Sunday, March 20, 2016

Online Dating, Sloths, and A-Z Reveal


Remember Einstein, breeder and milker of sloths? He's hard to forget, and he wrote back. Try as I might to keep the exchange sloth-relevant, he's been attempting human conversation. Yet a sloth would be more entertaining. Here's our recent email discourse:

Einstein, Mar 10: I'm back from Florida done with all of my training!!! I got a new breeding pair of sloths!!! How have you been???
Me, Mar 10: Florida? I imagine it's ripe for sloth breeding and milking. I mean, sloths love to hang out in the tropics. Very cool! Were you trained on new breeding or milking techniques? Do share. I'm doing well, just a bit slowed down by the rain. It makes tree-climbing trickier, but I'm developing hearty biceps, so that's a good thing. Cheers and happy slothing, Robyn

Einstein, Mar 16: Hello how is your day going???
Me, Mar 16: Some moments have been slow and sloth-like, other times I'm frazzled. How about your day?

Einstein, Mar 17: My day was super busy as usual but enjoyable. Any plans for the day?
Me, Mar 17: I work full-time. Heading out soon for a local Open Mic. Happy St. Pat's Day! Robyn

Einstein, Mar 18: How was open mic night!!!!
Me, Mar 19: It was fun how was your evening!!

And that was the "excitement" of my "dating" life these days.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
     Now, with more apologies than I mustered last year when Martha Stewart attempted to sex-up the place...We can't avoid seeing him. Yet the mere thought of him provokes worldwide nausea, untamed rage, fevered cynicism, and chilling heartache. His skills are limited to: stroking his own ego and perhaps his favorite body part--which we're assured is of sufficient size, and vomiting stupidity and hate. But wait! He CAN sport a new line of A-Z-dos. Perhaps the images will help ease the sight of him. 
      Yes, folks, Donald Trump agreed to host my A-Z Challenge. He said something about sending the bill to Mexico. I said, "No, dude, it's pro bono." To this, Trump said, whilst grabbing his crotch, "Oh I'm a pro. Believe me. All the women on my show, the one that NBC fired me from 'cuz they're stupid f*ckers, said 'What a big bono you have, Mr. Trump'!" 

Tune in next month, as Donald Trump models an alphabet's worth of hairdos. 
For example, he'll show us the Ivana-do for "I."

Note that I wouldn't display these alphabetized Trump-dos if I didn't have faith in the ultimate Trump-lose. He will lose. Keep faith. And in the meantime, let us laugh at his expense. Shall we?

Keep a smile and a stash of good chocolate, my dear sillies.
Take care of yourselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Final note: As I inch closer to 50 reviews on Amazon for Woman on the Verge of Paradise, I beg. If you read and reviewed my book, I love you. A lot. If you read but didn't review it, please do. I'll love you more. If you haven't read but are willing to give it a whirl and then write a review on Amazon, I'll gladly show my love for you by sending a free copy (e-book or signed paperback). Please email me at Rawknrobyn@aol.com. Thank you kindly!

62 comments:

  1. Oh dear. I am not sure I am strong enough for twenty-six Trump posts. I am not certain there is enough chocolate in the world either.

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    1. I'll forward you some from my emergency stash as soon as we hit M, EC. No worries.

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  2. I remember Ivana! She had a rather sulky face, as I recall. Has she shed any light on the bigness of The Donald? Not that you'd particularly want that to be illuminated.

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    1. Well, GB, the fact that she departed that marriage with a smile says it all.

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  3. All I know is TRUMP is going to be here, Ivana know more... if it's not funny "YOU'RE FIRED"... or should we say "TOUPEE OR NOT TOUPEE, that is the question.

    Jeremy

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    1. Not toupee, Jeremy. Anything but the toupee. Wait, what am I saying? I have no idea.

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  4. Those just might be funnier than last year's posts.
    Neither side can win. I think we are in for a real standoff.

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  5. I love your optimism girl....that there will be an ultimate Trump-lose. I am still reeling from the fact he is even in the race. But I will hang around to see the A-Z challenge. Should be fun.

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  6. I really hope he loses. For everyone's sakes.

    Love to see what do's you're going to come up with. :-)

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  7. OHMYGOSH...this is going to be fun. And funny! Although you might get sued by him, Robyn :)

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    1. He said something about suing Mexico for this one, Martha. What a dolt!

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  8. Bring it on, Robyn. I'm ready. I think.

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  9. I'm glad you are confident that he's going to lose because I'm scared to death he's going to win. The amount of supporters he has is shocking and scary.

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    1. It is, JoJo. But the media (which he owns) is very much skewing the picture. The numbers are far and away in the Dems favor.

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  10. I've never laughed so hard at the concept of "pro bono" before! What a brilliant concept for your A-Z Challenge host!

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  11. Trump will go down in flames, works for me. Won't be as scary as Martha view wise I hope lol Wowweeee, with online dating convo like that, it's no wonder sloths are on the brain.

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  12. Robyn, well, that is a unique theme. Good luck with the challenge.

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  13. only you can make me look forward to a month of daily Trumpisms. This shall be a doozy of a blog month - let's have fun.

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  14. Too funny. Maybe he can wear a sloth at some point?

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  15. Will he comment on Hillary Clinton's dog barking fiasco? I truly believe that it has been covered up by the media and should be properly analyzed. If Trump had barked he would still be criticized for it today. Will tune in for all the Trump and ego bumping.

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  16. Oh my! A whole month of Trump! That's downright scary, but I'm sure you will make it hilarious.

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  17. Geez, Robyn. No offense to Einstein,but being married and 2000 miles away I could give you a better date!
    Trump: the boil on the ass of humanity.

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  18. I can't wait! I mean, how can you ever make fun of such a classy guy.

    (Perhaps Trump will be what pulls us back together as Americans...common enemies are good for that, ya know?)

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  19. The 2 most frightening words in the English language: President Trump!!

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  20. Your theme sounds hilarious! Am not an American, but still scared silly that Trump will win.

    Have a great A-Z,
    Best wishes.
    Nilanjana.
    Madly-in-Verse

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  21. Lol. XD Hilarious theme! And I hope, as a foreigner, that he does loose. Watching this entire thing unfold has been quite trippy...

    @TarkabarkaHolgy from
    The Multicolored Diary
    MopDog

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  22. Know everyone is going to have fun visiting your blog in April. Your hard work to prepare your posts pay off. I know. This is my 4th year. I like this opportunity to visit the theme reveals starting today. See you in April.

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  23. I think you could do an A to Z just on that hair. I am going to love this:)

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  24. I wish I shared your confidence that Trump will lose.

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    1. Me, too. And that is STRIKING coming from me.

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    2. Yes, the GOP is self-destructing and falling deeper and deeper into a darkness. But them Dems, I tell ya, them Dems are going to take it - one way or the other. We know which way I want 'em to take it. #Bernbabybern!

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  25. The thing that every parent fears hearing from their children: " I voted for Trump." Looking forward to your posts and hope you are right about him losing.

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  26. Dump the Trump, but only after Robyn has her go with him!

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  27. I feel I must high five you, if only in comment form.
    I really want to vote "not trump" in Nov. Like, yeah, vote for who I want, but then also vote "or anyone except trump." That should be an option. Not only vote in favor but also against.

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    1. Right. They should just have a drive-through voting window, whereby you shout "Not Trump!" and that's counted as your order/vote.

      High five to you too, and thanks for visiting, Jamie.

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  28. This is going to be the best A to Z diet ever! 26 straight days of intense vomiting from having to stare at that moron's disgusting mug. That beats milking sloths any day.

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  29. I hope you realize Trump is the candidate who, if elected, is most capable of settling (by dissolution of superfluous intervening real estate) the Canada-Mexico border dispute!

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    1. That's a hard, hard argument to counter, Geo. You get today's Best Comment Award! Nicely played and very witty.

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  30. Geo's comment is priceless. I do not think America is ready for a president who always looks as if he has just opened a really hot oven.

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    1. Good point, Keith. He's an orange mofo, that's for sure.

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  31. Still having trouble getting my head wrapped around that whole "sloth milking" thing. Think I'll think Trump.
    Naw, sloths make more sense.

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    1. They're much easier on the eyes too. And they work hard, and they're more intelligent and they don't piss on everyone - just whomever happens to be under them once every seven days.

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  32. Loving this theme, sounds like it's going to be hilarious :)
    Debbie

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    1. I hope so, Debbie. That's my goal. Thanks for the visit.

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  33. I pray you are right about Trump not getting the nod. Sounds like a very timely and fun theme! And who on earth raises sloths anyway?
    Revisit the Tender Years with me at
    Life & Faith in Caneyhead

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    1. Only I would encounter a sloth raiser and breeder. Who knew there was money to be made in that venture. Are the rest of us in the wrong line of work?

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  34. Have you ever seen the Dax Shepard-Kristin Bell (probably didn't spell their names correctly and don't care; you can find them) video of him surprising her with a visit from a sloth on her birthday? It's adorable. They're so cute. I want to stab someone because they are so cute. I hope they don't get divorced like all the other celeb couples, unless Dax falls in love with me. I like him. You should google sloth video Kristin Bell. It was on Ellen Degeneres's show. I think I spelled her name wrong, too, but I'm so tired I dan't keer. Whom mjust I fuck er pay to git in yer list of favorite bloggers? it really really drives me crazy that i'm not on that list, Tina

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Haha, oh, I know. I have to add you. I will, I promise. I've been lazy about working on my blog layout and stuff. It's enough to blog, but to change lists and things - sheesh. Sorry, Amy. I do love you, though. I'll look up that damn cute couple.

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  35. What a fun theme!

    Janie sent me over here to read and review Woman on the Verge of Paradise. I'd be happy to help you out! Here's my email address: sherry.a.ellis@gmail.com

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  36. Here's my political prediction - write this down: not Clinton or Trump. They are sneaking in Kasich...mmhmm. I'm telling ya! Okay, that's enough conspiracy for one day.

    You are a brave soul, an entire month of Trump posts? You're gonna need a truck load of chocolate!! Maybe he'll pay for it. Maybe Martha can send some?

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  37. April will be full of laughs. Fun theme!

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  38. I think you talked more about sloths in that exchange than he did :P

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    1. I know, Michael. The dude was trying to have actual conversation. I wanted to talk SLOTHS, SLOTHS, SLOTHS! Can you believe how crazy this on-line dating thing gets?

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  39. This should be a hilarious theme! Definitely one for the record books too because I've never seen anything close to it for themes for past A/Z! Good luck!

    betty
    http://viewsfrombenches.blogspot.com/2016/03/its-that-time-again.html

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  40. How great! I am just imagining the posts! I will have to check back in April to see some of the hairdos. I will also be keeping the faith with you that he will lose! Cassie from Mommy, RN

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  41. Haha! I love that you're trolling him! It's hilarious!!

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