1) The cop who pulled Jesse James over for speeding, only to let him off the hook when James whined about losing Sandra, in favor of a walking Nazi tattoo who weighs 50 pounds.
4) Elin Nordegen. Three months since she tried to beat him – oops, excuse the typo. I mean since she tried to rescue him from a crashed vehicle - with a golf club, she’s still there to play Tiger’s happy wife. Here’s hoping you have a plan we don’t know about, girlfriend. Perhaps it involves a driving iron, a big pair of scissors, and Lorena Bobbit’s “How To” book.
5) Kate Gosselin. Okay lady with a sturdy uterus, you had our sympathy when party boy John left you with your, um, 8 kids. Did you forget that you have, um, 8 kids? Did you forget that you have even one child? Who’s watching the little soccer team while you pretend to dance on TV? Might that be…drumroll please..
6) Brangelina? Note: No explanation is forthcoming as to why Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are combined in #6, or in this universe. I’m rather sick of seeing their faces on every magazine cover in every rack in every store in every corner of the universe, or, at least, within a 5 mile radius of my little home for the past decade.
8) The f*n b*tard in a Mercedes who rode my ass, err, my car's derriere, on the freeway this evening. We were in rush hour traffic, in the rain, and the f*n b*tard in a Mercedes kept flicking his high beams on and off. It seems I wasn’t driving fast enough at 75mph. I mean 64.5mph. I would certainly not break the law and admit to it on my blog. I wonder if the f*n b*tard in a Mercedes saw my signal (i.e. one of my fingers,the longest one that's in the middle of my left hand). I just now stopped pointing it upward, and I’ve been home for hours.
10) YOU NOMINATE #10. Go foolishly wild here. Feel free to nominate yourself even, if you're a fool. Person with the winning nomination will get unending foolish recognition.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY TIME!