Friday, February 10, 2012

A Collage of Your Anti-Valentine's Day Offerings: The Hate I Love to Love


Act now! You can still enter my Anti-Valentine's Day Chocolate Giveaway. I will accept offerings through the weekend. Winners will be announced on V-Day. In the meantime, here's a collection of YOUR wonderfully hilarious, appropriately hateful, kind of strange, somewhat poetic, outright silly, shockingly edgy, a little bit sweet, and hysterically naughty submissions. I've linked the names to their blogs, as relevant.

To all who entered, thank you for making me laugh so much! To all who read this, I hope you enjoy these as much as I have.

In random order, and with minor tweaking (sorry, I didn't change any words. I just combined lines and added punctuation.) to consolidate space, here they are:
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 Ruth Roses are my least favorite flower. If you really gave a shit, you would never get them for me.

Keetha Broyles Roses are thorny. Chocolate is creamy. If I win this giveaway, It would be just dreamy.

Beth Roses are red. I’m feelin’ blue ’cause once again I got nothin’ from you. Yeah, V-Day’s commercial. Yeah, it’s crass. But when you forget I could kick your ass.

Dawn @Lighten Up! Roses - they suck. Violets do too. So I ain't buyin' any for you!

Meryl Roses are obnoxious, for Valentine's Day's toxic. Appeal to the unreal set of obligated shoppers who need stoppers to plug in their passion for this horrorday obsession!

Alex J.Cavanaugh Roses are... an expensive flower but not as priceless as you, Robyn!

Amanda Roses are red. I am obscene. Don't try to have sex with me. My vagina is REALLY mean.

Empty Nest Insider Roses are the easiest way for guys to show they care.
With one call they can save the day, while lying on the couch in their underwear.
*       
YeamieWaffles Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm colourblind and loathe lover's day!

Tammy Roses are dead, alone in my bed, what's a gal to do?You come along, singing my song, overtaking all reason--you could tempt me to treason (so bitter sweet). You won't hear me pout over calorie count. My shining star, I love you darling: chocolate bar.

PatTillett Roses are red. Violets are purple. I love pancakes with maple surple...

Debra Lee Roses are red , Valentines suck. I need some chocolate to change my luck!

Gorilla Bananas Roses are soft. Scissors are hard. They're going to have fun with your Valentine card.

Pat Hatt Roses are for a sucker. You give to get a pucker. Falling for commercialized crap like some silly sap. Better off with a hooker, at least you can umm "you know" her.

BossyBetty Roses are fragile. So am I. Hurt me once and I'll punch in you the eye.

Ames Roses are red, violets are blue. I only want Chocolate kisses from you. Poems suck and so does Valentine’s day. Give me some Chocolate or go away! The End

JohnMcElveen Roses are red, Violets are Blue??? Really- Valentines Day, again and again, puts undue pressure, on both Sexes, I mean can you get edible undies, for all of your Exes?

Sarah Seriously, roses are thorny and chocolates are fattening, and I hate Februry 14th, too. But one look at my so called 'love' and I'm back to the dark and fattening obsession!!

Shockgrubz  Roses are the noses, sniffing hardened heart from chest.
Thorny are the wounds, arise from delicate kisses of pain.
Deigned are my thoughts, Why me, Cupid?

MelissaBradley I hate roses. Roses are the Barbie Doll of flowers. Pretty, but empty, a floral bimbo with fake plastic charm that lasts, but an hour.

TeriVonn Roses look pretty strewn on a bed. Lovely to smell, soft to touch.
Damn thorns ...not so much.

Cal'sCanadian Cave of Coolness Roses are flowers found in bushes with barbed branches. She didn't break my heart by pushing me into that bush. Keeping the chocolate did.

Yvonne Roses are red. Violets are blue. Take me to bed and I'll devour you!

Ms.A Roses are red. Expensive and thorny. So if you receive them, he's probably ____ (?)

laughingmom Roses are stinky, They smell like old fart. I'd prefer a Twinkie, It's the way to my heart. Valentine's day ain't kinky - Cupid, keep your f*in dart!

Al Penwasser A Valentines Haiku
Roses Are 
Love, bereft of scorn
Whether a dozen or more 
Ouch! Damn frikkin' thorns!!!

and  Valentine candy is swell be it chocolates or lemon sours
But, you dumped me for Leon. So, I'll just piss on your flowers.

Beth Zimmerman Roses are red and so are my eyes when I go near them it's so unwise.
The thorns they stab me and that's no fun.
But worse ... much worse
When my nose starts to run!

28 comments:

  1. Yippee I get shown at your place
    With the anti valentines race
    Was sorta, maybe, almost, kinda, just enough, probably, okay grand
    Here at your land

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  2. Well, "Happy V-Day!" is certainly better than "Happy VD!"
    Unless chlamydia is cheaper than a Whitman Sampler and box of roses.

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  3. Whoo hoo! I love these. We, your followers certaily know how to sum up V Day with talent and incisiveness. ;)

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  4. These Valentine's Day waters are tough sailing for we poor guys.

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  5. These are great! That's some talent right there.

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  7. Good ones, unfair you come up with a giveaway when I am not around :( ...thanks Cupid, I still can make it.

    Roses are bandied everywhere/
    Watching from the sidelines/
    Nary for me sire, not even yellow/
    This woman hates red hearts/
    But not as much as her Ex//

    I gobbled all the words.... Have a great weekend.

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  8. This post was brilliant! I'm anti-valentines too. I just get my daughter something as it's more fun for kids. However you can never get enough chocolate! xo

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  9. Wow, good luck trying to select a winner! And in my defense, I'm lousy at poetry so I didn't even try.

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  10. This is not easy. I've managed it though and with one word to spare!

    Roses are cheesy in rhymes.
    But cheese makes my life sublime.
    Give me cheddar and I’ll cuddle you…
    And lots more for some ripe Danish Blue.

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  11. Pat Hatt, no fear, you've always got a place 'round here.

    Al, it's not going to stop, is it? Quit making me laugh.

    Melissa, they are amazing. Aren't they? Talented incisiveness indeed.

    Stephen, sorry, but - um - good luck to you on Tuesday. (?)

    Ruth, yes, you all should put Hallmark out of business.

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  12. MsA, yes, you've all kept me entertained with much laughter.

    Rek, very nice addition. Thank you.
    Rosalind, yours as well. I appreciate it.

    Alex, but your contribution was music to my ears and heart.

    Marnie, thanks. Good to see you here.

    xoRobyn

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  13. Such talent amongst your followers! It’s going to be a challenge for you to choose the winners. ;)

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  14. Plus chlamydia has fewer calories. Which is good, if you can get passed the itching and burning parts.

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  15. Beth, it is going to be tough. I had no idea how difficult it will be.

    Al, have you thought about med school? By that I mean, have you thought that a doctor whose finished med school might be able to help you? Silly man! Cut that out. But not literally. Unless you want to, but please don't share the photos.

    xoRobyn

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  16. Some of these are actually so good, I'd really struggle to pick out one for this, good luck to everybody though, there's some obvious winners though, some gave me a really good laugh.

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  17. pravno svetovanje [url=http://www.vzajemniskladi.info]kd vzajemni skladi[/url]

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  18. YeamieW, me too. I got a really good laugh out of a number of them.

    ComeAtMe, thanks for visiting. Glad you enjoyed them.

    Dear Anonymous: pravdotiwsy d8(#@ chovvzpk. Translation: It seems you have no name, link or actual identity. Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!

    xoRobyn

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  19. I enjoyed reading all those in one spot. So much laughter to be had for a day that is so treacherous. Thanks again for stopping in and saying "hi".

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  20. These are good!!! I need my socks back!

    Love ya,

    J

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  21. you got the best offerings, my friend.
    simply priceless!

    xoxoxo

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  22. Thanks for the honorable mention,
    I love the unabashed attention;
    Far more than a chocolate intervention.

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  23. possibly not a big fan of roses then Robyn?

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  24. Shockgrubz, yes, I'm so grateful for all the laughter that will help us endure Tuesday. Thank YOU.

    John, your socks? Did you leave them here when the lights were out? You might just need to come get them. Wink.

    Betty, I agree. I have a great, talented following.

    Julie, that's cute. I think I've ignited lots of creative juices. It's a good thing, as is a chocolate intervention.

    David, actually, they're my favorite. But they are thorny, die readily, cost a lot, and represent love which I've consistently failed miserably at. Plus I despise Valentine's Day but need more chocolate than ever right about now. But hey, Happy Valentine's Day to you.

    xoRobyn

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  25. I like these! I wish they'd cancel that day...

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