We can't ignore it any longer. Chocolate prices started skyrocketing on New Year's Day, and stores are full of mini "I LUV U" t-shirts sported by stuffed animals so hideous looking it's difficult to decipher if they're bears or armadillos. Clearly I have issues. I also hate February 14th. So I've decided to channel my V-Day venom into a noble cause: giving out chocolate to you, my readers.
I will send sweet packages to the one or two people whose entries make me laugh the loudest, with a preference for anti-Valentine's Day sentiment.
Roses are flowers found in bushes with barbed branches. She didn't break my heart by pushing me into that bush. Keeping the chocolate did.
ReplyDelete24 letters - oh yeh. Big Daddy can taste the sweet chocolate covered victory.
Cal should totally win this!
ReplyDeleteRoses are... an expensive flower but not as priceless as you, Robyn!
Alex is right, Cal should win. I hate Valentine's Day too right now, agh! Here's my not so good effort:
ReplyDeleteRoses are grey
Violets are grey.
I'm colourblind
And loathe lover's day!
First of all Alex is right. I SHOULD win this. Secondly I am appaled at his use of desperate shallow flattery. Well played, Sir.
ReplyDeleteYou guys make me blush and laugh. Love it! This is going to be difficult. I can't declare you a clear winner now Cal, I hope you understand. I've gotta get more entries. Love all your prose, flattery, poetry and nonsense, guys. THANK YOU!
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Roses are for a sucker
ReplyDeleteYou give to get a pucker
Falling for commercialezed crap
Like some silly sap
Better off with a hooker, at least you can umm "you know" her
Yeah I used more words, but I don't eat chocolate anyway, just wanted to play.
Roses are red
ReplyDeleteI am obscene
Don't try to have sex with me
My vagina is REALLY mean.
Roses are red
ReplyDeleteExpensive and thorny
So if you receive them
He's probably ____ (?)
Hmmmmm, I wonder!
Wow, they keep getting better and worse (i.e., naughty) at the same time. Great going, Pat, Amanda, and Ms.A. Thanks!
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
You had me at "chocolate giveaway"....
ReplyDeleteRoses are red, violets are blue
I only want Chocolate kisses from you.
Poems suck and so does Valentine’s day.
Give me some Chocolate or go away!
The End~Ames
Roses are my least favorite flower.
ReplyDeleteIf you really gave a shit, you would never get them for me.
Roses are red
ReplyDeleteViolets are blue
Take me to bed
and I'll devour you!
Okay, sorta lame and cheesy. But it's all I got. ha!
Roses are thorny
ReplyDeleteChocolate is creamy.
If I win this giveaway,
It would be just dreamy.
Roses are red , Valentines suck.
ReplyDeleteI need some chocolate to change my luck!
Roses are soft
ReplyDeleteScissors are hard
They're going to have fun
With your Valentine card.
I’m always up for a challenge…here’s my feeble attempt/contribution:
ReplyDeleteRoses are red
I’m feelin’ blue
’Cause once again
I got nothin’ from you
Yeah, V-Day’s commercial
Yeah, it’s crass
But when you forget
I could kick your ass
So creative - another great batch of entries! Thank you, all. I think we're almost ready to put Hallmark out of business.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Roses are stinky,
ReplyDeleteThey smell like old fart.
I'd prefer a Twinkie,
It's the way to my heart.
Valentine's day ain't kinky -
Cupid, keep your f*in dart!
A Valentines Haiku
ReplyDeleteRoses Are
Love, bereft of scorn
Whether a dozen or more
Ouch! Damn frikkin' thorns!!!
Ms. A:
ReplyDeleteCorny?
What do I win?
@laughingmom:
ReplyDeleteHeyyyyyyyyyyyy, roses don't smell like me!
Dang I just stopped in to say Hi and look what's goin on! Rogyn, I too vote for Cal although Amanda gets straight to the point. Thanks for the kind words you left on my last post. I appreciate and enjoy your site whether it's dipped in chocolate or not!
ReplyDeleteLaughing, I feel the hate. Great job.
ReplyDeleteChuck, thanks for dropping by. You're in my thoughts.
Al, an actual haiku? I'm impressed. (I don't even know what a haiku is but figured someone else might.) I told MsA "corny" must be what she's getting at. What else could it be?
Thanks for your entries, all.
xoRobyn
xoRobyn
Haiku... a Japanese word meaning a very tired (slash lazy) poet... (less lines to write) - ;)
ReplyDeleteNot being a big chocolaty fan and to save you postage, i shall kindly withdraw... but wish you all fun..
:)
A Nerd Because I Know This:
ReplyDeleteA haiku is a Japanese poem that is three lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables each.
And just because it's Japanese doesn't mean you have to mention dinosaurs. Or sex robots.
But, I guess you could.
Sex robots please me
They fulfill all my wishes
Oh, no! Godzilla!!!
NOTE: If you already knew what a haiku was, you don't need to admit it.
Thanks, Anthony.
ReplyDeleteAl, if I were to award a prize for the comment that's not an entry but makes me laugh heartily, you guessed it. This is it! Thank you.
PS I really didn't know what a haiku was/is. I just wanted to sound as though I did by suggesting someone write one.
xoRobyn
Roses look pretty strewn on a bed
ReplyDeleteLovely to smell, soft to touch
Damn thorns ...not so much
LMAO these are terrific and this is an awesome contest. I may have to enter. :)
ReplyDeleteLMAO!now i need a chocolate.
ReplyDeleteroses are expensive and thorny, my friend.
i've been unable to connect to the internet these past days, hence my late comment.
ReplyDeletexo
I'm sad I missed this. But the winners did a great job. :)
ReplyDelete