Spring has sprung. The birds tweet in perfect harmony, and the flowers radiate their brilliance. Love, blessed love, fills the air with its magical sense of passion and hope. The bees are, well, doing their thing too. And yada yada. You get the picture, right?
Anyhow, it’s clearly the idyllic time for me to endure, I mean to experience the rich rewards of, another BDFH (i.e. blind date from hell). I figure by shortening the term, they won’t seem to drag out so damn long in reality. It’s desperate and irrational, yes. At this juncture, so am I.
So there I sat in the local coffee shop. The phone chat had been quite pleasant. I liked what I learned: he’s an accomplished writer, well traveled, financially stable, and seemed competent at the two-way discourse thing. The basics were covered.
Anyhow, it’s clearly the idyllic time for me to endure, I mean to experience the rich rewards of, another BDFH (i.e. blind date from hell). I figure by shortening the term, they won’t seem to drag out so damn long in reality. It’s desperate and irrational, yes. At this juncture, so am I.
So there I sat in the local coffee shop. The phone chat had been quite pleasant. I liked what I learned: he’s an accomplished writer, well traveled, financially stable, and seemed competent at the two-way discourse thing. The basics were covered.
Studying his internet photo, well, I was able to convince myself he’s kind of cute. That is, when I squinted and imagined an actual hairline, decent set of teeth, and different face. But looks don’t matter, right? He seemed nice. His charming personality would surely captivate me. Plus, it's spring time. Everything is just as wonderful as can be. Days are full of hope and change and all things beautiful and lovely and all of that bullcrap.
Getting back to the BDFH, I knew it immediately. In fact, I knew as soon as I saw him opening the door to the coffee house. I knew that looks don't matter. Still, I greeted him with cheer.
“What would you like to drink?” he immediately asked, flaunting his generous offer to buy me a beverage. Note, the dude had suggested this coffee house, as he doesn’t eat at this "late hour" (i.e., after 6pm). Oy. Knowing he owns a home in a prestigious part of Berkeley, a cup of tea was not likely to set him back. “These are together,” he announced proudly to the cashier when she placed both of our drinks on the counter. He then dug into his wallet and whipped out some frequent coffee card type things. (I don’t know what they were. I was too embarrassed to look in that direction.) Generosity had reached an embarrassing low.
“You don’t want some chocolate? I’m surprised.” He teased. I retorted, “No thanks” with my sweet, charming authentically fraudulent smile that I plastered on my innocent face for the dreaded 90 minutes that ensued. The thing is, dear reader, we all know that I live for chocolate. Its curative, comforting and orgasmic inducing aspects are effective in all but one particular forum: the BDFH. The BDFH does not promote chocolate’s full potential. In fact, I enjoy chocolate the most when I am alone, having made it through another BDFH.
To be continued. Sorry, but the BDFH is, by nature, dragged out to the fullest extent of one's tolerance. Besides, it's springtime. Be happy!
Getting back to the BDFH, I knew it immediately. In fact, I knew as soon as I saw him opening the door to the coffee house. I knew that looks don't matter. Still, I greeted him with cheer.
“What would you like to drink?” he immediately asked, flaunting his generous offer to buy me a beverage. Note, the dude had suggested this coffee house, as he doesn’t eat at this "late hour" (i.e., after 6pm). Oy. Knowing he owns a home in a prestigious part of Berkeley, a cup of tea was not likely to set him back. “These are together,” he announced proudly to the cashier when she placed both of our drinks on the counter. He then dug into his wallet and whipped out some frequent coffee card type things. (I don’t know what they were. I was too embarrassed to look in that direction.) Generosity had reached an embarrassing low.
“You don’t want some chocolate? I’m surprised.” He teased. I retorted, “No thanks” with my sweet, charming authentically fraudulent smile that I plastered on my innocent face for the dreaded 90 minutes that ensued. The thing is, dear reader, we all know that I live for chocolate. Its curative, comforting and orgasmic inducing aspects are effective in all but one particular forum: the BDFH. The BDFH does not promote chocolate’s full potential. In fact, I enjoy chocolate the most when I am alone, having made it through another BDFH.
To be continued. Sorry, but the BDFH is, by nature, dragged out to the fullest extent of one's tolerance. Besides, it's springtime. Be happy!
Can't even imagine the dating scene! (and I still have a good imagination, which is about ALL I have left)
ReplyDeleteSo is he Jewish? Does he have his own teeth? Let's cut to the chase here.
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting a smile on my face! And people wonder why I'm hesitant to reenter the dating scene!!!
ReplyDeleteLaughing WITH you not AT you!!! Been through a few BDFH's myself...OMG!!! You described this perfectly, it was as if I was there with you!!! But maybe you should have let him buy a great hunk of chocolate, that way you could laugh even more at home alone enjoying it while replaying the date---er scratch that,, don't replay it!!
ReplyDeleteYou'll find "your's"....You are FANTASTIC!!!!
This is great! LOL.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me-if he had asked you to pay for the coffee that would have been an even worse start to the date.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you in bad dating land, we're a little tribe!
You cut off again. Just when you were starting to get to the meat of the story. These are some mean tactics. lol
ReplyDeleteI shall await the next part of the BDFH
Remember, you need to go on lots of BDFHs before you get the BDFH (heaven).
ReplyDeleteMs. A., it really is quite unimaginable, even while going through it.
ReplyDeleteGB, yes to the first part, and I assume so to the second. (I think false teeth would look a lot whiter and straighter.)
Ca88, IS, PC, and Jenn, thanks for commiserating and laughing WITH me. Hugs in sisterhood to you all!
TS, warning: it's all downhill from here, my friend.
CB, I've been on lots more than lots, millions it seems. I'm probably only talking about half a dozen, though. Nonetheless, that "H" holds firm to its identity. Damn stubborn letter!
Happy spring.
Robyn
I sure am glad that I met my wife and married her when I did! lol
ReplyDeleteI read very few posts about wonderful blind dates....
I do like how you found out so much about him in the introductory call.... Accomplished writer, well traveled, financially stable.... Were those his exact vague words? Or did he go into more detail?
How did he drop so quickly from hero to zero?
Very good questions and observations, ABAO, my friend. I don't think I'll be ready to post part 2 until tomorrow night. That hero to zero thing IS perplexing. Then again, so is my discretion (or lack thereof). :) Some people can be suave over the phone but not in person or vice versa. Oy..I could go on.
ReplyDeleteI'll stop by saying I'm very happy for you and your wife!
Robyn
Aww Robyn, dating really sucks sometimes doesn't it? Although I have to admit that reading everyone else's tales of dating woe makes me feel just that bit less miserable about my own! We all just seem to keep on meeting those darn frogs instead of the princes!
ReplyDeleteTuppence
x
http://tuppennytales.blogspot.com
Ah damn it! Poor honey!! One day, you'll find the diamon in the rough..I'm keeping hope that a few exist!!:) Is the guy with the red beard still taken?
ReplyDeleteStories such as this have kept me thus far from online dating, tempted though I may have been. Your uncomfortable encounter made for a very enjoyable read, though. So thanks!
ReplyDeleteWow...I didn't see this until today. I'm going to reserve comment until I read #2...
ReplyDelete