And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy Reasons #103-108: No Luck at Safeway

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Taken directly from current internet dating ads, to follow are reasons 103 through 108 for my celibate existence. My comments are in bold, as usual. I hope you enjoy. Somebody's got to!
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Reason #103: I'm the type of person that wakes up and wants to make the most of each day.I'm a morning person. Yeah, that much I gathered.

Reason #104 wants to meet me. Timing is everything almost, but with out it one is sure to let out surprising noises occasionally. Heh?? I love that 57 Plymouth Fury, I think black is better than Red. My friends drive me nuts sometimes but they keep coming back. Only good music lasts and lasts. Fog Horn Leg Horn is my friend but the Chicken Hawk is my hero. This is more than a bit concerning. I feed my cat raw chicken legs and fish. I think the government is the personification of evil. My best gift is the gift of choice and only real possession. I love bomb sniffing dogs and don’t believe in airport searches. Have I hypnotized you yet? Email me as soon as you finish reading (snap).Sure thing. Excuse me while I go start reading War and Peace (Snap).

Reason #105: I'm hoping to meet a fantastic woman. I have never tried on line find a mate but I'm not having any luck at safeway. Did you try squeezing the melons with a curious look on your face? Some ladies fall for that one.

Reason #106: i like the arts and what they offer i like to draw my self. It’s nice to have a self portrait around. i am a dependible person and have a good job so can take care of my self would never ask for finacial help not me.! Not me either, dear.! Asking for finacial help is kinda fishy and doesn’t bring in the dollars. like to have a good time and know how to have one too. like most music more than others dont like the hate music that is out there. I don’t like the hate music my self. Not me.!

Reason #107: This seems to be waay to difficult!!! I hear yaa, babe!!! Still, no earthling is likely to respond to this ad. You might want to add a sentence or five.

Reason #108: I am a cowboy, I have been in the livestock business in one aspect or another since I was a boy. It's not my livelyhood right now, but I do spend a fair amount of time horseback taking care of a few cows. And I still have strong ties to the livestock industry. And NO, I do not know George Strait, so I can not introduce you. Well, hot damn, cowboy! What good are you?

12 comments:

  1. I don't know what's funnier, these peeps or your comments. I love I like to draw myself and the one liner guy. WTH?

    Thanks, needed this laugh tonight :)

    FourthGradeNothing.com

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  2. Are these items for real? You can understand why these guys are still looking, can't you! And who loves bomb sniffing dogs (I thought for a start it was the guy who loved sniffing the dogs but then, when I worked it out, it still sounded toooo weird!)

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  3. Oh my word. "my self" "on line"??? I honestly don't think I could make up such horribly funny ones if I tried. Your comments get me every time!

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  4. Been working with livestock all his life... No comment

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  5. i love your new layout.


    this is great :)
    xo

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  6. What have you got against Chicken Hawk?!! LOL!!!

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  7. Phenomenal--will you be my Melon Coly Baby?

    Now THAT's a pick up line right there!

    Love ya Robyn!

    J

    I Like to draw myself, draw myself, pick up a pen and Draw myself! Dang-- I HATE that Song!

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  8. #106 and that picture are both perfect and hilarious. These entries are the best ones yet! xo

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  9. I'm not sure which parts are funnier, their ads, or your comments. Put them both together and it's hilarious!

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  10. I think Jack Wayne impersonator is the best option...he is honest and may give you free riding lessons not to mention a week or too at a ranch.
    #104 and #107 both scared me, for different reasons
    #101 I am a owl....and I hoot at crows and cocks...
    loved these as usual. have a nice Tgif tomo.

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  11. Oh wow. Number 2 and the last are probably my favorite. That is just ridiculous.

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  12. That's too funny. What a tough dating world!! Geez. Nice meeting you at the In Mo Party & I look forward to reading more of your blog!

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