavanaugh  founded the blogosphere's one-and-only Insecure Writer's Support Group. We're posting monthly, exposing our vulnerabilities and/or offering support to one another. Please check out Alex’s blog to visit others’ posts. It’s a great group.  Join us, if you haven't already! All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.

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Robyn: Ladies and gents, today we welcome Miss Pippa Middleton to our studio!

Pippa walks on stage in a tight-fitting low-cut royal blue silk dress that accentuates her perfect figure. Behind her, a broad shouldered bodyguard carries a gold pillow under one arm and uses the other to block Pippa’s derriere from any untoward squeezing or photo opportunities. When she reaches her imitation English Vintage chair ala IKEA, he places the pillow on it, pats it down, and signals that it’s okay for her to sit. Pippa shyly graces the chair with a smile.

A clump of mucous running from her nose, Robyn whisks her hand across her face before offering a handshake. Pippa attempts to hold her smile, as the two shake hands.

Robyn: Thanks for visiting today, Pippa. Oh, um, you prefer to be called Philippa so people will take you seriously, is that right?

Pippa: Yes, that’s correct.

Robyn: I see. Well, Pips, I invited you here during the Insecure Writer's Support Group because you recently published your first book. And I did too. It’s exciting, isn’t it?

Pippa: Yes, it’s quite celebratory.

Robyn: Yeah, I’m thrilled. It’s like I’ve crossed a threshold. It’s better than when I lost my virginity.

Pippa turns red, mortified.

Robyn: Don’t worry, Pips, we’re all friends here. Say, I hear your book about party planning has some nice pictures - pause - and 416 pages of idiotic advice like “put guests’ coats in the bedroom.” And you got a $600,000 advance for that *bleep*. And Penguin Books isn’t happy with you and -

The bodyguard approaches Robyn slowly and in a threatening manner.

Robyn: No, no, no, I’m going somewhere with this. Work with me. He steps back, cautiously, giving Robyn a chance to redeem herself. I want to say you should be proud. Pippa grins. It’s a book, a publication! And who cares about figures. Well, -- Robyn knocks her glasses off her face and onto the floor by her feet, as if by accident. Say, do you mind picking those up for me? Robyn lounges back, expecting to enjoy the view, but the bodyguard whispers to Pippa, “She’s a perve. Let’s go!” Pips stands up and grabs the pillow. The cameraman attempts to zoom in on Pippa’s posterior, but the guard blocks her entire backside as the two exit the studio.

Robyn: A disappointed cameraman turns back to Robyn. In the end, it’s not about figures, right folks? I’m trying to convince myself of this. Meanwhile, I’m checking sales numbers every two seconds, rather than basking in the glory of having published a nice little book. But how do I stop this obsession with figures, and just feel proud?
 

29 comments:

  1. It's about the figures alright... the good looking ones.

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  2. Ha! Loved it and you asked the questions that were floating in my head!

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  3. Lord do I loathe that useless woman. Pips is the Kim Kardashian of Britain, a wannabe princess who will never amount to anything. Love how you portrayed her. So true...;)

    I have never figured out how to check sales on my stories. LOL

    Great post!

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  4. Very clever and I like the whole chair bit. I can't wait to read your book Robyn! Try not to worry about the sales, and just enjoy your huge accomplishment. I know it's easier said than done.
    Julie

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  5. No one does IWSG posts like you!
    Figures will make you nuts. You can't control them, so why worry?
    Hope your book arrives soon!

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  6. Hilarious! I'm better off not thinking about figures right now, the sales one's are always too small and my tape measure tells me the other is too big. Sigh.

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  7. Those figures can drive one insane but when one is already down the crazy lane, oh well, if they cause you hell, hack up a hairball in the hall. Then you'll forget all about them haha

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  8. This really made me laugh Robyn, I'm not going to lie, Pippa's bum is quite the sight to see! I think it's a good coincidence that you and Pippa both recently published books, yours deserves to do better than hers though in my opinion!

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  9. MsA, the truth comes out of you. I LIKE it!

    Yvonne, thank you.

    Melissa, if I didn't publish thru createspace, I wouldn't know how to either. That might be a good thing. And the Kardashian of Britain - yes. Good metaphor or simile or analogy or whatever. Very good.

    Julie, thank you. You always say the right things.

    Alex, true. It hasn't arrived yet? I think it's shipping from your are too. Well, it'll get there soon. You're the best.

    Charmaine, good thing I can't find my tape measure.

    Pat, a hairball? Good idea. I'll let the cat (the one here) take care of that. Thanks.

    YW, you're sweet. Her book seems to be doing better in the US. I think we're (i.e., other people in this country, and certainly not me or my readers) stupider than the Brits. LOL.

    Thanks for all your support, advice, and silliness.
    xoRobyn

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  10. Thanks for the fun read. Very enjoyable.

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  11. I love how you incorporated your knack for silly interviews and your book insecurity. Well done. Bravo. Loved it. I wish there was some sultry pics to go with the post though.

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  12. I need (note need not merely want) multiple copies of your book. I'll have a figure for you tonight.

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  13. Loved this! Congrats on your new book- that's fabulous!! Bask and enjoy, leave the stats to take care of themselves.

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  14. Robin meets Pips! Perfect. Ignore the figures as best you can. I know it's hard, but everyone is saying your books is wonderful and that's the important thing!

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  15. How about offering to publish your poems on Pippa's butt, Robyn? Lovers of poetry and high-quality booty could satisfy their needs in the same way. And no one would know which group they belonged to!

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  16. So exactly which side of her were your looking at when you dropped your glasses??? Got to know if you are a T or A woman :)

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  17. Stephen, glad you liked it.

    PTM, thank you. I wish I had sultry pictures too. The cameraman started looking pretty good; you know I have a thing for cameramen.

    Teri, will do. They will finally arrive Monday.

    Lexie, thanks so much for your support and for visiting.

    Johanna, that means a lot. I really appreciate it.

    GB, Pippa probably wouldn't notice, but I doubt the bodyguard would be agreeable.

    xoRobyn

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  18. Chuck, I didn't mean to ignore your question. Or maybe I did. As I was about to say, I was wanting to catch a solid glimpse of Pippa's tuchas (Yiddish for ass). [I guess that makes me an A-lister.] Damn bodyguard.

    xoRobyn

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  19. 1. Thanks for the shout-out re: my comment. ;-)

    2. Pretty funny post. :-) But then, you're a pretty funny gal.

    3. Can't wait to read your book.

    Pearl

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  20. Sales will come when people read and enjoy your book, Congratulations on a job well done.

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  21. ROFL!! Thanks for the laughs! :-D

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  22. well I'm glad you included Pippa's posteria - insecure writers sounds like an odd concept. I used to fear I was one. Now I know I'm just pathetic lol xox

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  23. Congrats, I missed that "little" news of yours...make the book cover a desktop image and gaze at it every day...be proud...:)

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  24. You DID publish an AWESOME book! So quit checkin those figures!

    (And yes, it sucks that "celebrities" with no talent and no skill walk into awesome book deals. I hate them. *sigh*)

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  25. http://chocolateforus.blogspot.ro/2011/11/funny-video-topo-chocolate.html

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  26. Pealy, you are such a sweetie. Between you and Dawn, I get more than all the inspiration I need. Thanks.

    cleemchen, thanks so much.

    Lexa, my pleasure.

    David, we verge on pathetic too. We're just not brave enough to admit it.

    Rekha, that's a great idea. The image is so gorgeous and with all credit to Robin Mead.

    Dawn, Lord I hate them too. Thank you so much!

    Invis, you're after my heart, aren't ya? Great move. Love it. Excuse me while I wipe the saliva.

    xoRobyn

    xoRobyn

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  27. haha - very funny - especially the ass shot. lolz!

    It's annoying isnt it - that celebritys automatically get a foot up - whether they have any ability or not. I hear the book isnt doing that well. Makes the struggle for the rest of us that tougher to swallow. It's all about names and selling copies.

    It is a struggle to get your book sold, can't argue with that. Do your best, and try not to get down if it doesn't - not that it doesn't deserve to, but, that you weren't famous to begin with. Kind of like money, once you got it, its easier to make more of it.

    Push on, thats all we can do!

    xo

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  28. I can't offer any advice on figures as I too an obsessed by them, and I don't even have published book. As for poppa, this was hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.

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  29. Haha!! I loved the Pippa interview. That was awesome.

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