For weeks, I buried my feelings during shared breakfast smoothies following romantic sleepovers, bbq dinners at George's place, and snuggle-time for the purpose of watching Millionaire Matchmaker. We even took a merry trip to Lake Tahoe. There, George and I played in the snow, ate at buffets, toured the town, ate at buffets, shared a cozy hotel room and yada yada, and we ate at buffets.
On the drive home from Tahoe, though, a surge of emotions struck. A silent waterfall of tears scurried down my face. "I love him, but he doesn't love me," I thought. "Stop it. You're always too negative," I re-thought. "Yeah, but he never expresses his feelings," I counter-thought. And so on. And then I'd stop crying. But then I'd start again. I positioned myself to look out the window and managed to stop long enough, after stretches of time, to chat a bit: "You doing okay with the drive? The snow looks beautiful."
Yet memories and questions badgered me--my ex-husband and the insurmountable pain that resulted from our fall-out, the fact that George hadn't even called me his girlfriend yet, and the timing of the whole thing. It'd been six weeks. Isn't that enough time? When does a matzo ball expire?
Alas, the long drive was over. I dropped my bag on George's hallway floor, when he noticed that I'd been crying. "What's wrong?" his tone conveyed warmth and nervousness.
to be continued.
What a heartfelt read.
ReplyDeleteIf you played together in the snow you were definitely his girlfriend, Robyn. George must have had a problem with saying certain words.
ReplyDeleteI bet the buffets were gearing George up for the full on champagne lobster sit down meal. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteI can see the scene. :( Emotions are rough. I'm never dating again after my divorce is final, and I'm happy to say it. I've put enough 'in' without getting enough 'out.' I'm ready to be single and at peace.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Congratulations, Rosey.
Deletewasn't my choice, Robyn. I'd have never opted for a divorce. But now that it was forced on me, I can see that once I get up the hill (and boy what a hill to get financially stable again), it's all going to be better than okay. :)
DeleteSorry. Bet the tears finally got to him though. They are my wife's secret weapon.
ReplyDeleteThey are a force to be reckoned with. A woman is smart and savvy. At least me and your wife are, Alex. Smiles.
DeleteI'm so sorry Robyn. I'm looking forward to the next chapter though to see what happened after he asked you!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. So hard to know what to do, to care so much, and just be out there (in tears).
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so sorry. * lots of hugs * Lots...
ReplyDeleteAw. Men can be so clueless.
ReplyDeleteYou get your money's worth at buffets if you load your plate up just right. Sorry. Just trying to think like a guy on date.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when it's all-you-can-eat!
DeleteGeorge sounds a bit umm slow on the uptake, or he was pretending not to notice.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping this ends well.
ReplyDeleteStill sorry it was the wrong matzoh ball that was dropped. Mr. Damn-liberals-who-want-governmental-control" shouldn't have escaped the table with his own matzoh balls intact!
ReplyDeleteI like it, Mitchell. You're so right (and so left). Kudos to you for the best comment here.
DeleteBeing one not to toss matzoh balls lightly, I feel his pain a little. Get an I love you from me, and it's more binding than a contract with the devil.
ReplyDeleteAw, love you too, Missy.
DeleteGenerally, women need to express their feelings and emotions and men are nearly incapable of this. It's not uncommon to hear a man say to his mate, " I told you once that I love you. If anything changes I'll let you know." Most of us are just insensitive assholes so it takes a bit to pry anything out of us and fear of commitment is scarier than most war zones. I know this doesn't help, but it is the unfortunate reality in many cases. A bit of liquor can loosen us up, but don't give us so much that we "don't remember."
ReplyDeleteAw, gee. It's tough feeling so vulnerable and not receiving back what you are anticipating. :(
ReplyDeleteOh boy....I feel for you and have been there. Knowing this man is not in your life any more makes me ill what you went through. Amazing how we hide our tears
ReplyDeleteAs bad as the story seems to be going, the frog meme was FANTASTIC!
ReplyDeleteHaha. It's a fun graphic. Glad you enjoyed it, CW. Who doesn't like a little Kermie?
DeleteHeart breaking. Other than that, I don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteWow - hugs, kisses, and I hope this turns out... well better than Miss Piggy's tail/tale.
ReplyDeleteThis post reminded me that our gut is ALWAYS right. If we are thinking to ourselves, "This guy just doesn't feel the same as I do," chances are HE DOESN'T.
ReplyDeleteSteve Harvey wrote a really good book called ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN. It was eye-opening for me, and I bet it is for you, too. One of the things Mr. Harvey said was that if a man doesn't introduce you as his girlfriend, you're NOT. There are very telltale signs that happen when a man loves you and that is most definitely one of them.
This post reminds me that I should read that book again, because it was like reading "the playbook" of the other team. And that is information a woman needs!
Yes, you're right, Robin. So is Steve Harvey. I remember when he came out with that book. It's good advice. And yet, even though I know to listen to my gut, I don't end things in the moment. Relationships are so darn complicated, especially when love and sex are tossed into the equation.
DeleteRobyn, all I know --probably because men are not complicated mechanisms-- is that I find you lovable. You're lovely, intelligent, experienced in doing good in the world, a total kick and I learn from you. Promise me you won't base your self esteem on one expired matzo ball.
ReplyDeleteOh, Geo, you're words are precious. Thank you so much. No, I definitely did not, and don't, base my self-esteem on one expired matzo ball. Love to you.
Delete"your". Ugh. Still correcting typos, too, in Woman on the Verge. If I had a penny for every typo, I'd have a lot of pennies.
DeleteWe know this doesn't end well. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteWe DON'T know this doesn't end well. Sometimes life is a bitch--and sometimes she astonishes us with lavish riches and beauties we never saw coming.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Love's so complicated. I hope things work out for you.
ReplyDeleteSounds lot of work and complication. All the best.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot of guts to be the first one in a relationship to say the L word, so I think you deserve a lot of credit for opening up. Too bad that George guy wasn't Mr. Right. My heart breaks for you, but don't you dare give up! You deserve so so much, and you've got my support... even if you do hook up with a R dude. I'm still holding out for a happy ending for you, kiddo.
ReplyDeleteThanks, sweetie. I've begun my happy ending without a dud/dude, Susan. It's pretty damn freeing too. xo
DeleteOMG. I'm sorry to hear that.
ReplyDeleteIt's alright and all right, Lux. No need to be sorry, but thank you.
DeleteRelationship feelings suck. I am sometimes guilty of getting mad at Jason for not expressing more emotion in our relationship. Sorry you had such a crummy experience!
ReplyDeleteMen just suck...well, most of them do. Make us cry, make our mascara run, make us leak snot...lol.
ReplyDeleteOh boy. :( Why does love have to be so dang hard?? And why on earth did he make you wait that long? Not nice, George. Not nice!
ReplyDelete