Sunday, March 7, 2010

Status Quo: Rude Awakening

He and I were lost in a long embrace. I was thoroughly enjoying the moment, along with my fantasies about where things were going. My body jolts. My eyelids shoot open. “Bay Bridge traffic is backed up to the MacArthur maze,” the deep voiced, unaffected announcer informs. That f*ckin’ bastard! It’s 7:34am. Time to get up. I yawn. I yawn again. My feet are cold. My hair’s a mess. I want more sleep. My brain starts to simmer, firing off a few unpleasant sound bites through my system: “work,” “get up,” “go to.” If I try for another ounce of romance, er sleep, I won’t wake up ‘til noon. My brain is sharp now. It gets me. My body rebels. "I am blessed to have a job..Blessed I am..Move that tuchas.” (Note: tuchas=cutesy Yiddish word for ass. Even when I’m semi-alert, I like to keep Yiddish alive.) The body undergoes the physical challenges of pushing itself out of bed and into a somewhat vertical posture. I throw clothes on that might not completely clash in the daylight. I do my standard 4.75 second make-up job. (Not to brag, but I could pass for someone who spends 2 seconds or less on make-up.) I think “food” because, well, I always think food. I find myself in the kitchen, pouring a bowl of shredded wheat. Try it with milk, the awakening brain suggests. I open the fridge door. No, not that one. That’s the microwave. Try again. I think I can. I think I can. Fridge. Milk. Morning. Romance stifled by rude awakening. Status quo.

16 comments:

  1. Lol, the tragedy of mornings. I love the narrative on this one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So the cowboy types who use the word "tookus" actually stole it from the Jews? Amazing! As is your preference for shredded wheat over cocoa puffs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dang, girl! I'm impressed with the application speed of your makeup! It takes me days. Then again, I have a multitude of sins to cover... and age spots.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What, no chocolate? What a boring breakfast. I bet you were sleepy all day

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have a friend who can actually apply eyeliner and mascara while driving and not looking in a mirror. That my friend is talent - I can't even imagine! Man, today I woke up before my hubs and I don't even have a job to go to... I miss those days! Happy Monday!

    Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

    ReplyDelete
  6. The zero makeup thing (I think) is one of the big perks to being a dude. Kudos for working in Yiddush and Shredded Wheat to a rem (fantasy dreaming) cycle – truly impressive.
    Who's the he? haha.

    ReplyDelete
  7. GB and Uber, you are so right. What the hell am I thinking (clearly, I'm not!) in the morns. Chocolate might get my tuchas out of bed faster too. Thanks!

    GB, enlightening point about "took us." Those farshinkener (stinky, disgusting) cowboys stole our language. The history books (clearly written by anti-Semites) neglect to mention this. Thanks, silly ape.

    Make-up and I don't get along, especially mascara. I bypass it altogether. Even the "waterproof, non-runny" versions make me look like Alice Cooper. I prefer the more shlumpy (I made that word up, don't go to Wikipedia) au natural look + maximize the sleep. Ms. A, I have lots of the same. I just don't care.

    Happy Monday, friends!
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mornings just suck don't they? I'm voting them off the island.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Shredded wheat? Uh.... I never eat breakfast in the morning, except on the weekends. I call them my breakfast parties. There's always enough food to feed a crowd. I'm not a greedyguts, I'm just compensating :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love the keeping Yiddish alive part!! eh on the Shredded wheat though..wink

    ReplyDelete
  11. "(Not to brag, but I could pass for someone who spends 2 seconds or less on make-up.) I think “food” because, well, I always think food. " These two lines made me laugh!!:)

    Your morning looks a lot like my mornings..especially the wrestling over whether or not I want to get up..even though I have no choice! I'd gladly sleep it in until 11AM!!!;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. so there's no 'real' guy in bed? bummer. i was hoping you would skip work to stay in bed with him.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dang work for getting in the way of good sleep fantasies!

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think tuchas is one opf my fav Yiddish words. I also like to say mischpucha when I talk about the fam and I think I use kvetch and goyim a lot since I am married to one:)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Kristy, the tribe has spoken. Mornings must go! I like it.

    DDG and IS, I eat like a piggy the rest of the day, so I go easy in the morns.

    Thanks Canadian Sarah. My favorite line is when I call the radio announcer a f*kin bastard.

    Local Sarah, me too. Damnit.

    Yes, dang (and other unfavorable words) work and life for getting in the way of one's fantasies.

    Lisa Marie, I love it all! Oy. Yiddish has so much personality. It's meshugehah!

    Cocoa puffs, bagels, and lox to all!
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete