~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #351:
LIBERALS
NEED NOT SEND A MESSAGE CAUSE I WILL BLOCK YOU…Thank goodness!...NO HIPPIES EITHER OF FAT GIRLS...No? How about hippies of skinny guys like Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, or
Quagmire? Giggity giggity!
REASON #352:
hopless
romantic looking for love
Hopless?
You walk with a limp? You’re allergic to beer? Or is scooting more your thing?
REASON #353:
My
spoon is too big!!!
Sorry,
babe, but that doesn’t make up for an extra small egg-beater.
REASON #354:
Are
pickles a vegetable?
I
don’t know, but they work better than bananas.
REASON #355:
I'M
a very good skateboarder
Now,
that’s what I’m looking for in a man over 40!
REASON #356:
Hear
I am
Um?
I sea that.
REASON #357:
Squirters
are fun if tasteful
Sweetie,
let me break it down for you like this: It’s never tasteful.
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Keep a smile, my friends!
Alone is less lonely, and infinitely more hygenic it seems. And definitely more literate.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! "LIBERALS NEED NOT SEND A MESSAGE CAUSE I WILL BLOCK YOU...NO HIPPIES EITHER OF FAT GIRLS" brings back great memories. In my hippie days I dated two girls who outweighed me. The "either of" choice was made for me as one became conservative and has just retired from the military; the other wisely married one of my best friends. I am still a liberal and glad I "NEED NOT SEND A MESSAGE" to whomever considers it vital to his personal involution.
ReplyDeleteToo funny, Geo. It's probably best you didn't end up with a woman who outweighs you. Right?
DeleteAw, I've run into them both since the '60s and they're still beautiful.
DeleteNow the spoon guy is interesting. Maybe he needed a very big spoon because he used to a mouth like Kermit the Frog, but then had an operation to get it reduced to a normal size. 'How big is your mouth?' is the question someone should ask.
ReplyDeleteSorry it's so pathetic out there.
ReplyDeleteare you sure about the skateboarder? Hmmm. That's probably the only mode of transportation, so yes, you are correct to not pursue the wind in your hair and baggy pants. Great list - good chuckle for me on a Monday. Enjoy the week
ReplyDelete*fanning myself* How do I choose just one?
ReplyDeleteDo people just not spellchekc? hahaha
"Sorry, babe, but that doesn’t make up for an extra small egg-beater." HAHAHA! Your responses are just as hilarious.
ReplyDeleteBlah, curled my nose up at the last one haha maybe the skateboarder is Tony Hawk rich? Then it wouldn't be so bad.
ReplyDeleteEw. No. Just no. That first one with the no liberals, hippies or fat chicks....that attitude steams me and I would love to send him a diatribe about what a loser he is.
ReplyDeleteWhen are we gonna get Part 3 of the 'dropped matzoh ball' story?
Thanks for asking, JoJo. I was discouraged by the fact that my series' stories always get less reads as they continue. But I'll finish it - for you - soon. And I didn't post all of that jerk's rant. It was too infuriating.
DeleteOkay, so the "My spoon is too big" line is a reference to the Don Hertzfeld animated short "Rejected." The proper response to that line is "I am a banana." I would also accept "I'm the queen of France." Fantastically twisted short film.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuOvqeABHvQ
That's hilarious, especially because it's labeled "Rejected for Oscar's best movie."
DeleteOh my. The list of losers just gets longer every week. Being alone definitely seems like a positive if these are the other options. Hope you have a great week, Robyn! :)
ReplyDeleteYour pickle answer was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteREASON #352:
ReplyDeletehopless romantic looking for love
Yep, this one's for me. The older I get, the less I feel like hopping into bed or onto anything/anyone. However with short legs there's a short fall.
What an idiot!
Reason #351...see? That's EXACTLY the type of idiocy I was talking about in Facebook. To completely reject someone for what they are without taking the time to know WHO they are...ay, yi, yi.
ReplyDeleteToo much serious stuff today...
Pull my finger?
I ain't falling for that one again, Al.
DeleteSilly man.
Those are some of the best reasons not to interact with someone that I have ever witnessed. How about, "I want a lady by day and a $10 hooker by night." If I am ever widowed I swear I will never date (at least in the conventional sense).
ReplyDeleteThat's what they'd write if they could spell 'lady', Jono. It's pretty sad out there.
DeleteLove reason #356. I love your sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Stephen. I love your sense of humor too.
DeleteOne word...DUMBASSES!
ReplyDeleteHaha. True. And they'd likely be complimented if we told them so.
Delete351 should have led off with his dress code and went from there. Then he could have been deleted before he had to shout.
ReplyDelete357- REALLY? Was this a dating site or Craigslist?
LOL. The only difference, CW, is that he would've included a graphic photo of a squirter - if it was Craigslist.
DeleteThat last one left a sour taste in my mouth.....maybe that person should get together with Mr. Pickle?
ReplyDeleteI think I'd probably take a skateboarder over a 40 year old+ moped driver. Those moped drivers are guaranteed drunks ;)
ReplyDeletehaha classic - Possibly my favourite series.. very clever, hilarious and frightening! allergic to beer baahhaaaa
ReplyDeleteAs an authority on pickles (not pickling), pickles are mummified corpses of a vegetable. Now, I'm married, but even reading these makes me want to remove all sexual desires, make me asexual!
ReplyDeleteMy apologies to your spouse, Pickleope Von Pickleope. I might suggest he/she/it try a banana.
DeleteThe only thing worse than a middle-aged skateboarder is a middle-aged guy wearing his ball cap reversed like he's still 13. Time to grow up, guys!
ReplyDeleteMr. Pickle should get extra points for spelling, but he's probably a cucumber wannabe. Glad you put him, and all the other duds in their place, Robyn!
ReplyDeleteJulie
I have to hear "I am" all of the time, it's getting pretty old!
ReplyDeleteMaybe hopless guy meant that the string of bad luck in romance has taken the string out of his step? Poor guy... ;)